The Maturation of J Reed: Vol. 1

It seems that after almost 26 years on this earth, I‘ve realized something vital to my maturation process: I do not know who I am! Now, I know when you think of that you say, "How do you not know yourself?” That's a question that I may have asked someone if I heard him or her say the same thing a few years ago. (Hell maybe even a few months ago) However, if you look at the statement without focusing on the superficial meaning of it, you may understand before I type another word.

If I go back as far as I can remember, I can pull out some things that can directly attribute to the man that I've become. If you ask a person some of the characteristics that I display, they may give you a few answers. Some would say I’m a very nice guy. I think I’ve heard someone refer to me as a gentle giant. (I think that sounds pretty gay if you ask me but whatever) You may have even heard me referred to as humble. I think I agree with that assessment of me (well maybe all but that gentle giant crap) but there are many things about myself that I haven’t allowed anyone to know.

Growing up I didn’t receive very much attention. From my family, to my teachers, to my peers, and especially the young ladies, I was looked upon as somewhat of an outcast. This forced me to do everything imaginable in order to gain attention.
I started playing football at a young age. I saw it on TV and really loved the nature of it. Plus my family all gathered around the TV screen whenever the Redskins were on, so I figured the only way to gain the attention of my family was to play ball. This plan didn’t really work well because only a few family members made it to a game (Well, until my team made it to the championship) and my sister was still the family attention grabber. This was very frustrating for me. To do all you can to fight for attention only to be ignored. Then, to add insult to injury, the person you’re competing with receives attention so effortlessly.
Have you ever resented someone without them knowing it? Well that’s what my life was. I low key hated my sister. And it wasn’t even because of the hell she put me through. (I’m sure most of you have seen the knife wounds lol) My sister was able to walk in any room and be received well by anybody. My family loved her. People who didn’t know her loved her. And I ended up the weird and awkward tag-a-long lil brother. It’s even emotional to write about now because I remember just trying to be better than her in everything. No matter how I tried to out shine her, I was the outcast.
In order to keep “My Thoughts” rolling I must stop this post right here. There are a few reason I started off with this sequence of events and they will be relayed in the next post. So please keep reading. Thank You!