I probably should have done this before I put out the post about the 16th Amendment, but crying over spilled milk is about as ussless as a knife at a duel.
The last couple of weeks I have taken a small break from writing songs (not really) and devouted my time to researching the questions that I have about...Everything. More specifically, the things that most people choose to ignore because it challenges their way of thinking.
If you haven't noticed I'm being vague for a reason. So, you just have to read up and find out!
Friday, August 10, 2012
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Psychological Warfare: The 16th Amendment
Psychological Warfare- the use of propaganda, threats, and other psychological techniques to mislead, intimidate, demoralize, or otherwise influence the thinking or behavior of an opponent.
The average American waits at the mailbox, or now-a-days at the computer every two weeks to see exactly how much money they've earned for whatever service they've rendered. And like most Americans we cringe at the number that is removed from our wages earned to "fund" our federal government.
Each year we file our 1040's and wait on our federal government to let us know if we hit the tax return lottery, or if we are in-debted to them (the federal government). What if I told you that all of the pining you do around tax time was completely unwarranted? Not following me, huh? Well, let me let you in on a little secret: You are NOT LEGALLY bound to pay federal taxes! I know what most of you are thinking,"Jarrett, what the hell are you talking about?" It doesn't make sense, I know. But in 1913, we were the recipient of one of the biggest mind fucks in American history.
In 1913, the 16th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was ratified and it said that,
The Congress shall have power to lay and collect taxes on incomes, from whatever source derived, without apportionment among the several States, and without regard to any census or enumeration
There are two things wrong with this: First, the supreme court defined income tax as a tax on gains or a coporate tax, NOT a tax on your wages; Secondly, and more importantly there was NEVER a legal ratification of the 16th Amendment. Don't believe me, huh?
When Secretary of State Philander Knox reported the ratification of the 16th Amendment, he did so with more than three-fourths of the states agreeing to the new taxes. At the time, there were 48 states in the union which means 36 states needed to agree. It was reported that 38 of those 48 states agreed and we began to be taxed on our wages. Problem is only two states actually voted in favor of the 16th Amendment, which makes it null and void. Still don't believe me???
In 1984, William Benson set out to research just how true this was by going from state to state in search of the documentation that said the states ratified the 16th Amendment. In his reserach he found that all but 2 of the states either rejected the Amendment or changed the language in it making it void.
Yes, you have been and continue to be the victim of fraud by the hands of our government. This shouldn't come as a big surprise, though. Now, I am not suggesting anyone stop paying that taxes that you aren't legally required to pay, but I do petition you to do the research for yourself to understand just how trully diabolical our government is. If they slide this lie under your nose for almost a full century, then how many other lies are they sliding past us?
If you wish to continue in ignorance then that's your choice, but by not investigating you allow the powers that be continue feeding us lies. If you would like to do some investigating on your own, I suggest a documentary by Aaron Russo, "Freedom to Facism". Please don't ignore this. The government was set up to serve the people and for many years they haven't been doing a great job of this. They can only continue this if we ignore the blatant lies that we receive and choose to do nothing.
The average American waits at the mailbox, or now-a-days at the computer every two weeks to see exactly how much money they've earned for whatever service they've rendered. And like most Americans we cringe at the number that is removed from our wages earned to "fund" our federal government.
Each year we file our 1040's and wait on our federal government to let us know if we hit the tax return lottery, or if we are in-debted to them (the federal government). What if I told you that all of the pining you do around tax time was completely unwarranted? Not following me, huh? Well, let me let you in on a little secret: You are NOT LEGALLY bound to pay federal taxes! I know what most of you are thinking,"Jarrett, what the hell are you talking about?" It doesn't make sense, I know. But in 1913, we were the recipient of one of the biggest mind fucks in American history.
In 1913, the 16th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was ratified and it said that,
The Congress shall have power to lay and collect taxes on incomes, from whatever source derived, without apportionment among the several States, and without regard to any census or enumeration
There are two things wrong with this: First, the supreme court defined income tax as a tax on gains or a coporate tax, NOT a tax on your wages; Secondly, and more importantly there was NEVER a legal ratification of the 16th Amendment. Don't believe me, huh?
When Secretary of State Philander Knox reported the ratification of the 16th Amendment, he did so with more than three-fourths of the states agreeing to the new taxes. At the time, there were 48 states in the union which means 36 states needed to agree. It was reported that 38 of those 48 states agreed and we began to be taxed on our wages. Problem is only two states actually voted in favor of the 16th Amendment, which makes it null and void. Still don't believe me???
In 1984, William Benson set out to research just how true this was by going from state to state in search of the documentation that said the states ratified the 16th Amendment. In his reserach he found that all but 2 of the states either rejected the Amendment or changed the language in it making it void.
Yes, you have been and continue to be the victim of fraud by the hands of our government. This shouldn't come as a big surprise, though. Now, I am not suggesting anyone stop paying that taxes that you aren't legally required to pay, but I do petition you to do the research for yourself to understand just how trully diabolical our government is. If they slide this lie under your nose for almost a full century, then how many other lies are they sliding past us?
If you wish to continue in ignorance then that's your choice, but by not investigating you allow the powers that be continue feeding us lies. If you would like to do some investigating on your own, I suggest a documentary by Aaron Russo, "Freedom to Facism". Please don't ignore this. The government was set up to serve the people and for many years they haven't been doing a great job of this. They can only continue this if we ignore the blatant lies that we receive and choose to do nothing.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Down With The Chase?
I truly appreciate all the women that read this blog. Regardless if you agree or disagree with my "cynical", over-the-top views, your support is the reason I continue to write. Thanks!
With that being said, I kind of wish that more men would read and comment, so that I can have a range of views that confirm or deny my personal point of view. It's cool. I guess the fact that I'm privy to information that most women aren't will suffice.
After reading the comments under, 'Long Live The Chase', it appears that the resounding theme is that women don't want to play games. I understand this viewpoint. Who really WANTS to play games? Nobody! Not consciously anyway. But let's dig into the concept of "playing games". What the hell does that actually mean? I'm sure we all have our own definition, but I take it to mean that you aren't being entirely honest in what you want out of the interaction AND your actions are contrary to your words. If you were to take that meaning, how many of you would be guilty of "playing games"? ((Looks for hands to raise then steps back and waits on lightening for the self-righteous folks who kept their hands at their side)) (Sidenote: If you aren't willing to be honest with yourself please stop reading. There's no reason to waste your time)
Didn't really follow that? Okay, scenario time!
Scenario #1- Boy meets girl. Boy expresses interest in girl, but tells girl that he isn't looking to be in a relationship. Girl says that she isn't looking to be in one either and dating commences. Days, weeks, months later girl feels like her and boy are in a relationship, but boy still isn't looking to be in a relationship. Girl gets mad and confronts boy and the dating is dissolved.
Now, who would you say is playing games? It's cool, I'll let that one simmer.
Now that we have "playing games" (I can certainly take your personal meaning in the comment section, which I'm sure will lead to a follow up post) out of the way, let's get back to the point.
This is what I mean when I say "keep him chasing". Scenario time yet again.
Scenario #2- Boy and girl start dating and after months of getting to know one another thoroughly, Boy and Girl mutually agree to be in a committed relationship. Girl is so excited to have a man, that she changes certain behavioral patterns that she had during the dating phase. Girl doesn't go out with her friends anymore. Girl is always readily accessible to Boy. Girl wants to be up under Boy ALL the time. Boy likes this for a while, then realizes that this isn't exciting him. (Honest time) Boy starts to go out and receive attention from Other Girls. Boy still loves girl, but isn't excited by Girl.
Seems to me like Boy is about to get himself into some trouble.
I'm sure the women reading this post are thinking to themselves, "Wow! Niggas ain't shit!" (Total assumption) That assessment could possibly be fair, but where's the merit? I just described a situation that occurs more often than a man would like to admit, but the thing is: Most men don't even understand this about themselves! I'm sure that their's only a small population of men who have thought deep enough on this issue; and an even smaller number are willing to be honest about it.
Back to the topic. Having a man continue to chase isn't a bad thing. Who really wants to be in a stale relationship? I know I don't and I'm almost certain that you don't. My point is for you as women to do things to keep us engaged and excited. Go out with your friends. Don't immediately respond to our text messages. Allow us to miss you. Let us be the aggressors. We need that as men to stay engaged. Call it "playing games" if you must, but I can't imagine a guy who loves you not wanting to stay in a relationship if you're keeping it exciting.
At the end of the day, I just want to improve the relations between men and women. It is my belief that we either aren't being honest with ourselves or we aren't being honest with each other. I have already decided to follow up on this post to answer some of the unanswered questions that are still looming. Well, unless you all feel like I'm beating a dead horse (Oh Seabiscuit! :'-( ) Again, I appreciate all of you for reading and I look forward to your comments.
With that being said, I kind of wish that more men would read and comment, so that I can have a range of views that confirm or deny my personal point of view. It's cool. I guess the fact that I'm privy to information that most women aren't will suffice.
After reading the comments under, 'Long Live The Chase', it appears that the resounding theme is that women don't want to play games. I understand this viewpoint. Who really WANTS to play games? Nobody! Not consciously anyway. But let's dig into the concept of "playing games". What the hell does that actually mean? I'm sure we all have our own definition, but I take it to mean that you aren't being entirely honest in what you want out of the interaction AND your actions are contrary to your words. If you were to take that meaning, how many of you would be guilty of "playing games"? ((Looks for hands to raise then steps back and waits on lightening for the self-righteous folks who kept their hands at their side)) (Sidenote: If you aren't willing to be honest with yourself please stop reading. There's no reason to waste your time)
Didn't really follow that? Okay, scenario time!
Scenario #1- Boy meets girl. Boy expresses interest in girl, but tells girl that he isn't looking to be in a relationship. Girl says that she isn't looking to be in one either and dating commences. Days, weeks, months later girl feels like her and boy are in a relationship, but boy still isn't looking to be in a relationship. Girl gets mad and confronts boy and the dating is dissolved.
Now, who would you say is playing games? It's cool, I'll let that one simmer.
Now that we have "playing games" (I can certainly take your personal meaning in the comment section, which I'm sure will lead to a follow up post) out of the way, let's get back to the point.
This is what I mean when I say "keep him chasing". Scenario time yet again.
Scenario #2- Boy and girl start dating and after months of getting to know one another thoroughly, Boy and Girl mutually agree to be in a committed relationship. Girl is so excited to have a man, that she changes certain behavioral patterns that she had during the dating phase. Girl doesn't go out with her friends anymore. Girl is always readily accessible to Boy. Girl wants to be up under Boy ALL the time. Boy likes this for a while, then realizes that this isn't exciting him. (Honest time) Boy starts to go out and receive attention from Other Girls. Boy still loves girl, but isn't excited by Girl.
Seems to me like Boy is about to get himself into some trouble.
I'm sure the women reading this post are thinking to themselves, "Wow! Niggas ain't shit!" (Total assumption) That assessment could possibly be fair, but where's the merit? I just described a situation that occurs more often than a man would like to admit, but the thing is: Most men don't even understand this about themselves! I'm sure that their's only a small population of men who have thought deep enough on this issue; and an even smaller number are willing to be honest about it.
Back to the topic. Having a man continue to chase isn't a bad thing. Who really wants to be in a stale relationship? I know I don't and I'm almost certain that you don't. My point is for you as women to do things to keep us engaged and excited. Go out with your friends. Don't immediately respond to our text messages. Allow us to miss you. Let us be the aggressors. We need that as men to stay engaged. Call it "playing games" if you must, but I can't imagine a guy who loves you not wanting to stay in a relationship if you're keeping it exciting.
At the end of the day, I just want to improve the relations between men and women. It is my belief that we either aren't being honest with ourselves or we aren't being honest with each other. I have already decided to follow up on this post to answer some of the unanswered questions that are still looming. Well, unless you all feel like I'm beating a dead horse (Oh Seabiscuit! :'-( ) Again, I appreciate all of you for reading and I look forward to your comments.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Long Live The Chase
Guess who's biz-ack with a fresh post for the masses??? No! I'm not Crystal Marie Grant! Her blog is www.awordorthree.com. My name is Jarrett Burgess, remember me? Well, if you don't, I've brought you such thought provoking posts such as 'Always the Chase, Rarely the Capture' and 'Pimp Juice'; "But this ish right here n$gg@, this ish right here!" may just be the thing to get my former readers back on my team.
I always proclaim to tell the truth. This is a lie. Not intentionally, but moreso because there are times when I'm not truthful with myself, so how can I be expected to be honest with someone else? I'm sure most of you can share in this sentiment; and for those of you who can't, you're lying to yourself right now, so just stop reading this post. I'm about to be as transparent as I have ever been, and it will take an open mind to navigate what you read and understand the relations between men and women. If I can remember correctly, I usually throw out the disclaimer, "I do not claim to be the voice of every man." I do, however, speak for enough men that my thoughts are relevant and should be taken VERY serious.
Some time ago I wrote a post called 'Always the Chase, Rarely the Capture' (If you want to know what it's about then scroll back on this blog until you find it) where I released the tip of the iceberg...this time I'm going to drain the water.
I've always considered myself a good man, but after a few interactions with different women, I'm not so sure about that. I mean, I'm definitely a gentleman. I'm considerate. I'm chivalrous. I'm protective. A provider. All of the things that a woman would want in a man (Okay, I'm tooting my own horn for a purpose). The problem is, the innate thing that separates male and female didn't fully skip over me.
The "thrill" of the chase is something that excites every man. It doesn't matter how much we attempt to deny it. It's the reason why some men cheat physically. It's the reason why some men hold inapporpriate relationships with women that aren't their significant other. We have something inside of us that craves pursuit. I have absolutely no idea where it comes from, but ladies, any man willing to be totally honest, will tell you that it's inside of him. We can be totally enthralled with a woman, but once we "have" her, we no longer have the thrill of the chase. Now, I purposely put quotations around "have" in that last sentence to illustrate that "have" doesn't necessarily mean sex. The word "have" could simply mean "have your attention". Whatever the meaning, something changes in BOTH of us after the capture.
Ladies, I know you may not want to follow me on this, but check me out: During the chase phase, most women are interested without being too available; nice with the right touch of sassiness; and partial without being overly-affectionate. Once "the chase" turns into "the capture", that changes a bit (or a lot depending on the woman). Now, I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with this, because that means that we've won your total attention; but this change in you all is counteracted by the change in us. The chase is complete.
I went through all of that to give women the secret to keeping a man interested after he "has" you: Keep him chasing! Pretty obvious, huh? Yeah, well you already knew that men weren't that complicated. I'm sure that the average woman will say, "Jarrett, this sounds like games and I'm getting too old for that". While on some level I agree with this, I think the alternative reeks of laziness and complacency. Far too often I see women get a man and stop doing all the things that they did to attract him. If you're content with this, then continue doing what you've been doing; but if not, ask questions under the "comments" tab of this post and I promise I will write a follow up answering your questions.
I always proclaim to tell the truth. This is a lie. Not intentionally, but moreso because there are times when I'm not truthful with myself, so how can I be expected to be honest with someone else? I'm sure most of you can share in this sentiment; and for those of you who can't, you're lying to yourself right now, so just stop reading this post. I'm about to be as transparent as I have ever been, and it will take an open mind to navigate what you read and understand the relations between men and women. If I can remember correctly, I usually throw out the disclaimer, "I do not claim to be the voice of every man." I do, however, speak for enough men that my thoughts are relevant and should be taken VERY serious.
Some time ago I wrote a post called 'Always the Chase, Rarely the Capture' (If you want to know what it's about then scroll back on this blog until you find it) where I released the tip of the iceberg...this time I'm going to drain the water.
I've always considered myself a good man, but after a few interactions with different women, I'm not so sure about that. I mean, I'm definitely a gentleman. I'm considerate. I'm chivalrous. I'm protective. A provider. All of the things that a woman would want in a man (Okay, I'm tooting my own horn for a purpose). The problem is, the innate thing that separates male and female didn't fully skip over me.
The "thrill" of the chase is something that excites every man. It doesn't matter how much we attempt to deny it. It's the reason why some men cheat physically. It's the reason why some men hold inapporpriate relationships with women that aren't their significant other. We have something inside of us that craves pursuit. I have absolutely no idea where it comes from, but ladies, any man willing to be totally honest, will tell you that it's inside of him. We can be totally enthralled with a woman, but once we "have" her, we no longer have the thrill of the chase. Now, I purposely put quotations around "have" in that last sentence to illustrate that "have" doesn't necessarily mean sex. The word "have" could simply mean "have your attention". Whatever the meaning, something changes in BOTH of us after the capture.
Ladies, I know you may not want to follow me on this, but check me out: During the chase phase, most women are interested without being too available; nice with the right touch of sassiness; and partial without being overly-affectionate. Once "the chase" turns into "the capture", that changes a bit (or a lot depending on the woman). Now, I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with this, because that means that we've won your total attention; but this change in you all is counteracted by the change in us. The chase is complete.
I went through all of that to give women the secret to keeping a man interested after he "has" you: Keep him chasing! Pretty obvious, huh? Yeah, well you already knew that men weren't that complicated. I'm sure that the average woman will say, "Jarrett, this sounds like games and I'm getting too old for that". While on some level I agree with this, I think the alternative reeks of laziness and complacency. Far too often I see women get a man and stop doing all the things that they did to attract him. If you're content with this, then continue doing what you've been doing; but if not, ask questions under the "comments" tab of this post and I promise I will write a follow up answering your questions.
Monday, July 11, 2011
Social Media
Ever since social media stepped on the scene (Blackplanet was my first memory), it has been used by people for various reasons. Whether you use it for networking, love, or just connecting with people that you don't see on a regular basis, it has a huge effect on the way we interact now-a-days. How you represent yourself on social media can paint a vivid picture of the person you are to the people that "friend" or "follow" you. But what if that picture isn't a true depiction of the person that you are?
A few months ago I decided to turn my attention away from the Facebook craze and see just what Twitter had to offer. When I first started I didn't really understand the point. I mean, it just seemed like a Facebook status update with less character use. I quickly saw that Twitter was its own beast with different features and a different set of rules.
I started Twitter with just a few followers. I saw that my followers used Twitter to tweet about whatever they felt. Some would tweet inspirational thoughts for the day. Some would tweet about whatever topics were trending at the moment. Some would just tweet about what was going on in their day. Paying attention to this, I tried to find out exactly what I would use Twitter for. The primary reason I came up with was to promote the poetry on my blog. I started off doing this and quickly realized that nobody cared or paid much attention. After awhile I realized that the people that received the feedback on Twitter were the people that already had established themselves on the site or the people that said the craziest most controversial stuff. I decided that I would use the latter as my Twitter-dentity.(I know I usually have trouble getting to the point so here it is.)
A few weeks ago I had a friend tweet about her husband and how wonderful he was on their anniversary. I was so moved by that tweet that I decided to take a break from my usual Twitter antics and share how blessed I would be to have my wife tweet stuff like that about me. A couple minutes later I received a text message, from a woman that I thoroughly respect for the way she represents herself, about what I had tweeted. This woman is one of my followers and she let me know that with the way I represent myself on Twitter, I didn't strike her as the "marrying type." I must admit that when I first read this text I was a little upset that she said that. I mean, I believe that if anyone has ever spent any extensive time around me, they would know that the stuff I tweet is extreme and over the top.
After I got over the intial shock of the insult, I accepted what she said. I mean, how could I expect her to make any other assessment about the person I am? We did go out on a date or two, but that's hardly enough time to make an impression that would out-weigh what she reads on Twitter daily.
Even though I understood where she was coming from about the way I represent myself via Twitter, I can't agree with making assessments of people's character solely by the things that they tweet. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and if it's being based on what you learn through social media, I can imagine that you'd misjudge a lot of good people. I know what and who I am, and although I kid around on Twitter about all sorts of randmoness, I know with great certainty that I will be a great boyfriend/husband/father etc. No tweet will take away from that.
A few months ago I decided to turn my attention away from the Facebook craze and see just what Twitter had to offer. When I first started I didn't really understand the point. I mean, it just seemed like a Facebook status update with less character use. I quickly saw that Twitter was its own beast with different features and a different set of rules.
I started Twitter with just a few followers. I saw that my followers used Twitter to tweet about whatever they felt. Some would tweet inspirational thoughts for the day. Some would tweet about whatever topics were trending at the moment. Some would just tweet about what was going on in their day. Paying attention to this, I tried to find out exactly what I would use Twitter for. The primary reason I came up with was to promote the poetry on my blog. I started off doing this and quickly realized that nobody cared or paid much attention. After awhile I realized that the people that received the feedback on Twitter were the people that already had established themselves on the site or the people that said the craziest most controversial stuff. I decided that I would use the latter as my Twitter-dentity.(I know I usually have trouble getting to the point so here it is.)
A few weeks ago I had a friend tweet about her husband and how wonderful he was on their anniversary. I was so moved by that tweet that I decided to take a break from my usual Twitter antics and share how blessed I would be to have my wife tweet stuff like that about me. A couple minutes later I received a text message, from a woman that I thoroughly respect for the way she represents herself, about what I had tweeted. This woman is one of my followers and she let me know that with the way I represent myself on Twitter, I didn't strike her as the "marrying type." I must admit that when I first read this text I was a little upset that she said that. I mean, I believe that if anyone has ever spent any extensive time around me, they would know that the stuff I tweet is extreme and over the top.
After I got over the intial shock of the insult, I accepted what she said. I mean, how could I expect her to make any other assessment about the person I am? We did go out on a date or two, but that's hardly enough time to make an impression that would out-weigh what she reads on Twitter daily.
Even though I understood where she was coming from about the way I represent myself via Twitter, I can't agree with making assessments of people's character solely by the things that they tweet. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and if it's being based on what you learn through social media, I can imagine that you'd misjudge a lot of good people. I know what and who I am, and although I kid around on Twitter about all sorts of randmoness, I know with great certainty that I will be a great boyfriend/husband/father etc. No tweet will take away from that.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Always About The Chase, Rarely About The Capture
Good morning, afternoon, or evening folks! Whatever the time of day is, I really need you to sit down and actually actively apply yourself to this post. I've attempted to be as transparent as I can in the past, but I just may be breaking "Man Law" with this one. Not that this is some secret that we as men share when women aren't around, but it is my belief that since most men don't even understand this about themselves, they really wouldn't want women to know it until they are able to disect it.
So, I was asked this morning by Ms. Candice Thomas (it's so cold in the D! lmao) why do "men pursue a whole lot in the beginning and once they get what they want, they get comfortable?" I thought I would have an immediate answer to her for this question, but although I have wondered this myself, I still had to reflect on why I thought this was. The first thing I had to do was admit to myself that we as men do this. Yes, I myself am guilty. The second thing I had to do was not point the finger and say, "Women do it too, sometimes!!!" The third thing I had to do was convince myself to be totally honest in an attempt to create open dialouge between men and women, so that we can try to understand each other a little better. This is what I came up with.
So ladies, you are aware that boys and girls are raised a little different, right? Well, if so, you have to know that it heavily affects the way we interact/treat one another. Now, I think we as people objectify each other, but men objectifying women is highly visible. Why is that though? Quite simple: We're raised to! Not just by our fathers though!
One day, I saw a group of women speaking to a baby boy. They were all making a fuss over him and the little boy was just eating it up; grinning and cooing all over himself. One of the girls said, "Aww, he's so cute! He's going to be such a heart breaker when he gets older..." Another girl chimed in, "Yeah he's going to have all the girls. Girl, you better watch out, he's gonna make you a grandmother early."
As a little boy that's cute to say. Who actually expects a little boy to grow up and have multiple women??? (Sarcasm) But I want you to really consider how speaking things like this into a childs life can impact his future.
I really just wanted to mention that a as a precusor to what I think the biggest issue is. Here it goes...: We as men, from the very beginning of time, are taught to chase and capture or search and conquer. It's that simple. Right, wrong, or indifferent, that's the way it is.
Now, some guys do this intentionally, some do it without thought, but most men do this nonetheless. We as men see a woman that we are attracted to; we pursue her as hard as we can, sometimes going above and beyond our normal range of efforts to woo a woman; then once we have physically "captured" you, it is on to the next chase.
This is the reason why men can have sex without any emotional connection. It's not necessarily about the sex, it's more so about the capture.
Now, I'll be the first to say that this sounds terrible and disgusting superficially. Taking a deeper look at this though may help to destroy or at least recognize this cycle.
I have a whole lot more to say on this issue, but I have to stop it now so that I don't start to ramble. Please let me know how you feel about this issue? Thank you!
So, I was asked this morning by Ms. Candice Thomas (it's so cold in the D! lmao) why do "men pursue a whole lot in the beginning and once they get what they want, they get comfortable?" I thought I would have an immediate answer to her for this question, but although I have wondered this myself, I still had to reflect on why I thought this was. The first thing I had to do was admit to myself that we as men do this. Yes, I myself am guilty. The second thing I had to do was not point the finger and say, "Women do it too, sometimes!!!" The third thing I had to do was convince myself to be totally honest in an attempt to create open dialouge between men and women, so that we can try to understand each other a little better. This is what I came up with.
So ladies, you are aware that boys and girls are raised a little different, right? Well, if so, you have to know that it heavily affects the way we interact/treat one another. Now, I think we as people objectify each other, but men objectifying women is highly visible. Why is that though? Quite simple: We're raised to! Not just by our fathers though!
One day, I saw a group of women speaking to a baby boy. They were all making a fuss over him and the little boy was just eating it up; grinning and cooing all over himself. One of the girls said, "Aww, he's so cute! He's going to be such a heart breaker when he gets older..." Another girl chimed in, "Yeah he's going to have all the girls. Girl, you better watch out, he's gonna make you a grandmother early."
As a little boy that's cute to say. Who actually expects a little boy to grow up and have multiple women??? (Sarcasm) But I want you to really consider how speaking things like this into a childs life can impact his future.
I really just wanted to mention that a as a precusor to what I think the biggest issue is. Here it goes...: We as men, from the very beginning of time, are taught to chase and capture or search and conquer. It's that simple. Right, wrong, or indifferent, that's the way it is.
Now, some guys do this intentionally, some do it without thought, but most men do this nonetheless. We as men see a woman that we are attracted to; we pursue her as hard as we can, sometimes going above and beyond our normal range of efforts to woo a woman; then once we have physically "captured" you, it is on to the next chase.
This is the reason why men can have sex without any emotional connection. It's not necessarily about the sex, it's more so about the capture.
Now, I'll be the first to say that this sounds terrible and disgusting superficially. Taking a deeper look at this though may help to destroy or at least recognize this cycle.
I have a whole lot more to say on this issue, but I have to stop it now so that I don't start to ramble. Please let me know how you feel about this issue? Thank you!
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Marriage is for Grown Folks
When I contemplate the idea of marriage, I do so with a few great examples of what it takes to make a relationship last. My grandparents were married for 54 years; my parents were married for 32 years; and with the exception my uncle and aunt, (RIP Uncle Gary) I haven't seen any marriage in my family end in divorce. As you would assume, this can put a lot of pressure on me as the next generation to find the right fit of a mate. With marriage being taken so lightly now-a-days, I'm terrified that I may make the wrong choice and be the one that messes up the tradition of resolve and stick-to-it-tiveness. Now, I'm sure (for those of you who know) can look at my previous relationship and all of the back and forth (which was solely on my part), and say that I've already created a behavior of running. I can understand why that may be a concern, but if you consider that I tried on many occasions to right the wrong in myself (not sure how sucessful I was) in order to make the situation healthy, I think you'd see that that isn't an issue. But I digress because this post isn't about that.
So, I was watching the season finale of 'Housewives of Atlanta' (How the hell are they housewives if only Cynthia is married???) and one of the suspicions that I've had for a long time was confirmed. Now, I saw this throughout the season, but it was more apparent on this episode than any other. I know some of you would like me to just hurry up and say what that is, but I like being a jerk like this so I'll just sing the jeopardy theme music and then I'll say it *Jeopardy theme*...A good quantity of women get married with the wedding in mind, more so than the actual marriage. I do realize that as little girls and young women, some women had dreams of the big lavish wedding with all of the trimmings. There aren't many women out there that haven't had these dreams, but when you grow up into women you have to understand what's within reason and what just isn't feasible.
I've said on numerous occasions that me and the person that I decide to tie the knot with, will be doing so at the justice of the peace. I really only say this to piss women (especially my mother) off. I'm honestly open to having something intimate, but only if it doesn't land me in the poor house. Again, I digress because this post isn't about that.
Basically, I want to know what women think about this issue. Do you feel that Cynthia's actions toward marriage fit your thoughts? Do you think that it's more about the marriage than the wedding? Let me know what you think, please?
So, I was watching the season finale of 'Housewives of Atlanta' (How the hell are they housewives if only Cynthia is married???) and one of the suspicions that I've had for a long time was confirmed. Now, I saw this throughout the season, but it was more apparent on this episode than any other. I know some of you would like me to just hurry up and say what that is, but I like being a jerk like this so I'll just sing the jeopardy theme music and then I'll say it *Jeopardy theme*...A good quantity of women get married with the wedding in mind, more so than the actual marriage. I do realize that as little girls and young women, some women had dreams of the big lavish wedding with all of the trimmings. There aren't many women out there that haven't had these dreams, but when you grow up into women you have to understand what's within reason and what just isn't feasible.
I've said on numerous occasions that me and the person that I decide to tie the knot with, will be doing so at the justice of the peace. I really only say this to piss women (especially my mother) off. I'm honestly open to having something intimate, but only if it doesn't land me in the poor house. Again, I digress because this post isn't about that.
Basically, I want to know what women think about this issue. Do you feel that Cynthia's actions toward marriage fit your thoughts? Do you think that it's more about the marriage than the wedding? Let me know what you think, please?
Thursday, January 6, 2011
MC: Day 4
I must say that today was significantly tougher than the first 3 days. I may have just been the overall day in general, but everything just went wrong yesterday.
I started the day by waking up early than usual to take the flush. This actually worked against me, because it caused me to spend a good portion of the time I used to get ready, on the toilet (sorry if that was TMI). I ended up leaving the house 25 mins. later than normal. Then to add insult to injury, I had to turn around and go back to my house because I left my teams game jersey's in the basement.
This caused me to get to work about 15 mins. late. Once I get to work, I running around non-stop. I had classes in the morning. I did have one planning period, but part of that was spent disciplining a class for their poor behavior. After all that, I chose to aid one of my office mates in doing recess duty, because the people who had duty decided not to show. I digress.
With all of this running around, I had neglected to do the single most important thing in my life right now...drink the lemonade!!! I decided to participate in the planned activity with my first afternoon class, which involved a whole lot of running. Once the activity was over, I realized that I was totally stripped of energy because I hadn't drank the lemonade (How could I forget that?). I wanted to run and get it in between classes, but the amount of time alloted wouldn't allow that. So, basically I was a zombie to my last class. I was trying to articulate the objective, and it just wouldn't come out clearly. I felt so bad because I really did them a disservice yesterday. Not to mention that I locked my knees while I was standing up talking, and I almost went down.
My commute home was pretty bad. I was so sleepy on the road (undoubtedly because my blood sugar was low) that I contemplated getting off the beltway and going to a friends house to lay down. I toughed out the trip though.
When I finally made it home, I realized how much of a jerk my mother is (don't tell I said that lol). I walked into the smell of spaghetti as I entered the house. My mother knows how much I love spaghetti, and I don't believe that she would allow the devil to use her like that. So, I went straight to my room and decided to try and get some sleep. I'm rarely able to reach this feat and yesterday was no exception.
My sister was probably the biggest jerk of them all yesterday. Not only did she try to send me to the store (back past the lovely smell of complex carbs), but she also told me that she ordered a pizza from Pizza Hut that didn't have any pork on it (I don't eat pork). What an asshole!
This had me really craving food. I wanted to give in so bad yesterday. I honestly contemplated eating a slice of pizza. At this point, all I could do was laugh. Laugh at the opposition that something like this entails. I can't give in though. I honestly would rather die than to give you (you in the most general sense) the satisfaction of saying I failed. This is the biggest thing that motivates me. I know this may be a bit prideful, but I just wouldn't be able to live with myself if I were to give in. So, I guess I would be better off dead.
You all know that I live my life through hip-hop lyrics, and this one came to mind yesterday: "I'm feeling like the world's against me Lord! Call me crazy, but strangely I love the odds..." I'm Just Sayin'...
I started the day by waking up early than usual to take the flush. This actually worked against me, because it caused me to spend a good portion of the time I used to get ready, on the toilet (sorry if that was TMI). I ended up leaving the house 25 mins. later than normal. Then to add insult to injury, I had to turn around and go back to my house because I left my teams game jersey's in the basement.
This caused me to get to work about 15 mins. late. Once I get to work, I running around non-stop. I had classes in the morning. I did have one planning period, but part of that was spent disciplining a class for their poor behavior. After all that, I chose to aid one of my office mates in doing recess duty, because the people who had duty decided not to show. I digress.
With all of this running around, I had neglected to do the single most important thing in my life right now...drink the lemonade!!! I decided to participate in the planned activity with my first afternoon class, which involved a whole lot of running. Once the activity was over, I realized that I was totally stripped of energy because I hadn't drank the lemonade (How could I forget that?). I wanted to run and get it in between classes, but the amount of time alloted wouldn't allow that. So, basically I was a zombie to my last class. I was trying to articulate the objective, and it just wouldn't come out clearly. I felt so bad because I really did them a disservice yesterday. Not to mention that I locked my knees while I was standing up talking, and I almost went down.
My commute home was pretty bad. I was so sleepy on the road (undoubtedly because my blood sugar was low) that I contemplated getting off the beltway and going to a friends house to lay down. I toughed out the trip though.
When I finally made it home, I realized how much of a jerk my mother is (don't tell I said that lol). I walked into the smell of spaghetti as I entered the house. My mother knows how much I love spaghetti, and I don't believe that she would allow the devil to use her like that. So, I went straight to my room and decided to try and get some sleep. I'm rarely able to reach this feat and yesterday was no exception.
My sister was probably the biggest jerk of them all yesterday. Not only did she try to send me to the store (back past the lovely smell of complex carbs), but she also told me that she ordered a pizza from Pizza Hut that didn't have any pork on it (I don't eat pork). What an asshole!
This had me really craving food. I wanted to give in so bad yesterday. I honestly contemplated eating a slice of pizza. At this point, all I could do was laugh. Laugh at the opposition that something like this entails. I can't give in though. I honestly would rather die than to give you (you in the most general sense) the satisfaction of saying I failed. This is the biggest thing that motivates me. I know this may be a bit prideful, but I just wouldn't be able to live with myself if I were to give in. So, I guess I would be better off dead.
You all know that I live my life through hip-hop lyrics, and this one came to mind yesterday: "I'm feeling like the world's against me Lord! Call me crazy, but strangely I love the odds..." I'm Just Sayin'...
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
MC: Day 3
Sooooo...it's Day 3. Today I've chosen to adopt another cliche philosophy, "one day at a time." If I think about the fact that I have 7 1/2 more days left, it seems insurmountable. So, I just try and focus on making it through the day and not even worrying about tomorrow.
Yesterday, I had to go and stock up on distilled water for the duration of the cleanse. Since I was so tired when I got home, I decided to go in the house and leave the water in the trunk. When I woke up this morning, I put on minimal clothes and ran to the car to get the water. With the dropping overnight temperatures, my water was all but frozen solid. To my surprise, this actually helped with the taste of the flush. Oh, it was bad...but it wasn't as bad. I would've been able to take it down in one gulp, but the water was so cold that I got a "brain freeze."
The school day was a little challenging today. I had my first class first thing in the morning, but I didn't have another until 1:25. That's right, idle time. Now, I was completing a couple of tasks that I needed to turn in during that idle time, but typing on a computer and actually being active and showing kids how to perform activities are two different things. So, during this idle time all i could think about was what I wanted to eat once I was off this diet. Maybe not the best mindset to have, but what do you expect from a man that hasn't had a carb in 4 days???
After school was probably the best time of the day. My boys had basketball practice and I was so focused on getting them prepared for the game tomorrow, that I had few opportunities to think about food. I can see that my intensity to was a little heightened also. I was really yelling, but I was really passionate about everything that I was trying to instill in them.
Once basketball practice was over I was hurt. I expended so much energy during practice that I was drained. This was probably the worse part of the day for me. It continued all the way until I made it home. As soon as I waslked in the house I smelled food cooking. I don't even know what was cooking. I just strolled to my room and closed the door. The hunger lasted until I was blessed enough to drift off into "la la land."
I pray Day 4 goes a little smoother, but we shall see...I'm Just Sayin'
Yesterday, I had to go and stock up on distilled water for the duration of the cleanse. Since I was so tired when I got home, I decided to go in the house and leave the water in the trunk. When I woke up this morning, I put on minimal clothes and ran to the car to get the water. With the dropping overnight temperatures, my water was all but frozen solid. To my surprise, this actually helped with the taste of the flush. Oh, it was bad...but it wasn't as bad. I would've been able to take it down in one gulp, but the water was so cold that I got a "brain freeze."
The school day was a little challenging today. I had my first class first thing in the morning, but I didn't have another until 1:25. That's right, idle time. Now, I was completing a couple of tasks that I needed to turn in during that idle time, but typing on a computer and actually being active and showing kids how to perform activities are two different things. So, during this idle time all i could think about was what I wanted to eat once I was off this diet. Maybe not the best mindset to have, but what do you expect from a man that hasn't had a carb in 4 days???
After school was probably the best time of the day. My boys had basketball practice and I was so focused on getting them prepared for the game tomorrow, that I had few opportunities to think about food. I can see that my intensity to was a little heightened also. I was really yelling, but I was really passionate about everything that I was trying to instill in them.
Once basketball practice was over I was hurt. I expended so much energy during practice that I was drained. This was probably the worse part of the day for me. It continued all the way until I made it home. As soon as I waslked in the house I smelled food cooking. I don't even know what was cooking. I just strolled to my room and closed the door. The hunger lasted until I was blessed enough to drift off into "la la land."
I pray Day 4 goes a little smoother, but we shall see...I'm Just Sayin'
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
MC: Day 2
The cliche, "mind over matter" comes to mind when I think about how I faired in Day 2. Like I said before, I'm doing this cleanse for mental toughness above anything else.
The urge to eat something has been a lot stronger today, than it was yesterday.
Yesterday, I talked about the "flush" that I had to endure first thing in the morning...yeah, today was worse! It's so hard to keep the salt water down, that I have to hold my head up to stop from spewing it all over the floor. It's that bad!
After the first day, I realized that I was doing something wrong with the mixture. I decided to use less cayenne pepper and a little less pure maple syrup. This helped a little with the taste, but the cayenne pepper was still too much. It's so strong, that it starts to make my throat itch by just holding it up to my mouth.
As far as my behavior throughout the day, I found myself zoning out. I specifically remember talking to 3rd grade class at the end of the day about teamwork, and just totally losing my train of thought. This scared me a little bit, because I can only attribute it to the lack of food. Whenever I get weak like that though, I just pray (Thanks Yzette...I'm sorry! Thanks Dr. Lanier). I know some of you are saying, "You pray???" Yes...I pray! lol
When I got home last night, I had no other alternative but to get right in the bed. I tried to watch a little bit of the game, but the commercials of foods just really make it hard for me. I think I may need to fast from the television and internet also.
All in all, Day 2 was pretty good. I had my moments of wanting to give in, which everyone will have when taking on a task of this magnitude, but I keep telling myself that I can't if I can do this, I can do ANYTHING! I'm all over it! I'm Just Saying...
The urge to eat something has been a lot stronger today, than it was yesterday.
Yesterday, I talked about the "flush" that I had to endure first thing in the morning...yeah, today was worse! It's so hard to keep the salt water down, that I have to hold my head up to stop from spewing it all over the floor. It's that bad!
After the first day, I realized that I was doing something wrong with the mixture. I decided to use less cayenne pepper and a little less pure maple syrup. This helped a little with the taste, but the cayenne pepper was still too much. It's so strong, that it starts to make my throat itch by just holding it up to my mouth.
As far as my behavior throughout the day, I found myself zoning out. I specifically remember talking to 3rd grade class at the end of the day about teamwork, and just totally losing my train of thought. This scared me a little bit, because I can only attribute it to the lack of food. Whenever I get weak like that though, I just pray (Thanks Yzette...I'm sorry! Thanks Dr. Lanier). I know some of you are saying, "You pray???" Yes...I pray! lol
When I got home last night, I had no other alternative but to get right in the bed. I tried to watch a little bit of the game, but the commercials of foods just really make it hard for me. I think I may need to fast from the television and internet also.
All in all, Day 2 was pretty good. I had my moments of wanting to give in, which everyone will have when taking on a task of this magnitude, but I keep telling myself that I can't if I can do this, I can do ANYTHING! I'm all over it! I'm Just Saying...
Monday, January 3, 2011
MC: Day 1
Although technically I have yet to complete my first full day, I figured I would still detail what the Master Cleanse had in store for me today.
This morning I woke up very nervous about what was about to happen to me. I have never tried anything of this magnitude, but I'm not one to back down from a challenge.
I got up around 5:30, and I walked around gathering everything that I would need for the day. I started with the sea salt water flush, that you have to take every morning before you do anything. So I mixed 1 tablespoon of sea salt in with one liter of distilled water and tried to throw it back as fast as I could. Now, I say this as vehemently as I can, this was the worse tasting drink I've ever experienced. I was so naseous after I drank it that I kind of thought that I may not be able to do this portion of the cleanse. I have to be by the book though.
The problem with this "flush" is that I didn't realize it worked so...well. I got in the car to go to work and I was "clinched" until I made it to my job's secret bathroom that I've located (lol). I won't get into the details of that visit, but let's just say that all that went in, came right back out.
As far as how I felt the whole day, I definitely wanted something to eat by lunch time. I was light headed for most of the day, but it would subside once I was engrossed in classes.
Dealing with the kids was a huge issue. I was so short with misbehavior that it actually worked well. I really didn't do much hollering, because I believe a headache may have ensued, but I addressed every issue sternly.
The biggest hurdle was when I went over to my boy Twan's parents house. On my way I felt the urge to stop and eat something. Each time I felt that urge I would take a sip of my concoction. Once I arrived at the house I was offerd a number of things that were hard to say no to. First it was turtle. This wasn't that bad, but I love turtles. I was just able to resist that urge. Then I was staring deep into the eyes of a pan of corn pudding, but the smell of the chitterlings (shitlin's) that Twan was cooking turned my stomach. Finally, Twan's dad decided to order some steak and cheeses for he and his grand sons...that's when i had to make my exit.
Once I got home it was more of the same. Everything smelled so good. I just went to my room and closed the door, but obviously my family can never leave me be.
I dozed off a couple of times to ease my pain, but I'm so popular that I kept waking because of angry phone calls and nasty (nasty as in mean...get your minds out of the gutter lol) text messages *exaggerating*.
All in all i think the first day went well. I'm determined to finish what I started, so i think that helps alot with the cravings, but this is extremely trying. Oh well, I am an extremist! I'm Just Sayin'...
This morning I woke up very nervous about what was about to happen to me. I have never tried anything of this magnitude, but I'm not one to back down from a challenge.
I got up around 5:30, and I walked around gathering everything that I would need for the day. I started with the sea salt water flush, that you have to take every morning before you do anything. So I mixed 1 tablespoon of sea salt in with one liter of distilled water and tried to throw it back as fast as I could. Now, I say this as vehemently as I can, this was the worse tasting drink I've ever experienced. I was so naseous after I drank it that I kind of thought that I may not be able to do this portion of the cleanse. I have to be by the book though.
The problem with this "flush" is that I didn't realize it worked so...well. I got in the car to go to work and I was "clinched" until I made it to my job's secret bathroom that I've located (lol). I won't get into the details of that visit, but let's just say that all that went in, came right back out.
As far as how I felt the whole day, I definitely wanted something to eat by lunch time. I was light headed for most of the day, but it would subside once I was engrossed in classes.
Dealing with the kids was a huge issue. I was so short with misbehavior that it actually worked well. I really didn't do much hollering, because I believe a headache may have ensued, but I addressed every issue sternly.
The biggest hurdle was when I went over to my boy Twan's parents house. On my way I felt the urge to stop and eat something. Each time I felt that urge I would take a sip of my concoction. Once I arrived at the house I was offerd a number of things that were hard to say no to. First it was turtle. This wasn't that bad, but I love turtles. I was just able to resist that urge. Then I was staring deep into the eyes of a pan of corn pudding, but the smell of the chitterlings (shitlin's) that Twan was cooking turned my stomach. Finally, Twan's dad decided to order some steak and cheeses for he and his grand sons...that's when i had to make my exit.
Once I got home it was more of the same. Everything smelled so good. I just went to my room and closed the door, but obviously my family can never leave me be.
I dozed off a couple of times to ease my pain, but I'm so popular that I kept waking because of angry phone calls and nasty (nasty as in mean...get your minds out of the gutter lol) text messages *exaggerating*.
All in all i think the first day went well. I'm determined to finish what I started, so i think that helps alot with the cravings, but this is extremely trying. Oh well, I am an extremist! I'm Just Sayin'...
Sunday, January 2, 2011
The Master Cleanse
I looked in the mirror the other day and realized that the body that I worked so hard to attain this past spring has dissipated. Thankfully, I know what happened and how to fix it. Due to the recklessness of my diet, that started during the weekend of Howard Homecoming, my body has made a "U-turn" from where it was this summer.
My solution: The Master Cleanse followed by 2-a-days of Insanity and P90X.
You all saw what happened when I went hard at Insanity...I plan to shatter that with P90X. I intially received this challenge from my friend Vameka Nelson, who told me that it would be rough to complete. I, not being able to back down from a challenge, decided to test out my will.
I will chronicle my progress through the cleanse so that you all can see if it works for me and decide if it is something you want to take the challenge to do. Each day I will give you a play by play of what happened, if I was able to stick with it, and how it has affected my body. If you've done this cleanse before, please share with me the affect that it had on you. Thank you!
My solution: The Master Cleanse followed by 2-a-days of Insanity and P90X.
You all saw what happened when I went hard at Insanity...I plan to shatter that with P90X. I intially received this challenge from my friend Vameka Nelson, who told me that it would be rough to complete. I, not being able to back down from a challenge, decided to test out my will.
I will chronicle my progress through the cleanse so that you all can see if it works for me and decide if it is something you want to take the challenge to do. Each day I will give you a play by play of what happened, if I was able to stick with it, and how it has affected my body. If you've done this cleanse before, please share with me the affect that it had on you. Thank you!
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Love vs. Lust
Okay, Okay, Okay! So, I admit that I came across as a bit of a know-it-all in my last post. Sue me! LOL I just have strong views about love, that are strictly biblically based. I will say, I don't KNOW what love really is, but like everyone else that doesn't KNOW, I have views and opinions that have shaped my belief of the definition of love.
The last post sparked conversations between me and a number of people about what love is. But there was one conversation in particular that has me writing on my winter vacation. Shot out to Ms. Thomas for provoking this post. I appreciate your insight!
In 'At First Sight' when I spoke about love and it not being a feeling, I offered infatuation as an alternative to that feeling. One word that came up with almost everyone I talked to was lust. I intentionally left out lust because I didn't want people to think I was disrespecting whatever they felt for their significant other. If you consider that though, it brings up an interesting concept. Love and lust are confused often enough for it to be a viable argument that what you could be experiencing with someone you just met, isn't love. I would never want to piss on anyone's parade, but there is someone out there that thinks they are in love, when in actuality they are in lust. Now, I've been known to lose my mind over a big butt and a smile, but I almost always realize that this is poison. Even when I engage in conversations with a woman that are really stimulating mentally, I still know that this doesn't bring about love.
In order for you to understand my argument, you would have to understand my definition of what love is. Like I said before, I don't KNOW what love is, but I know what the Bible says and that's the only book I feel comfortable taking information from on this issue. Now, I am by no means a bible beating, fire breathing preacher. Actually, my family would probably identify me as a heathen (My sister's a jerk). I do, however, take pride in the fact that I know (for the most part) my Bible. So, 1st Corinthians 13:4-7 states:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrong. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perserves.
The first word that is used to define love in this passage is patient. This is really the basis of my argument. Dictionary.com's defintion of patient says,"having or showing the capacity for endurance." Endurance doesn't happen quickly. It takes time. You have to go through some stuff to endure. That is why it is my belief that any intial "feeling" that you have, can not be considered love. Love is battle tested. Whatever you feel when you first meet someone is strictly a feeling. Whether it be infatuation or lust, it can't be put into the same category with love. So, the term "Love at first sight" is oxymoronic, in a sense. If love takes endurance, how can it be felt at the moment of sight?
To speak to my over analyzation of the statement, "Love at first sight" (Thanks Crystal! lol): I do understand that some people use the statement as a means of expressing, in retrospect, the view of their significant other upon the intial interaction, but what is the basis for that statement if they hadn't made it to the point that they're at today? Maybe I am taking the statement a bit too literal, but consider the people who consistently "fall in love" quickly. They think that love is found with every partner. Would you take their claims of love serious?
I feel like I'm being a little long winded, so I'll just end with this. I consulted my mother about this issue the other day (because she's more of a know-it-all than I am lol) and her words were, "If you base love on how you FEEL about a person, or what they can or can not do for you, you miss the point of what love really is..." I'm Just Sayin' (Well actually, she's just saying lol)
The last post sparked conversations between me and a number of people about what love is. But there was one conversation in particular that has me writing on my winter vacation. Shot out to Ms. Thomas for provoking this post. I appreciate your insight!
In 'At First Sight' when I spoke about love and it not being a feeling, I offered infatuation as an alternative to that feeling. One word that came up with almost everyone I talked to was lust. I intentionally left out lust because I didn't want people to think I was disrespecting whatever they felt for their significant other. If you consider that though, it brings up an interesting concept. Love and lust are confused often enough for it to be a viable argument that what you could be experiencing with someone you just met, isn't love. I would never want to piss on anyone's parade, but there is someone out there that thinks they are in love, when in actuality they are in lust. Now, I've been known to lose my mind over a big butt and a smile, but I almost always realize that this is poison. Even when I engage in conversations with a woman that are really stimulating mentally, I still know that this doesn't bring about love.
In order for you to understand my argument, you would have to understand my definition of what love is. Like I said before, I don't KNOW what love is, but I know what the Bible says and that's the only book I feel comfortable taking information from on this issue. Now, I am by no means a bible beating, fire breathing preacher. Actually, my family would probably identify me as a heathen (My sister's a jerk). I do, however, take pride in the fact that I know (for the most part) my Bible. So, 1st Corinthians 13:4-7 states:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrong. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perserves.
The first word that is used to define love in this passage is patient. This is really the basis of my argument. Dictionary.com's defintion of patient says,"having or showing the capacity for endurance." Endurance doesn't happen quickly. It takes time. You have to go through some stuff to endure. That is why it is my belief that any intial "feeling" that you have, can not be considered love. Love is battle tested. Whatever you feel when you first meet someone is strictly a feeling. Whether it be infatuation or lust, it can't be put into the same category with love. So, the term "Love at first sight" is oxymoronic, in a sense. If love takes endurance, how can it be felt at the moment of sight?
To speak to my over analyzation of the statement, "Love at first sight" (Thanks Crystal! lol): I do understand that some people use the statement as a means of expressing, in retrospect, the view of their significant other upon the intial interaction, but what is the basis for that statement if they hadn't made it to the point that they're at today? Maybe I am taking the statement a bit too literal, but consider the people who consistently "fall in love" quickly. They think that love is found with every partner. Would you take their claims of love serious?
I feel like I'm being a little long winded, so I'll just end with this. I consulted my mother about this issue the other day (because she's more of a know-it-all than I am lol) and her words were, "If you base love on how you FEEL about a person, or what they can or can not do for you, you miss the point of what love really is..." I'm Just Sayin' (Well actually, she's just saying lol)
Friday, December 17, 2010
At First Sight
If you are fortunate enough to have more than one friend, then I'm pretty sure that they are not all alike. We all need an array of friends to give us different perspectives of how life is or can be. Some of these friends have different views or opinions on certain issues that you just can't accept. This post is to speak to one of those issues...
Whenever I hear someone say, "It was love at first sight...", I get pissed off. I know that sounds a bit extreme, but what can I say I'm an extremist! It's not really the thought that you can see someone and instantly fall in love that pisses me off, it's more so the misidentification of the feeling. If you're reading "I'm Just Sayin'" for the first time, then you wouldn't know that I am a lover of words. I read the dictionary for fun. I do have my slip ups, but for the most part, every word that comes out of my mouth is deliberate and well calculated. So when I hear someone use a word loosely without understanding it's true meaning, it slightly irritates me(I'm about to get deep so please bear with me).
Okay, so basically my assessment of the phrase,"Love at first sight" is that it's nonesensical. This is probably due to the fact that my definition and the definition that most people use for the term "love" isn't synonymous. I even have a problem with the dictionary.com's definition of the word "love". I don't agree that love is a "strong feeling" (I'll explain in-depth later). To understand my point consider the analogy, love is to wisdom as genius is to infatuation (repeat that as many times as needed for it to sink in). Most people confuse these terms because of how closely related they are. When you think of someone that's a genius, you often consider them wise. Now, there maybe a few of you that will say, "No I don't! I know exactly what they mean!" To those people I say, good for you. But for the the majority of people who speak the "King's English", we confuse the meaning of words all the time. It's natural.
My thoughts are, like wisdom, love only comes with age and experience. Love isn't simply a feeling that happens when you meet someone. Love requires time and is based on choices that are made. If you look at love as a "strong feeling", then it is an admission that love isn't anything special. Feelings are fleeting, and if that's the case, what separates love from like. Love has to be more complex than the definition that we have placed upon it. I think infatuation is a more appropriate term for what people are experiencing now-a-days. This may be the reason why divorce rates are so high. We are experiencing this "love" that just magically casts a spell over us and leaves us ignorant to all else in the world. I digress.
When you compare the terms genius and infatuation, it seems to fit what I am talking about. A child could come out of the womb and be termed a genius. He or she doesn't have the maturity and experience to be wise, but he or she is a genius. I can be totally smitten when I first meet a woman, but we don't have to maturity together for that infatuation to materialize into love.
I really, really want some feedback on this issue. Can you please respond and let me know what you think? I would really appreciate it. If you don't wish to, then please make the smoothest plans to take your own life. "I'm Just Sayin'..."
Whenever I hear someone say, "It was love at first sight...", I get pissed off. I know that sounds a bit extreme, but what can I say I'm an extremist! It's not really the thought that you can see someone and instantly fall in love that pisses me off, it's more so the misidentification of the feeling. If you're reading "I'm Just Sayin'" for the first time, then you wouldn't know that I am a lover of words. I read the dictionary for fun. I do have my slip ups, but for the most part, every word that comes out of my mouth is deliberate and well calculated. So when I hear someone use a word loosely without understanding it's true meaning, it slightly irritates me(I'm about to get deep so please bear with me).
Okay, so basically my assessment of the phrase,"Love at first sight" is that it's nonesensical. This is probably due to the fact that my definition and the definition that most people use for the term "love" isn't synonymous. I even have a problem with the dictionary.com's definition of the word "love". I don't agree that love is a "strong feeling" (I'll explain in-depth later). To understand my point consider the analogy, love is to wisdom as genius is to infatuation (repeat that as many times as needed for it to sink in). Most people confuse these terms because of how closely related they are. When you think of someone that's a genius, you often consider them wise. Now, there maybe a few of you that will say, "No I don't! I know exactly what they mean!" To those people I say, good for you. But for the the majority of people who speak the "King's English", we confuse the meaning of words all the time. It's natural.
My thoughts are, like wisdom, love only comes with age and experience. Love isn't simply a feeling that happens when you meet someone. Love requires time and is based on choices that are made. If you look at love as a "strong feeling", then it is an admission that love isn't anything special. Feelings are fleeting, and if that's the case, what separates love from like. Love has to be more complex than the definition that we have placed upon it. I think infatuation is a more appropriate term for what people are experiencing now-a-days. This may be the reason why divorce rates are so high. We are experiencing this "love" that just magically casts a spell over us and leaves us ignorant to all else in the world. I digress.
When you compare the terms genius and infatuation, it seems to fit what I am talking about. A child could come out of the womb and be termed a genius. He or she doesn't have the maturity and experience to be wise, but he or she is a genius. I can be totally smitten when I first meet a woman, but we don't have to maturity together for that infatuation to materialize into love.
I really, really want some feedback on this issue. Can you please respond and let me know what you think? I would really appreciate it. If you don't wish to, then please make the smoothest plans to take your own life. "I'm Just Sayin'..."
Friday, October 22, 2010
Self Eval...
In my last couple of posts, I have given a shot out to the person/s who have been the muse of my thoughts. So, I would like to start off by thanking Elaine and Crystal Moorefield for providing the material to get me out of my writers' block. I appreciate you both.
This post right here, (this shit right here, cuz! lol I'm so random)will probably be one of the most reflective pieces about myself and other black men that you will ever see me write. So, I'm just going to say right now, judge me if you will, but the reality of my words may make understanding the thought process of SOME black men a little easier.
A couple of days ago, I received an e-mail message from Elaine and a facebook wall post from Crystal, linking me to some crazy little animation making a spectacle out of the dating woes in the black community. I had seen one before and just really overlooked it, because in my opinion, it was just stupid. Now, I'll be the first to say that there are plenty of MEN out there that fit the description of the character in this animation, but as a black man I just can't get with these generalizations. Call me sensitive, but whatever! I am a black man, and when you say,"this that and the third" about black men, I take offense. That's not me taking up for the men who do fit into this box, it's just me saying don't generalize me. Regardless of the categories that society places us in, we all want to have some level of individuality.
With that being said, I did hear a statement in the animation that forced me to self-evaluate. I've noticed that whenever there is a conversation about the relationship between black men and black women, it turns into a finger pointing session where nothing really gets resolved. Part of the reason for this is because we don't understand one another. Another reason is because neither side wants to take resposibility for his/her actions. So, this is my attempt to go against the grain.
Growing up, I didn't really have many girls checking for me. I mean, don't get me wrong, there were a few girls here and there that were in to me, but for the most part, not really. As a matter of fact, I can remember how some girls would try to play me. For example, when I was in the 5th grade (I probably shouldn't have been thinking about girls then, but hell I was fresh and grown at a young age lol), I was totally smitten by a girl named Tanika Ware. Tanika was beautiful (well at least in my eyes). One day I garnered up enough confidence to approach her and was shocked when she said that she wanted to be my girlfriend. At that point in life I was sort of an outcast, so for her to receive me so well was a bit of an ego boost. I walked around school feeling really good about myself for a couple days. Then comes the let down. I found out a few days later that Tanika thought it would be funny to have me thinking that she was my girlfriend while everyone laughed at me. I was more hurt than embarassed. There are a few more situations that were similar to this that happened over the next couple years of my life.
I know you guys are probably scratching your head saying,"What the hell does that story have to do with anything?" My reply is simple...Everyone has a story. Reflecting on that story made me realize something; That situation has affected my whole life. Every time I get close to a woman, I'm always waiting for her to say,"sike!" Now, some of you may say, "that shouldn't affect you now", but it's unrealistic to think that things that happen to us in the past don't affect our present and future. This has actually caused me to put little or no trust in any woman for fear that I will be left with egg on my face. It's one of those things where you know that it probably isn't right to be this way, but what can I do to change it?
Situations like these that go unresolved are a real problem in our community. Since a lot of people in the black community don't see a need for therapy, these issues tend to reverberate into our present and future interactions. You couple that with the fact that we put our best foot forward in the beginning of dating relationships, and you have a recipe for dating disaster.
I realize that this post has taking a different turn than I initially expected, so I would like to have your feedback before I continue. I'm sure that some of you will disagree with what I've said already, but "I'm Just Sayin'..."
This post right here, (this shit right here, cuz! lol I'm so random)will probably be one of the most reflective pieces about myself and other black men that you will ever see me write. So, I'm just going to say right now, judge me if you will, but the reality of my words may make understanding the thought process of SOME black men a little easier.
A couple of days ago, I received an e-mail message from Elaine and a facebook wall post from Crystal, linking me to some crazy little animation making a spectacle out of the dating woes in the black community. I had seen one before and just really overlooked it, because in my opinion, it was just stupid. Now, I'll be the first to say that there are plenty of MEN out there that fit the description of the character in this animation, but as a black man I just can't get with these generalizations. Call me sensitive, but whatever! I am a black man, and when you say,"this that and the third" about black men, I take offense. That's not me taking up for the men who do fit into this box, it's just me saying don't generalize me. Regardless of the categories that society places us in, we all want to have some level of individuality.
With that being said, I did hear a statement in the animation that forced me to self-evaluate. I've noticed that whenever there is a conversation about the relationship between black men and black women, it turns into a finger pointing session where nothing really gets resolved. Part of the reason for this is because we don't understand one another. Another reason is because neither side wants to take resposibility for his/her actions. So, this is my attempt to go against the grain.
Growing up, I didn't really have many girls checking for me. I mean, don't get me wrong, there were a few girls here and there that were in to me, but for the most part, not really. As a matter of fact, I can remember how some girls would try to play me. For example, when I was in the 5th grade (I probably shouldn't have been thinking about girls then, but hell I was fresh and grown at a young age lol), I was totally smitten by a girl named Tanika Ware. Tanika was beautiful (well at least in my eyes). One day I garnered up enough confidence to approach her and was shocked when she said that she wanted to be my girlfriend. At that point in life I was sort of an outcast, so for her to receive me so well was a bit of an ego boost. I walked around school feeling really good about myself for a couple days. Then comes the let down. I found out a few days later that Tanika thought it would be funny to have me thinking that she was my girlfriend while everyone laughed at me. I was more hurt than embarassed. There are a few more situations that were similar to this that happened over the next couple years of my life.
I know you guys are probably scratching your head saying,"What the hell does that story have to do with anything?" My reply is simple...Everyone has a story. Reflecting on that story made me realize something; That situation has affected my whole life. Every time I get close to a woman, I'm always waiting for her to say,"sike!" Now, some of you may say, "that shouldn't affect you now", but it's unrealistic to think that things that happen to us in the past don't affect our present and future. This has actually caused me to put little or no trust in any woman for fear that I will be left with egg on my face. It's one of those things where you know that it probably isn't right to be this way, but what can I do to change it?
Situations like these that go unresolved are a real problem in our community. Since a lot of people in the black community don't see a need for therapy, these issues tend to reverberate into our present and future interactions. You couple that with the fact that we put our best foot forward in the beginning of dating relationships, and you have a recipe for dating disaster.
I realize that this post has taking a different turn than I initially expected, so I would like to have your feedback before I continue. I'm sure that some of you will disagree with what I've said already, but "I'm Just Sayin'..."
Friday, October 15, 2010
Day 15...My Favorite Blogs
Thanks to Ms. Rhonda Richardson, I have skipped from Day 11 to Day 15. It's okay though because I really like this day of the challenge. Todays' objective is to name your favorite blogs. I only have a couple, so I'll talk a little about them all.
Cerebral Gumbo
The name of this blog is appropriately titled because it has a little bit of everything in it. Rhonda Richardson, the writer of this blog, is one of the people that inspired me to start my own blog. She is very witty and a bit of a lunch box, which is why I identify with her style of writing so much. Click on the link above to check her out.
A Word or Three
Two things that I love in a woman are beauty and sophistication. Crystal Marie Grant has them both, and they come shining through in every post that she publishes. Crystal and I are both alumni of the best university ever established. In every post, Crystal forces me to be more conscious of what I say, do, and write. She is truly a well rounded black woman. I need you all to check her out on the link above.
Evolution of a Queen
Brandy Facey is truly a queen. Her poems are some of the illest (is that a word? lol) lyrics I've ever read. Whenever I need inspiration to write something, I check out her blog. She has forced me to elevate my game in so many ways that I am forever in her debt. Some of her best work she has decided to leave off of her blog, which once you read, you will realize just how talented she is. Check her out at the link above.
I have so many other blogs that I am subscribed to, but since a lot of them don't write regularly, I won't send you to them. Thanks to all of my inspirational bloggers. I definitely draw something from each of you.
Cerebral Gumbo
The name of this blog is appropriately titled because it has a little bit of everything in it. Rhonda Richardson, the writer of this blog, is one of the people that inspired me to start my own blog. She is very witty and a bit of a lunch box, which is why I identify with her style of writing so much. Click on the link above to check her out.
A Word or Three
Two things that I love in a woman are beauty and sophistication. Crystal Marie Grant has them both, and they come shining through in every post that she publishes. Crystal and I are both alumni of the best university ever established. In every post, Crystal forces me to be more conscious of what I say, do, and write. She is truly a well rounded black woman. I need you all to check her out on the link above.
Evolution of a Queen
Brandy Facey is truly a queen. Her poems are some of the illest (is that a word? lol) lyrics I've ever read. Whenever I need inspiration to write something, I check out her blog. She has forced me to elevate my game in so many ways that I am forever in her debt. Some of her best work she has decided to leave off of her blog, which once you read, you will realize just how talented she is. Check her out at the link above.
I have so many other blogs that I am subscribed to, but since a lot of them don't write regularly, I won't send you to them. Thanks to all of my inspirational bloggers. I definitely draw something from each of you.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Day 11
So, I was reading 'Cerebral Gumbo' a couple weeks ago, and Rhonda had an idea to put up a 30 day challenge. Y'all know I'm always up for a challenge, so each day I would go on here page, read the instructions, and comment under her post. Around day 10, I received a Facebook message from Rhonda telling me how slow I am for placing my comment in her response section and not on my own blog. So, I decided to share with you where I am right now and you can join in if you would like.
Now, the instructions for Day 11 are a bit easy:
1. Put your iTunes on Shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. You must write down the name of the song no matter how silly it sounds!
4. Put any comments in brackets after the song name.
(It is crazy how a lot of songs will answer the questions!)
If someone says, “Is this okay?” You say:
Holla If You Need Me- Trey Sonz (Yup! *Trey Songz voice*"
How would you describe yourself?
400 Degreez- Juvenile (I am hot lol)
What do you like in a guy/girl?
Crumblin' Erb- Outkast (this couldn't be farther from the truth! lol)
How do you feel today?
Listen- Beyonce' (I don't know how the hell this got on my IPOD!!! lmao)
What is your life’s purpose?
Addiction- Kanye West("Why everything that's sposed to be bad make me feel so good???" lol)
What is your motto?
Won't Trade- Q-Tip ("I won't trade it for nothing!")
What do your friends think of you?
Crank That (Soulja Boy)- Soulja Boy Tell Em (No comment...lol)
What do you think of your parents?
The Black N Gold- Wale (Mom is looking a lil pale these days...And dad you black as shit! lmao Aight yall don't tell on me. I still get beatings lol)
What do you think about often?
Real As It Gets- Jay-Z feat. Young Jeezy (This is real though. Life is getting more and more real. I need undergrad back in my life lol)
What is 2 + 2?
The Kramer ("He's a nigga!")- Wale
What do you think of your best friend?
Gone- Kanye West (That nigga Bobby left me and went to the A! Twan's still here though! lol)
What do you think of the person you like?
American Terrorist- Lupe Fiasco (I like myself and some days I look in the mirror and wonder if I had on a turbin would I get stopped at the airport lol)
What do you want to be when you grow up?
Crack Music- Kanye West (I do want to make good music...)
What do you think of when you see the person you like?
Dance on Glass- Q-Tip (Damn this is the truth!!! lol)
What will you dance to at your wedding?
Panty Droppa- Trey Songz (I'm down with that! Well i guess it'll be more appropriate for the stripper brides maids lmao)
What will they play at your funeral?
Are We Cuttin'- Pastor Troy feat. Ms. Jade (Does Pastor Troy get to do the eulogy? lol)
What is your hobby/interest?
Reservoir Dogs- Jay-Z Feat. The Lox (???)
What is your biggest fear?
Go Somewhere- Devin The Dude ( I don't want to leave)
What is your biggest secret?
My Downfall- Notorious B.I.G.
What do you think of your friends?
Time- Musiq Soulchild
Thar's pretty much it. I won't stifle you all like Rhonda did to me. You can write yours in my response box if you want. I'm out!
Now, the instructions for Day 11 are a bit easy:
1. Put your iTunes on Shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. You must write down the name of the song no matter how silly it sounds!
4. Put any comments in brackets after the song name.
(It is crazy how a lot of songs will answer the questions!)
If someone says, “Is this okay?” You say:
Holla If You Need Me- Trey Sonz (Yup! *Trey Songz voice*"
How would you describe yourself?
400 Degreez- Juvenile (I am hot lol)
What do you like in a guy/girl?
Crumblin' Erb- Outkast (this couldn't be farther from the truth! lol)
How do you feel today?
Listen- Beyonce' (I don't know how the hell this got on my IPOD!!! lmao)
What is your life’s purpose?
Addiction- Kanye West("Why everything that's sposed to be bad make me feel so good???" lol)
What is your motto?
Won't Trade- Q-Tip ("I won't trade it for nothing!")
What do your friends think of you?
Crank That (Soulja Boy)- Soulja Boy Tell Em (No comment...lol)
What do you think of your parents?
The Black N Gold- Wale (Mom is looking a lil pale these days...And dad you black as shit! lmao Aight yall don't tell on me. I still get beatings lol)
What do you think about often?
Real As It Gets- Jay-Z feat. Young Jeezy (This is real though. Life is getting more and more real. I need undergrad back in my life lol)
What is 2 + 2?
The Kramer ("He's a nigga!")- Wale
What do you think of your best friend?
Gone- Kanye West (That nigga Bobby left me and went to the A! Twan's still here though! lol)
What do you think of the person you like?
American Terrorist- Lupe Fiasco (I like myself and some days I look in the mirror and wonder if I had on a turbin would I get stopped at the airport lol)
What do you want to be when you grow up?
Crack Music- Kanye West (I do want to make good music...)
What do you think of when you see the person you like?
Dance on Glass- Q-Tip (Damn this is the truth!!! lol)
What will you dance to at your wedding?
Panty Droppa- Trey Songz (I'm down with that! Well i guess it'll be more appropriate for the stripper brides maids lmao)
What will they play at your funeral?
Are We Cuttin'- Pastor Troy feat. Ms. Jade (Does Pastor Troy get to do the eulogy? lol)
What is your hobby/interest?
Reservoir Dogs- Jay-Z Feat. The Lox (???)
What is your biggest fear?
Go Somewhere- Devin The Dude ( I don't want to leave)
What is your biggest secret?
My Downfall- Notorious B.I.G.
What do you think of your friends?
Time- Musiq Soulchild
Thar's pretty much it. I won't stifle you all like Rhonda did to me. You can write yours in my response box if you want. I'm out!
Friday, October 1, 2010
Tell 'Em Why You Mad, Son!
So, I was updating my status on Facebook yesterday when I saw that my homegirl Crystal Marie Grant posted a link to an article entitled "8 Reasons To Date A White Man" (I suggest reading this before you continue). At first, I just laughed at the title because I always here black women say, "I'm going to date a white man because niggas ain't shit!" Once I actually opened the linked and read the article, I saw that it really just spoke to the problem between black men and black women (a perpetuation of the cycle if you will). We as humans (not just black folks) are so quick to evaluate the short commings of others, that we rarely self-evaluate. Now, that may be redundant, but I will attempt to rectify once I get going with this post.
I read this article a few times before I got angry. Now, I don't have a problem with any of the points that she made in her article. I do, however, have a problem with the generalizations that she made with each point. I won't go through each of the points she made because I linked the article, but at no time did she say "some" or "a lot of" black men fit this criteria. Each statement started off with "Black Men." Correct me if I'm wrong, but I am a black man, right? You know what! I will go through each point! I feel like I have to exonerate myself from the box that she placed on THIS black man. Alright, here we go:
1. They Open Wide Instead of Down Low
I can open wide right now and tell you that I'm a healthy heterosexual male, and I love women. The best creation that the Lord has ever touched was a black woman (in my opinion) and nothing on this earth is comparable.
2. Not Looking For Someone To Take Car of Them
Every man in my family is a work-a-holic and provider. Me ask a woman to take care of me? Won't happen! I would honestly rather be on the street begging for change! Well that's a little extreme but you get my drift.
3. Attend and Graduate College
For real though? If you went to an HBCU, you've seen plenty of black men that have graduated from college. Well, if you haven't, I'll be done with my Masters next summer, and working on my Ph.D next fall. How's that for an education.
4. At Least Attempt To Marry Before Making Babies
Unless you count all of these god-kids as mine, I don't have any babies and I won't have any until I get married.
5. They Don't Glamorize Ignorance
I don't even go around my old neighborhood often because the attitudes aren't progressive. I know I'm not a "thug" and I've never tried to portray myself as such. And I know every lyric to every hip-hop song ever created (no really I do).
6. Financial Planning and Stability
Ask AXA about my financial planning. Ask DCTFCU about my stability. I moved back in with my parents so that I could have 20% of a down payment and not the lowly 3.5% that FHA requires (Oh yeah, check out the new regulations coming to FHA this October).
7. Have The Ability To Look beyond Your Past
This just sounds like something a promiscuous woman writes to be accepted after whoring around in a city, then decides that she wants to be taken serious. I won't even entertain this one.
8. Don't Take Everything As A Challenge To Their Masculinity
I don't think you can write #2 and then write this one. They conflict. I do take certain things as a challenge to my masculinity. If you're going to accept one gender role then accept them all! I feel like that's a pride thing though. Some women (not all) feel that they have to aggressively assert themselves to make a point that a mans presence isn't needed. That's fine, but most times that will assure you that you don't need a man.
I guess 7/8 isn't bad.
I read this article a few times before I got angry. Now, I don't have a problem with any of the points that she made in her article. I do, however, have a problem with the generalizations that she made with each point. I won't go through each of the points she made because I linked the article, but at no time did she say "some" or "a lot of" black men fit this criteria. Each statement started off with "Black Men." Correct me if I'm wrong, but I am a black man, right? You know what! I will go through each point! I feel like I have to exonerate myself from the box that she placed on THIS black man. Alright, here we go:
1. They Open Wide Instead of Down Low
I can open wide right now and tell you that I'm a healthy heterosexual male, and I love women. The best creation that the Lord has ever touched was a black woman (in my opinion) and nothing on this earth is comparable.
2. Not Looking For Someone To Take Car of Them
Every man in my family is a work-a-holic and provider. Me ask a woman to take care of me? Won't happen! I would honestly rather be on the street begging for change! Well that's a little extreme but you get my drift.
3. Attend and Graduate College
For real though? If you went to an HBCU, you've seen plenty of black men that have graduated from college. Well, if you haven't, I'll be done with my Masters next summer, and working on my Ph.D next fall. How's that for an education.
4. At Least Attempt To Marry Before Making Babies
Unless you count all of these god-kids as mine, I don't have any babies and I won't have any until I get married.
5. They Don't Glamorize Ignorance
I don't even go around my old neighborhood often because the attitudes aren't progressive. I know I'm not a "thug" and I've never tried to portray myself as such. And I know every lyric to every hip-hop song ever created (no really I do).
6. Financial Planning and Stability
Ask AXA about my financial planning. Ask DCTFCU about my stability. I moved back in with my parents so that I could have 20% of a down payment and not the lowly 3.5% that FHA requires (Oh yeah, check out the new regulations coming to FHA this October).
7. Have The Ability To Look beyond Your Past
This just sounds like something a promiscuous woman writes to be accepted after whoring around in a city, then decides that she wants to be taken serious. I won't even entertain this one.
8. Don't Take Everything As A Challenge To Their Masculinity
I don't think you can write #2 and then write this one. They conflict. I do take certain things as a challenge to my masculinity. If you're going to accept one gender role then accept them all! I feel like that's a pride thing though. Some women (not all) feel that they have to aggressively assert themselves to make a point that a mans presence isn't needed. That's fine, but most times that will assure you that you don't need a man.
I guess 7/8 isn't bad.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Why I No Longer Want A Career In Education
As some of you can tell by the title, I am blogging out of frustration and may not necessarily mean that I don't want to teach anymore. However, after watching Oprahs' episode glorifying D.C. schools Chancellor Michelle Rhee, I can no longer stomach the disrespect that teachers are subject to. I won't use this as a forum to rip the chancellor (I'll save that for another post), but I do want to address the gamut of issues that plague our school systems. Issues that have seemed to be scapegoated by the teachers who are asked to overcome these issues. So, since the Oprah show only focused on ineffective teachers, I'll focus on everything else.
Compensation: I think this is the most obvious factor when it comes to education. While other fields enjoy pay comparable to the amount of time that they put in, teachers are often asked to go above and beyond without being compensated properly. Now, I don't mind putting my business out there, so telling you all that I started out making 42K in Washington, D.C. doesn't bother me. What does bother me is that after taxes, I can't afford a decent place to live on this salary. If being undervalued doesn't take affect in any other form, it does in the pockets. Of course, people outside of the education arena will try to mind fuck us (yes I said fuck! lol) into thinking that it shouldn't be about money, but how else are we supposed to live?
Socioeconomic Status: I heard the chancellor say (this isn't an exact quote) that all students can learn regardless of the circumstances. In theory, this is a great attitude to have because you shouldn't walk into a classroom and think that all of your students will be failures because they are from a particular background. The thing about theory, is that when it is applied to real life situations, it may not work as well as we liked to think it will. Actually, to really believe that socioeconomic situations don't affect education and learning would suggest that you as a person deal in idealism. For a person to make that statement and actually believe it means that he/she is a little out of touch with reality. No Child Left Behind (NCLB) has made it very clear that poor students don't need as much money as students that are well off. While this is probably the dumbest thing I've ever heard, it speaks to the agenda of the people at the top pulling the strings.
Classroom Size: Have you ever tried to get order in a room full of 20+ children??? No? Well not only do teachers in the District have to gain order and control, but they also have to make sure every student is on or above grade level. Now, Chancellor Rhee bragged about closing schools that were under performing. These schools already had large class sizes, so what happened to the students at these schools? Yup! You guessed it. These students were placed into already over crowded schools and classrooms to put more pressure on teachers. Sad reality: Given the differences in learning styles, if you place 30+ students in a classroom, they won't all learn.
Standardized Tests: If you have heard of NCLB then you have an idea that test scores tie into how much money schools receive. The problem with this is that administrators put pressure on teachers to raise test scores "by any means necessary". This forces teachers to "teach to the test" instead of create a well rounded educational experience. This method of teaching doesn't not foster learning, but well else can you do if this is required of you as educators?
Parent Involvement (or lack thereof): The first teachers that children will ever have are their parents. The epidemic of "babies having babies" has severely inhibited childrens early years learning. With that being said, children are coming into classrooms knowing the hottest song on the radio, but not their ABC's. How effective can you be as a teacher if you aren't receiving reinforcement at home? Not to mention that curricula are filled with standards that parents should be teaching at home anyway. Why as a physical education teacher do I have to teach about hygiene? Students should come to school without knowing about hygiene!!! But today some parents would rather we raise their kids. I parent told me on the first day of school that they sure are glad that their child is back in school so that they can get a break. Is this what it has come to? Parents placing the onus of child rearing on teachers?
Just writing this post has made me more angry. To enter a career as thankless as teaching, and then to be told that you are the primary reason for the decline of student achievement is a bit of a smack in the face. I do understand that there are teachers out there who are horrible and need to be run out of the school system, but what about the teachers who are being pushed out without any type of support. If this continues, the teaching profession will become more unattractive than it already is, and getting people to enter the field will be more challenging than trying to educate students. I'll just tell people like Chancellor Rhee, goodluck with that. Now, that may sound harsh, but "I'm Just Sayin'"...
Compensation: I think this is the most obvious factor when it comes to education. While other fields enjoy pay comparable to the amount of time that they put in, teachers are often asked to go above and beyond without being compensated properly. Now, I don't mind putting my business out there, so telling you all that I started out making 42K in Washington, D.C. doesn't bother me. What does bother me is that after taxes, I can't afford a decent place to live on this salary. If being undervalued doesn't take affect in any other form, it does in the pockets. Of course, people outside of the education arena will try to mind fuck us (yes I said fuck! lol) into thinking that it shouldn't be about money, but how else are we supposed to live?
Socioeconomic Status: I heard the chancellor say (this isn't an exact quote) that all students can learn regardless of the circumstances. In theory, this is a great attitude to have because you shouldn't walk into a classroom and think that all of your students will be failures because they are from a particular background. The thing about theory, is that when it is applied to real life situations, it may not work as well as we liked to think it will. Actually, to really believe that socioeconomic situations don't affect education and learning would suggest that you as a person deal in idealism. For a person to make that statement and actually believe it means that he/she is a little out of touch with reality. No Child Left Behind (NCLB) has made it very clear that poor students don't need as much money as students that are well off. While this is probably the dumbest thing I've ever heard, it speaks to the agenda of the people at the top pulling the strings.
Classroom Size: Have you ever tried to get order in a room full of 20+ children??? No? Well not only do teachers in the District have to gain order and control, but they also have to make sure every student is on or above grade level. Now, Chancellor Rhee bragged about closing schools that were under performing. These schools already had large class sizes, so what happened to the students at these schools? Yup! You guessed it. These students were placed into already over crowded schools and classrooms to put more pressure on teachers. Sad reality: Given the differences in learning styles, if you place 30+ students in a classroom, they won't all learn.
Standardized Tests: If you have heard of NCLB then you have an idea that test scores tie into how much money schools receive. The problem with this is that administrators put pressure on teachers to raise test scores "by any means necessary". This forces teachers to "teach to the test" instead of create a well rounded educational experience. This method of teaching doesn't not foster learning, but well else can you do if this is required of you as educators?
Parent Involvement (or lack thereof): The first teachers that children will ever have are their parents. The epidemic of "babies having babies" has severely inhibited childrens early years learning. With that being said, children are coming into classrooms knowing the hottest song on the radio, but not their ABC's. How effective can you be as a teacher if you aren't receiving reinforcement at home? Not to mention that curricula are filled with standards that parents should be teaching at home anyway. Why as a physical education teacher do I have to teach about hygiene? Students should come to school without knowing about hygiene!!! But today some parents would rather we raise their kids. I parent told me on the first day of school that they sure are glad that their child is back in school so that they can get a break. Is this what it has come to? Parents placing the onus of child rearing on teachers?
Just writing this post has made me more angry. To enter a career as thankless as teaching, and then to be told that you are the primary reason for the decline of student achievement is a bit of a smack in the face. I do understand that there are teachers out there who are horrible and need to be run out of the school system, but what about the teachers who are being pushed out without any type of support. If this continues, the teaching profession will become more unattractive than it already is, and getting people to enter the field will be more challenging than trying to educate students. I'll just tell people like Chancellor Rhee, goodluck with that. Now, that may sound harsh, but "I'm Just Sayin'"...
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Take The Heisman From That Hoe
Ok, so no disrespect to Reggie Bush because I'm sure you read this title and said, "Jarrett is so disrespectful!" I just tried to make a play on words with that song whose hook goes, "Do the heisman on that hoe!" (No I don't know the correct title or who sings it, but neither do you!!!)
Every since this morning I have been itching to respond to the question that Russ Parr placed on the people poll (Should Reggie Busg be stripped of his Heisman?). Listening to the show, the overwhelming senitment by most callers was that since he hadn't taken steroids or done anything to to enhance his play on the field, he should not be stripped of the heisman trophy. I can understand why most people would make that assessment in lieu of the recent transgressions of baseball players, but my problem with this issue stems more from an overall mindset and disconnect.
If you know me, then you know that I was a collegiate athlete. Even if you don't know me I'm sure you could tell by looking. (as i get stopped and asked, "who do you play for?" regularly) Now, I didn't play any place as fancy as USC, but I am happy with my overall experience at Howard University. Since football is on a larger scale at a place like USC, I didn't have to worry about boosters slipping me envelopes full of cash, or someone paying my rent every month. My scholarship, Pell grants, and loans were all I had to rely on. With all that being said, I can't say for sure if I would have indulged in the lavish perks that comes with playing for a perinnial power like USC. What I can say, is that I believe that you make every choice consciously. With those choices come consequences. One of the consequences of taking money as a student athlete, is that you forfeit your amatuer status. Professional athletes are the only athletes that can be paid for sport. Once Reggie decided to indulge, he was no longer a college athlete. Yes, he did amazing (no skittles) things on the field, but he did those things as a professional athlete. I'm sure that someone will make the argument that Reggie isn't the only amatuer athlete to take money, and we can assume that some probably have, but there is no definitive evidence out there agaisnt anyone else. Another argument that I'm sure some of you will make, is that colleges receive millions, if not billions of dollars off of the sweat and pain of these college athletes, so they should get paid. I do agree that it is totally unfair for colleges to make all of this money and not be able to give athletes a penny, but if I remember correctly scholarships pay at least 30k a year. Ask they person working 3 jobs and taking out loans, what's fair? I may be biased because I didn't have to deal with issues like that, but I just feel like todays athletes are way too pampered. Reggie was a year from getting millions in the league, so why couldn't he just wait?
So, if you ask me, yes he should be stripped of his heisman. I'm sure that was apparent by the tone of the text, but there are a bunch of messages that must be sent. 1) You must be responsible for you actions. If Reggie took money, he should just own up to it. I've seen him dodge those questions like he was running back a punt. 2) Rather good or bad, your choices have consequences. Let's think of the message we send other athletes if we allow Reggie to keep his trophy. You can be immoral and unethical with no real consequences. The ramifications would be paramount.
I think one of the bigger problems that I have with this whole issue, is the response from the majority. Everyone was so caught on what he didn't do and what every one else was doing that he was basically being exonerated for his actions. I understand that he could have done something worse, but he broke the rules. I think the response to this issue speaks more to the moral code (or lack thereof) of our society today. If we teach our kids that he or she only have to assume responsibility and accept consequences for his or her actions, only if there was no one that has done something worse, then our society is going to hell in a handbasket. Sport is all about teaching discipline and teamwork, and "I'm Just Sayin'" if we're going to do it right, let's not let the athletes off the hook when they don't display these attributes.
Every since this morning I have been itching to respond to the question that Russ Parr placed on the people poll (Should Reggie Busg be stripped of his Heisman?). Listening to the show, the overwhelming senitment by most callers was that since he hadn't taken steroids or done anything to to enhance his play on the field, he should not be stripped of the heisman trophy. I can understand why most people would make that assessment in lieu of the recent transgressions of baseball players, but my problem with this issue stems more from an overall mindset and disconnect.
If you know me, then you know that I was a collegiate athlete. Even if you don't know me I'm sure you could tell by looking. (as i get stopped and asked, "who do you play for?" regularly) Now, I didn't play any place as fancy as USC, but I am happy with my overall experience at Howard University. Since football is on a larger scale at a place like USC, I didn't have to worry about boosters slipping me envelopes full of cash, or someone paying my rent every month. My scholarship, Pell grants, and loans were all I had to rely on. With all that being said, I can't say for sure if I would have indulged in the lavish perks that comes with playing for a perinnial power like USC. What I can say, is that I believe that you make every choice consciously. With those choices come consequences. One of the consequences of taking money as a student athlete, is that you forfeit your amatuer status. Professional athletes are the only athletes that can be paid for sport. Once Reggie decided to indulge, he was no longer a college athlete. Yes, he did amazing (no skittles) things on the field, but he did those things as a professional athlete. I'm sure that someone will make the argument that Reggie isn't the only amatuer athlete to take money, and we can assume that some probably have, but there is no definitive evidence out there agaisnt anyone else. Another argument that I'm sure some of you will make, is that colleges receive millions, if not billions of dollars off of the sweat and pain of these college athletes, so they should get paid. I do agree that it is totally unfair for colleges to make all of this money and not be able to give athletes a penny, but if I remember correctly scholarships pay at least 30k a year. Ask they person working 3 jobs and taking out loans, what's fair? I may be biased because I didn't have to deal with issues like that, but I just feel like todays athletes are way too pampered. Reggie was a year from getting millions in the league, so why couldn't he just wait?
So, if you ask me, yes he should be stripped of his heisman. I'm sure that was apparent by the tone of the text, but there are a bunch of messages that must be sent. 1) You must be responsible for you actions. If Reggie took money, he should just own up to it. I've seen him dodge those questions like he was running back a punt. 2) Rather good or bad, your choices have consequences. Let's think of the message we send other athletes if we allow Reggie to keep his trophy. You can be immoral and unethical with no real consequences. The ramifications would be paramount.
I think one of the bigger problems that I have with this whole issue, is the response from the majority. Everyone was so caught on what he didn't do and what every one else was doing that he was basically being exonerated for his actions. I understand that he could have done something worse, but he broke the rules. I think the response to this issue speaks more to the moral code (or lack thereof) of our society today. If we teach our kids that he or she only have to assume responsibility and accept consequences for his or her actions, only if there was no one that has done something worse, then our society is going to hell in a handbasket. Sport is all about teaching discipline and teamwork, and "I'm Just Sayin'" if we're going to do it right, let's not let the athletes off the hook when they don't display these attributes.
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