When I contemplate the idea of marriage, I do so with a few great examples of what it takes to make a relationship last. My grandparents were married for 54 years; my parents were married for 32 years; and with the exception my uncle and aunt, (RIP Uncle Gary) I haven't seen any marriage in my family end in divorce. As you would assume, this can put a lot of pressure on me as the next generation to find the right fit of a mate. With marriage being taken so lightly now-a-days, I'm terrified that I may make the wrong choice and be the one that messes up the tradition of resolve and stick-to-it-tiveness. Now, I'm sure (for those of you who know) can look at my previous relationship and all of the back and forth (which was solely on my part), and say that I've already created a behavior of running. I can understand why that may be a concern, but if you consider that I tried on many occasions to right the wrong in myself (not sure how sucessful I was) in order to make the situation healthy, I think you'd see that that isn't an issue. But I digress because this post isn't about that.
So, I was watching the season finale of 'Housewives of Atlanta' (How the hell are they housewives if only Cynthia is married???) and one of the suspicions that I've had for a long time was confirmed. Now, I saw this throughout the season, but it was more apparent on this episode than any other. I know some of you would like me to just hurry up and say what that is, but I like being a jerk like this so I'll just sing the jeopardy theme music and then I'll say it *Jeopardy theme*...A good quantity of women get married with the wedding in mind, more so than the actual marriage. I do realize that as little girls and young women, some women had dreams of the big lavish wedding with all of the trimmings. There aren't many women out there that haven't had these dreams, but when you grow up into women you have to understand what's within reason and what just isn't feasible.
I've said on numerous occasions that me and the person that I decide to tie the knot with, will be doing so at the justice of the peace. I really only say this to piss women (especially my mother) off. I'm honestly open to having something intimate, but only if it doesn't land me in the poor house. Again, I digress because this post isn't about that.
Basically, I want to know what women think about this issue. Do you feel that Cynthia's actions toward marriage fit your thoughts? Do you think that it's more about the marriage than the wedding? Let me know what you think, please?
4 comments:
Now as someone who did not watch the Housewives episode you are referencing but is a lady(who loves all things wedding related), I'm going to throw my two cents in. I feel that people in general don't really think through the marriage during, and even before, the engagement. It's very easy for people to get caught up in planning(or avoiding)the wedding rather than shoring up the foundation of their marriage. Yes, it's usually the woman that gets crapped on for getting involved in the wedding planning but this marriage is about two people. So if she's not focusing on building a foundation and he's avoiding wedding planning by doing anything but...who's building the foundation for the marriage? Yea...
Now as to your question about it being more about the marriage than the wedding. I think it's very evident that the focus has been on the wedding(My Fair Wedding; Rich Bride Poor Bride; Who's Wedding is It Anyway; Say Yes to the Dress; Bridezilla-yes I love all things wedding)but where are the shows documenting marriage prep/counceling...you see where this has gotten us as a society. Having been there and done that I advise my friend that the wedding isn't for you, it's for your friend and family. The marriage is for you. Spend twice as much time and energy in marriage counseling as you do wedding planning.
To me, the approach/perspective a woman is gonna have regarding her wedding is going to be shaped by her personality and the things she values in life generally. So if she likes premium products I would gather that will translate into the type of wedding she'll desire. There's nothing wrong with that to me if they can afford it. On the other hand, if she's a budget conscious woman, I'm sure that will be the approach she'll take in her planning and still be able to have a wedding that meets her expectations.
As far as the marriage versus wedding question...again, I think the answer to that depends on the woman's maturity and values. So I guess the key here is to choose wisely...I don't think it's that difficult to discern the type of woman you're dealing with. It's more so choosing whether or not to ignore the obvious.
Marriage versus the wedding:
I personally feel it all depends on the people involved. In the society that we live in today, much like how one of the previous commenters stated, we as a society are brainwashed by what we see on tv. led to believe that bigger is better and the glitter and glamour is more important and outweighs anything else. But then again. I would not cast all the blame on just the female. Men and women both play a role in the relationship. Too often people rush into relationships, rush through the process and never really take the time to truly get to know one another for the person they are. People don't value the meaning of love or relationships anymore. Both men and women are more concerned with what someone can do for them. And yes the wedding isn't really for the bride or groom, it is for the family and friends but women being women and being wired to think they have to be better than the next do push the limits sometimes. Im not saying this is true of all people but it is pretty much prevalent in our everyday society. Personally I want a family, Im not interested in arm candy. I want someone who I can talk to on every level, someone to be honest and true, accept me for me and I am the same about that person. Before people enter into the sanction of marriage get to know the person to know you in your heart of hearts want that person for the rest of your life and not just for what they can do for you for the moment.
I think you are right. Many women think of the glamor of the wedding, and being able to say I'm married, or I got a man. What they should be worried about is does he want the things out of life that I do. Or does he treat me as his equal. No I do think Cynthia was ready. She was more interested in the show(the wedding) than what, was going on with their finances.
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