I want to apologize once more to those of you who have been reading my maturation series. I wanted to hold this topic until I finished the series but I don't see an end in sight, and since my cousin Candy advised me to stop writing it on my blog so I will have something for the book, I felt the need to slide this post right in the middle here. So thank you for your patience as I skim through "My Thoughts".
A few weeks ago I was having a conversation with one of my friends about marriage. Now, I'm nowhere near close to leaping over the broom, but I getting older and I must have these types of conversations to sort out my feelings about the matter. Actually, the conversation was pretty one sided, which is why I felt the need to write this post.
I know that there aren't many guys who read this blog (shot out to the ones that do) but this one is aimed at you. Ladies, I will attempt to capture the essence of the argument that SOME of you have and pass it to males, in a male perspective.
So, the conversation basically started when my friend Irnise and I were talking about what type of wedding she wanted. She pointed out every detail. From the colors that will be worn, down to who will make the cake, she had everything laid out. I was a little amused by it initially. I was thinking to myself,"How she done made all these plans with no husband?" As I continued to listen I wondered how I would feel if I walked into a situation where my future wife had everything planned without discussing it with me first.
The more and more I thought about it, the more and more irritated I got. I do understand that for a lot of women, the wedding day is like a big exhibition that you have been dreaming about since you were a little girl. I just can't understand, that as an adult, why should this dream trump the opinions of whatever man you are going to marry. I mean, after all, a marriage is more than the superficial parade that is put on display the day that two become one.
Before I get on men, I will say that some women use this as a day to show off and invite people who they really don't care for as a "rub in the face" if you will. I think this is very childish and selfish and doesn't really have the institution of marriage at heart.
As I started to weigh in on this a little more, I realize why women plan these big elaborate weddings with all the trimmings: Because we allow them to! Now ladies, before you get up in arms by my use of the word "allow" please let me explain. We as men, for the most part, have no thoughts of marriage while we're young. We talk about the "M" word as if it is some type of obscenity. Then when we do finally find "the one", we become as inactive as possible thinking that this is somehow "her" day. Now, whether this is do to laziness, fear (lol), or just plain old nonchalance remains to be seen, but I am here to start the revolution!
We as men need to be more proactive in the process. When you decide that you have found the woman that you would like to spend the rest of your life with, make time to sit down to discuss as a team, what type of wedding you want to have. Don't just go along with every demand because you don't want to take an interest in what was always thought of to be a day for the woman. This day is about the union of the two of you! So the TWO of you should be equally involved.
4 comments:
I agree that a lot of women (including myself) think about the things we want in our future wedding, but this isn't to say that our future husband won't have a choice in the wedding plans. I think that most men tend to stay out of the more intricate details as flower arrangements, table settings, program and the like and I don't see this as a problem. I'm sure they're still consulted or made aware of some of the choices, but most men that I know are happy they don't have to worry about those details. Based on the weddings I’ve seen planned, the men however, are involved the major details that require the input of both parties and are the more costly and significant items such as location, hall rental, cake choice, limo, guest list and menu. The way I see it, there really isn't any way for men not to be involved when they also share the financial burden for the wedding.
So while some women have this fantasy in our mind of how we would like our weddings to be, it doesn't necessarily mean that will become a reality – still, there isn’t anything wrong with us envisioning that special day. On the other hand, there may be certain areas/items that we may not be so willing to compromise on, which I'm sure would be worked out ;). In terms of the women who plan elaborate weddings "for show", I would only imagine that their future husbands are aware of their flashy/showboaty nature and either loves her for who she is and is okay with it or he is similar in respect.
Elaine, Elaine, Elaine. I did not think you were a woman that was comfortable with gender roles.
While I do agree that a lot of these plans are usually stuff women tend to care about more, I think it would go a long way for a man to be included in these plans. Not even included, more like active participant. I think as a man, I would like to be considered in every detail. Not just the big decisions that involve a bunch of money. I would like to think it is a decision for the two of us to make.
I'm sure that your future wife would be elated to have your interest in all of the wedding details. Most women, including myself, are not happy when their significant other does not share the same level of interest/excitement in plans of this nature and therefore, would appreciate that greatly. I agree that if men want to be involved in all of the details, they need to be an active participant, instead of taking a backseat.
You already know what I told you about Art and I wedding! The only thing I am doing alone is picking my dress LOL....I was never big on the "M" word and you know my quite well to know that accepting his proposal was HUGE for me! So I have alreadylet him know he is going to have to make this a group thing b/c I am not putting myself on display for a dog and ponly show. I feel like a wedding is something sepcial fro two ppl that is witnessed (if you will) by those that are close and share in that special relationship with the two. Which is why WE plan to do a desitnation wedding and then big huge reception upon returnig for those that were not given a desitination invite. So really J I am will you on this one!
Ya Girl
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