Down With The Chase?

I truly appreciate all the women that read this blog. Regardless if you agree or disagree with my "cynical", over-the-top views, your support is the reason I continue to write. Thanks!

With that being said, I kind of wish that more men would read and comment, so that I can have a range of views that confirm or deny my personal point of view. It's cool. I guess the fact that I'm privy to information that most women aren't will suffice.

After reading the comments under, 'Long Live The Chase', it appears that the resounding theme is that women don't want to play games. I understand this viewpoint. Who really WANTS to play games? Nobody! Not consciously anyway. But let's dig into the concept of "playing games". What the hell does that actually mean? I'm sure we all have our own definition, but I take it to mean that you aren't being entirely honest in what you want out of the interaction AND your actions are contrary to your words. If you were to take that meaning, how many of you would be guilty of "playing games"? ((Looks for hands to raise then steps back and waits on lightening for the self-righteous folks who kept their hands at their side)) (Sidenote: If you aren't willing to be honest with yourself please stop reading. There's no reason to waste your time)

Didn't really follow that? Okay, scenario time!
Scenario #1- Boy meets girl. Boy expresses interest in girl, but tells girl that he isn't looking to be in a relationship. Girl says that she isn't looking to be in one either and dating commences. Days, weeks, months later girl feels like her and boy are in a relationship, but boy still isn't looking to be in a relationship. Girl gets mad and confronts boy and the dating is dissolved.
Now, who would you say is playing games? It's cool, I'll let that one simmer.

Now that we have "playing games" (I can certainly take your personal meaning in the comment section, which I'm sure will lead to a follow up post) out of the way, let's get back to the point.

This is what I mean when I say "keep him chasing". Scenario time yet again.
Scenario #2- Boy and girl start dating and after months of getting to know one another thoroughly, Boy and Girl mutually agree to be in a committed relationship. Girl is so excited to have a man, that she changes certain behavioral patterns that she had during the dating phase. Girl doesn't go out with her friends anymore. Girl is always readily accessible to Boy. Girl wants to be up under Boy ALL the time. Boy likes this for a while, then realizes that this isn't exciting him. (Honest time) Boy starts to go out and receive attention from Other Girls. Boy still loves girl, but isn't excited by Girl.
Seems to me like Boy is about to get himself into some trouble.

I'm sure the women reading this post are thinking to themselves, "Wow! Niggas ain't shit!" (Total assumption) That assessment could possibly be fair, but where's the merit? I just described a situation that occurs more often than a man would like to admit, but the thing is: Most men don't even understand this about themselves! I'm sure that their's only a small population of men who have thought deep enough on this issue; and an even smaller number are willing to be honest about it.

Back to the topic. Having a man continue to chase isn't a bad thing. Who really wants to be in a stale relationship? I know I don't and I'm almost certain that you don't. My point is for you as women to do things to keep us engaged and excited. Go out with your friends. Don't immediately respond to our text messages. Allow us to miss you. Let us be the aggressors. We need that as men to stay engaged. Call it "playing games" if you must, but I can't imagine a guy who loves you not wanting to stay in a relationship if you're keeping it exciting.

At the end of the day, I just want to improve the relations between men and women. It is my belief that we either aren't being honest with ourselves or we aren't being honest with each other. I have already decided to follow up on this post to answer some of the unanswered questions that are still looming. Well, unless you all feel like I'm beating a dead horse (Oh Seabiscuit! :'-( ) Again, I appreciate all of you for reading and I look forward to your comments.

Long Live The Chase

Guess who's biz-ack with a fresh post for the masses??? No! I'm not Crystal Marie Grant! Her blog is www.awordorthree.com. My name is Jarrett Burgess, remember me? Well, if you don't, I've brought you such thought provoking posts such as 'Always the Chase, Rarely the Capture' and 'Pimp Juice'; "But this ish right here n$gg@, this ish right here!" may just be the thing to get my former readers back on my team.

I always proclaim to tell the truth. This is a lie. Not intentionally, but moreso because there are times when I'm not truthful with myself, so how can I be expected to be honest with someone else? I'm sure most of you can share in this sentiment; and for those of you who can't, you're lying to yourself right now, so just stop reading this post. I'm about to be as transparent as I have ever been, and it will take an open mind to navigate what you read and understand the relations between men and women. If I can remember correctly, I usually throw out the disclaimer, "I do not claim to be the voice of every man." I do, however, speak for enough men that my thoughts are relevant and should be taken VERY serious.

Some time ago I wrote a post called 'Always the Chase, Rarely the Capture' (If you want to know what it's about then scroll back on this blog until you find it) where I released the tip of the iceberg...this time I'm going to drain the water.

I've always considered myself a good man, but after a few interactions with different women, I'm not so sure about that. I mean, I'm definitely a gentleman. I'm considerate. I'm chivalrous. I'm protective. A provider. All of the things that a woman would want in a man (Okay, I'm tooting my own horn for a purpose). The problem is, the innate thing that separates male and female didn't fully skip over me.

The "thrill" of the chase is something that excites every man. It doesn't matter how much we attempt to deny it. It's the reason why some men cheat physically. It's the reason why some men hold inapporpriate relationships with women that aren't their significant other. We have something inside of us that craves pursuit. I have absolutely no idea where it comes from, but ladies, any man willing to be totally honest, will tell you that it's inside of him. We can be totally enthralled with a woman, but once we "have" her, we no longer have the thrill of the chase. Now, I purposely put quotations around "have" in that last sentence to illustrate that "have" doesn't necessarily mean sex. The word "have" could simply mean "have your attention". Whatever the meaning, something changes in BOTH of us after the capture.

Ladies, I know you may not want to follow me on this, but check me out: During the chase phase, most women are interested without being too available; nice with the right touch of sassiness; and partial without being overly-affectionate. Once "the chase" turns into "the capture", that changes a bit (or a lot depending on the woman). Now, I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with this, because that means that we've won your total attention; but this change in you all is counteracted by the change in us. The chase is complete.

I went through all of that to give women the secret to keeping a man interested after he "has" you: Keep him chasing! Pretty obvious, huh? Yeah, well you already knew that men weren't that complicated. I'm sure that the average woman will say, "Jarrett, this sounds like games and I'm getting too old for that". While on some level I agree with this, I think the alternative reeks of laziness and complacency. Far too often I see women get a man and stop doing all the things that they did to attract him. If you're content with this, then continue doing what you've been doing; but if not, ask questions under the "comments" tab of this post and I promise I will write a follow up answering your questions.

Social Media

Ever since social media stepped on the scene (Blackplanet was my first memory), it has been used by people for various reasons. Whether you use it for networking, love, or just connecting with people that you don't see on a regular basis, it has a huge effect on the way we interact now-a-days. How you represent yourself on social media can paint a vivid picture of the person you are to the people that "friend" or "follow" you. But what if that picture isn't a true depiction of the person that you are?

A few months ago I decided to turn my attention away from the Facebook craze and see just what Twitter had to offer. When I first started I didn't really understand the point. I mean, it just seemed like a Facebook status update with less character use. I quickly saw that Twitter was its own beast with different features and a different set of rules.

I started Twitter with just a few followers. I saw that my followers used Twitter to tweet about whatever they felt. Some would tweet inspirational thoughts for the day. Some would tweet about whatever topics were trending at the moment. Some would just tweet about what was going on in their day. Paying attention to this, I tried to find out exactly what I would use Twitter for. The primary reason I came up with was to promote the poetry on my blog. I started off doing this and quickly realized that nobody cared or paid much attention. After awhile I realized that the people that received the feedback on Twitter were the people that already had established themselves on the site or the people that said the craziest most controversial stuff. I decided that I would use the latter as my Twitter-dentity.(I know I usually have trouble getting to the point so here it is.)

A few weeks ago I had a friend tweet about her husband and how wonderful he was on their anniversary. I was so moved by that tweet that I decided to take a break from my usual Twitter antics and share how blessed I would be to have my wife tweet stuff like that about me. A couple minutes later I received a text message, from a woman that I thoroughly respect for the way she represents herself, about what I had tweeted. This woman is one of my followers and she let me know that with the way I represent myself on Twitter, I didn't strike her as the "marrying type." I must admit that when I first read this text I was a little upset that she said that. I mean, I believe that if anyone has ever spent any extensive time around me, they would know that the stuff I tweet is extreme and over the top.
After I got over the intial shock of the insult, I accepted what she said. I mean, how could I expect her to make any other assessment about the person I am? We did go out on a date or two, but that's hardly enough time to make an impression that would out-weigh what she reads on Twitter daily.

Even though I understood where she was coming from about the way I represent myself via Twitter, I can't agree with making assessments of people's character solely by the things that they tweet. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and if it's being based on what you learn through social media, I can imagine that you'd misjudge a lot of good people. I know what and who I am, and although I kid around on Twitter about all sorts of randmoness, I know with great certainty that I will be a great boyfriend/husband/father etc. No tweet will take away from that.

Always About The Chase, Rarely About The Capture

Good morning, afternoon, or evening folks! Whatever the time of day is, I really need you to sit down and actually actively apply yourself to this post. I've attempted to be as transparent as I can in the past, but I just may be breaking "Man Law" with this one. Not that this is some secret that we as men share when women aren't around, but it is my belief that since most men don't even understand this about themselves, they really wouldn't want women to know it until they are able to disect it.

So, I was asked this morning by Ms. Candice Thomas (it's so cold in the D! lmao) why do "men pursue a whole lot in the beginning and once they get what they want, they get comfortable?" I thought I would have an immediate answer to her for this question, but although I have wondered this myself, I still had to reflect on why I thought this was. The first thing I had to do was admit to myself that we as men do this. Yes, I myself am guilty. The second thing I had to do was not point the finger and say, "Women do it too, sometimes!!!" The third thing I had to do was convince myself to be totally honest in an attempt to create open dialouge between men and women, so that we can try to understand each other a little better. This is what I came up with.

So ladies, you are aware that boys and girls are raised a little different, right? Well, if so, you have to know that it heavily affects the way we interact/treat one another. Now, I think we as people objectify each other, but men objectifying women is highly visible. Why is that though? Quite simple: We're raised to! Not just by our fathers though!
One day, I saw a group of women speaking to a baby boy. They were all making a fuss over him and the little boy was just eating it up; grinning and cooing all over himself. One of the girls said, "Aww, he's so cute! He's going to be such a heart breaker when he gets older..." Another girl chimed in, "Yeah he's going to have all the girls. Girl, you better watch out, he's gonna make you a grandmother early."
As a little boy that's cute to say. Who actually expects a little boy to grow up and have multiple women??? (Sarcasm) But I want you to really consider how speaking things like this into a childs life can impact his future.

I really just wanted to mention that a as a precusor to what I think the biggest issue is. Here it goes...: We as men, from the very beginning of time, are taught to chase and capture or search and conquer. It's that simple. Right, wrong, or indifferent, that's the way it is.

Now, some guys do this intentionally, some do it without thought, but most men do this nonetheless. We as men see a woman that we are attracted to; we pursue her as hard as we can, sometimes going above and beyond our normal range of efforts to woo a woman; then once we have physically "captured" you, it is on to the next chase.
This is the reason why men can have sex without any emotional connection. It's not necessarily about the sex, it's more so about the capture.
Now, I'll be the first to say that this sounds terrible and disgusting superficially. Taking a deeper look at this though may help to destroy or at least recognize this cycle.

I have a whole lot more to say on this issue, but I have to stop it now so that I don't start to ramble. Please let me know how you feel about this issue? Thank you!

Marriage is for Grown Folks

When I contemplate the idea of marriage, I do so with a few great examples of what it takes to make a relationship last. My grandparents were married for 54 years; my parents were married for 32 years; and with the exception my uncle and aunt, (RIP Uncle Gary) I haven't seen any marriage in my family end in divorce. As you would assume, this can put a lot of pressure on me as the next generation to find the right fit of a mate. With marriage being taken so lightly now-a-days, I'm terrified that I may make the wrong choice and be the one that messes up the tradition of resolve and stick-to-it-tiveness. Now, I'm sure (for those of you who know) can look at my previous relationship and all of the back and forth (which was solely on my part), and say that I've already created a behavior of running. I can understand why that may be a concern, but if you consider that I tried on many occasions to right the wrong in myself (not sure how sucessful I was) in order to make the situation healthy, I think you'd see that that isn't an issue. But I digress because this post isn't about that.

So, I was watching the season finale of 'Housewives of Atlanta' (How the hell are they housewives if only Cynthia is married???) and one of the suspicions that I've had for a long time was confirmed. Now, I saw this throughout the season, but it was more apparent on this episode than any other. I know some of you would like me to just hurry up and say what that is, but I like being a jerk like this so I'll just sing the jeopardy theme music and then I'll say it *Jeopardy theme*...A good quantity of women get married with the wedding in mind, more so than the actual marriage. I do realize that as little girls and young women, some women had dreams of the big lavish wedding with all of the trimmings. There aren't many women out there that haven't had these dreams, but when you grow up into women you have to understand what's within reason and what just isn't feasible.

I've said on numerous occasions that me and the person that I decide to tie the knot with, will be doing so at the justice of the peace. I really only say this to piss women (especially my mother) off. I'm honestly open to having something intimate, but only if it doesn't land me in the poor house. Again, I digress because this post isn't about that.

Basically, I want to know what women think about this issue. Do you feel that Cynthia's actions toward marriage fit your thoughts? Do you think that it's more about the marriage than the wedding? Let me know what you think, please?

MC: Day 4

I must say that today was significantly tougher than the first 3 days. I may have just been the overall day in general, but everything just went wrong yesterday.
I started the day by waking up early than usual to take the flush. This actually worked against me, because it caused me to spend a good portion of the time I used to get ready, on the toilet (sorry if that was TMI). I ended up leaving the house 25 mins. later than normal. Then to add insult to injury, I had to turn around and go back to my house because I left my teams game jersey's in the basement.
This caused me to get to work about 15 mins. late. Once I get to work, I running around non-stop. I had classes in the morning. I did have one planning period, but part of that was spent disciplining a class for their poor behavior. After all that, I chose to aid one of my office mates in doing recess duty, because the people who had duty decided not to show. I digress.
With all of this running around, I had neglected to do the single most important thing in my life right now...drink the lemonade!!! I decided to participate in the planned activity with my first afternoon class, which involved a whole lot of running. Once the activity was over, I realized that I was totally stripped of energy because I hadn't drank the lemonade (How could I forget that?). I wanted to run and get it in between classes, but the amount of time alloted wouldn't allow that. So, basically I was a zombie to my last class. I was trying to articulate the objective, and it just wouldn't come out clearly. I felt so bad because I really did them a disservice yesterday. Not to mention that I locked my knees while I was standing up talking, and I almost went down.
My commute home was pretty bad. I was so sleepy on the road (undoubtedly because my blood sugar was low) that I contemplated getting off the beltway and going to a friends house to lay down. I toughed out the trip though.
When I finally made it home, I realized how much of a jerk my mother is (don't tell I said that lol). I walked into the smell of spaghetti as I entered the house. My mother knows how much I love spaghetti, and I don't believe that she would allow the devil to use her like that. So, I went straight to my room and decided to try and get some sleep. I'm rarely able to reach this feat and yesterday was no exception.
My sister was probably the biggest jerk of them all yesterday. Not only did she try to send me to the store (back past the lovely smell of complex carbs), but she also told me that she ordered a pizza from Pizza Hut that didn't have any pork on it (I don't eat pork). What an asshole!
This had me really craving food. I wanted to give in so bad yesterday. I honestly contemplated eating a slice of pizza. At this point, all I could do was laugh. Laugh at the opposition that something like this entails. I can't give in though. I honestly would rather die than to give you (you in the most general sense) the satisfaction of saying I failed. This is the biggest thing that motivates me. I know this may be a bit prideful, but I just wouldn't be able to live with myself if I were to give in. So, I guess I would be better off dead.
You all know that I live my life through hip-hop lyrics, and this one came to mind yesterday: "I'm feeling like the world's against me Lord! Call me crazy, but strangely I love the odds..." I'm Just Sayin'...

MC: Day 3

Sooooo...it's Day 3. Today I've chosen to adopt another cliche philosophy, "one day at a time." If I think about the fact that I have 7 1/2 more days left, it seems insurmountable. So, I just try and focus on making it through the day and not even worrying about tomorrow.
Yesterday, I had to go and stock up on distilled water for the duration of the cleanse. Since I was so tired when I got home, I decided to go in the house and leave the water in the trunk. When I woke up this morning, I put on minimal clothes and ran to the car to get the water. With the dropping overnight temperatures, my water was all but frozen solid. To my surprise, this actually helped with the taste of the flush. Oh, it was bad...but it wasn't as bad. I would've been able to take it down in one gulp, but the water was so cold that I got a "brain freeze."
The school day was a little challenging today. I had my first class first thing in the morning, but I didn't have another until 1:25. That's right, idle time. Now, I was completing a couple of tasks that I needed to turn in during that idle time, but typing on a computer and actually being active and showing kids how to perform activities are two different things. So, during this idle time all i could think about was what I wanted to eat once I was off this diet. Maybe not the best mindset to have, but what do you expect from a man that hasn't had a carb in 4 days???
After school was probably the best time of the day. My boys had basketball practice and I was so focused on getting them prepared for the game tomorrow, that I had few opportunities to think about food. I can see that my intensity to was a little heightened also. I was really yelling, but I was really passionate about everything that I was trying to instill in them.
Once basketball practice was over I was hurt. I expended so much energy during practice that I was drained. This was probably the worse part of the day for me. It continued all the way until I made it home. As soon as I waslked in the house I smelled food cooking. I don't even know what was cooking. I just strolled to my room and closed the door. The hunger lasted until I was blessed enough to drift off into "la la land."
I pray Day 4 goes a little smoother, but we shall see...I'm Just Sayin'

MC: Day 2

The cliche, "mind over matter" comes to mind when I think about how I faired in Day 2. Like I said before, I'm doing this cleanse for mental toughness above anything else.
The urge to eat something has been a lot stronger today, than it was yesterday.
Yesterday, I talked about the "flush" that I had to endure first thing in the morning...yeah, today was worse! It's so hard to keep the salt water down, that I have to hold my head up to stop from spewing it all over the floor. It's that bad!
After the first day, I realized that I was doing something wrong with the mixture. I decided to use less cayenne pepper and a little less pure maple syrup. This helped a little with the taste, but the cayenne pepper was still too much. It's so strong, that it starts to make my throat itch by just holding it up to my mouth.
As far as my behavior throughout the day, I found myself zoning out. I specifically remember talking to 3rd grade class at the end of the day about teamwork, and just totally losing my train of thought. This scared me a little bit, because I can only attribute it to the lack of food. Whenever I get weak like that though, I just pray (Thanks Yzette...I'm sorry! Thanks Dr. Lanier). I know some of you are saying, "You pray???" Yes...I pray! lol
When I got home last night, I had no other alternative but to get right in the bed. I tried to watch a little bit of the game, but the commercials of foods just really make it hard for me. I think I may need to fast from the television and internet also.
All in all, Day 2 was pretty good. I had my moments of wanting to give in, which everyone will have when taking on a task of this magnitude, but I keep telling myself that I can't if I can do this, I can do ANYTHING! I'm all over it! I'm Just Saying...

MC: Day 1

Although technically I have yet to complete my first full day, I figured I would still detail what the Master Cleanse had in store for me today.

This morning I woke up very nervous about what was about to happen to me. I have never tried anything of this magnitude, but I'm not one to back down from a challenge.
I got up around 5:30, and I walked around gathering everything that I would need for the day. I started with the sea salt water flush, that you have to take every morning before you do anything. So I mixed 1 tablespoon of sea salt in with one liter of distilled water and tried to throw it back as fast as I could. Now, I say this as vehemently as I can, this was the worse tasting drink I've ever experienced. I was so naseous after I drank it that I kind of thought that I may not be able to do this portion of the cleanse. I have to be by the book though.
The problem with this "flush" is that I didn't realize it worked so...well. I got in the car to go to work and I was "clinched" until I made it to my job's secret bathroom that I've located (lol). I won't get into the details of that visit, but let's just say that all that went in, came right back out.
As far as how I felt the whole day, I definitely wanted something to eat by lunch time. I was light headed for most of the day, but it would subside once I was engrossed in classes.
Dealing with the kids was a huge issue. I was so short with misbehavior that it actually worked well. I really didn't do much hollering, because I believe a headache may have ensued, but I addressed every issue sternly.
The biggest hurdle was when I went over to my boy Twan's parents house. On my way I felt the urge to stop and eat something. Each time I felt that urge I would take a sip of my concoction. Once I arrived at the house I was offerd a number of things that were hard to say no to. First it was turtle. This wasn't that bad, but I love turtles. I was just able to resist that urge. Then I was staring deep into the eyes of a pan of corn pudding, but the smell of the chitterlings (shitlin's) that Twan was cooking turned my stomach. Finally, Twan's dad decided to order some steak and cheeses for he and his grand sons...that's when i had to make my exit.
Once I got home it was more of the same. Everything smelled so good. I just went to my room and closed the door, but obviously my family can never leave me be.
I dozed off a couple of times to ease my pain, but I'm so popular that I kept waking because of angry phone calls and nasty (nasty as in mean...get your minds out of the gutter lol) text messages *exaggerating*.
All in all i think the first day went well. I'm determined to finish what I started, so i think that helps alot with the cravings, but this is extremely trying. Oh well, I am an extremist! I'm Just Sayin'...

The Master Cleanse

I looked in the mirror the other day and realized that the body that I worked so hard to attain this past spring has dissipated. Thankfully, I know what happened and how to fix it. Due to the recklessness of my diet, that started during the weekend of Howard Homecoming, my body has made a "U-turn" from where it was this summer.

My solution: The Master Cleanse followed by 2-a-days of Insanity and P90X.
You all saw what happened when I went hard at Insanity...I plan to shatter that with P90X. I intially received this challenge from my friend Vameka Nelson, who told me that it would be rough to complete. I, not being able to back down from a challenge, decided to test out my will.

I will chronicle my progress through the cleanse so that you all can see if it works for me and decide if it is something you want to take the challenge to do. Each day I will give you a play by play of what happened, if I was able to stick with it, and how it has affected my body. If you've done this cleanse before, please share with me the affect that it had on you. Thank you!