In my last couple of posts, I have given a shot out to the person/s who have been the muse of my thoughts. So, I would like to start off by thanking Elaine and Crystal Moorefield for providing the material to get me out of my writers' block. I appreciate you both.
This post right here, (this shit right here, cuz! lol I'm so random)will probably be one of the most reflective pieces about myself and other black men that you will ever see me write. So, I'm just going to say right now, judge me if you will, but the reality of my words may make understanding the thought process of SOME black men a little easier.
A couple of days ago, I received an e-mail message from Elaine and a facebook wall post from Crystal, linking me to some crazy little animation making a spectacle out of the dating woes in the black community. I had seen one before and just really overlooked it, because in my opinion, it was just stupid. Now, I'll be the first to say that there are plenty of MEN out there that fit the description of the character in this animation, but as a black man I just can't get with these generalizations. Call me sensitive, but whatever! I am a black man, and when you say,"this that and the third" about black men, I take offense. That's not me taking up for the men who do fit into this box, it's just me saying don't generalize me. Regardless of the categories that society places us in, we all want to have some level of individuality.
With that being said, I did hear a statement in the animation that forced me to self-evaluate. I've noticed that whenever there is a conversation about the relationship between black men and black women, it turns into a finger pointing session where nothing really gets resolved. Part of the reason for this is because we don't understand one another. Another reason is because neither side wants to take resposibility for his/her actions. So, this is my attempt to go against the grain.
Growing up, I didn't really have many girls checking for me. I mean, don't get me wrong, there were a few girls here and there that were in to me, but for the most part, not really. As a matter of fact, I can remember how some girls would try to play me. For example, when I was in the 5th grade (I probably shouldn't have been thinking about girls then, but hell I was fresh and grown at a young age lol), I was totally smitten by a girl named Tanika Ware. Tanika was beautiful (well at least in my eyes). One day I garnered up enough confidence to approach her and was shocked when she said that she wanted to be my girlfriend. At that point in life I was sort of an outcast, so for her to receive me so well was a bit of an ego boost. I walked around school feeling really good about myself for a couple days. Then comes the let down. I found out a few days later that Tanika thought it would be funny to have me thinking that she was my girlfriend while everyone laughed at me. I was more hurt than embarassed. There are a few more situations that were similar to this that happened over the next couple years of my life.
I know you guys are probably scratching your head saying,"What the hell does that story have to do with anything?" My reply is simple...Everyone has a story. Reflecting on that story made me realize something; That situation has affected my whole life. Every time I get close to a woman, I'm always waiting for her to say,"sike!" Now, some of you may say, "that shouldn't affect you now", but it's unrealistic to think that things that happen to us in the past don't affect our present and future. This has actually caused me to put little or no trust in any woman for fear that I will be left with egg on my face. It's one of those things where you know that it probably isn't right to be this way, but what can I do to change it?
Situations like these that go unresolved are a real problem in our community. Since a lot of people in the black community don't see a need for therapy, these issues tend to reverberate into our present and future interactions. You couple that with the fact that we put our best foot forward in the beginning of dating relationships, and you have a recipe for dating disaster.
I realize that this post has taking a different turn than I initially expected, so I would like to have your feedback before I continue. I'm sure that some of you will disagree with what I've said already, but "I'm Just Sayin'..."
5 comments:
Yes, everyone has a story and unfortunately, some of us are not able or willing to reflect on how it influences our decision making and interactions. You are definitely off to a great start down the road to your revelation...we appreciate your candor.
I enjoyed reading this! It's good to hear a man be so honest. I think you are one of the blessed ones in that you have found someone who loves you for who you are (as she should... you're awesome!)
Yes, everyone's story influences their perceptions, decisions, etc. What I love most about people's story or experiences though, is hearing about how people created their own story, and decided not to play a passive role in it. Help write your own story! You've got the goods for a great one, Jarrett.
While it's true that everyone does indeed have a story, what is most telling about a person is not the story they have to tell but how they have been shaped by it. By this I mean that there are those who have chosen to take thier story and use it as a stepping stone towards their growth as men and women but there are those who choose to lean on it, bringing it up as an excuse for thier poor judgement/behavior. We need to recognize that we are not, or should not be, spectators in our own lives and as such have had a part to play in the events of our lives. If more of us would face our stories head on and grow from them our relationships would benefit greatly.
I completely concur! I think the problem is, not everyone can locate their problems. I can pick out certain situations that directly affect who I am today, but not every can be reflective. Not to say I'm something special, because that's definitely not the case, but I am interested in understanding the relationship between my past and my present, in hopes that I can better myself for the future.
We sometimes allow our pasts to dictate our futures while completely unaware of how it affects our environment. I dont think that its just a "black" issue....its a people issue. Other races may seek therapy for their issues, however, in our community there is this stigma that you must be "crazy" or "deranged" in order to see a therapist. Sometimes in life you need a "wake up call", whether its losing a loved one or gaining someone within your life who will be there to help you realize that there is an issue. Godspeed to you, my fellow black man, in awakening to a new You!
Post a Comment