December 3rd is what I heard was the day of you birth
I never saw THAT day, though I've seen that day over 25 times
And yes I tried to make that rhyme but please let that sit on your mind
Was never told what happened, just knew I came in your succession
I did see the pics tho, with tubes in your nose
I stare at those pictures endlessly, just to see if you look like me
I'm pretty sure that you're the perfect intertwine of Fatz and I
Definitely more refined might I add but that's kinda sad
Just knowing that you departed before I got started
How you would've acted I'd like to know
Maybe a cross between my shy and reserve and Fatz' loud and ghetto
Think you can get the picture but I LOL at the mixture
Wonder if looking in the stands, I would've had another biggest fan
Probably wouldn't be as crazy as the ones to your left and right but that's alright
'Cause I'm sure you would've been crazy in your own right
Wonder how we would've all fit on that fold out couch
And with whom you would've stayed when we were almost spread out
Just writing this now makes me wish you were here
But last night in my dream you appeared to me clear
So although you will never be here physically
Through my thoughts, heart, and words you'll always be with me
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Friday, October 16, 2009
The Maturation of J Reed: Vol. 17
The prom came up in the blink of an eye. I would have to gauge my excitement at an 8, on a scale from 1 to 10. But if you check out my father at the time, he was at a 1000. I've never seen him so excited. I think one of the big reason is because my father loves to dress. He gets his suits custom made and he likes how he can come up with his own way of expressing his weird self thru fashion. Another reason was because I didn't really like to dress up when I was younger. So my father saw this as an opportunity to bless me with his sense of fashion.
When I say that my father spared no expense for my prom, that may be an understatement. I had never been shopping in Georgetown before then, and I haven't been since! He picked out the nicest things he saw and asked me to try them on. Then when I saw the price, I would immediately put the article of clothing down. He would just say something like, "Go 'head man and see how it feels!" So I did and to be quite honest, the saying, "If you look good, you feel good" was totally accurate. I would look in those mirrors (aye, don't the shops in Georgetown have the clearest mirrors?) and think to myself, "dag, am I really this handsome?" (lol that's not arrogance because I really didn't think much of myself back then)
I remember one shirt in particular that made me look like a celebrity. It was 100% silk and I'm sure that you can guess that it was a pretty penny. I tried that shirt on and took it off knowing that my father wouldn't spend the money that it cost to get it. Not only did my father buy it, but he got the man to knock off $40 from the asking price. I was amazed. Not that my father spent the money, but that he did so with a smile on his face. If any of you know my father, you'd know that he cries about money all the time. So for him to spend that money and not trip was a shock.
When I say that my father spared no expense for my prom, that may be an understatement. I had never been shopping in Georgetown before then, and I haven't been since! He picked out the nicest things he saw and asked me to try them on. Then when I saw the price, I would immediately put the article of clothing down. He would just say something like, "Go 'head man and see how it feels!" So I did and to be quite honest, the saying, "If you look good, you feel good" was totally accurate. I would look in those mirrors (aye, don't the shops in Georgetown have the clearest mirrors?) and think to myself, "dag, am I really this handsome?" (lol that's not arrogance because I really didn't think much of myself back then)
I remember one shirt in particular that made me look like a celebrity. It was 100% silk and I'm sure that you can guess that it was a pretty penny. I tried that shirt on and took it off knowing that my father wouldn't spend the money that it cost to get it. Not only did my father buy it, but he got the man to knock off $40 from the asking price. I was amazed. Not that my father spent the money, but that he did so with a smile on his face. If any of you know my father, you'd know that he cries about money all the time. So for him to spend that money and not trip was a shock.
On the day of the prom I ran around D.C. like a chicken with his head cut off. I skipped school because I knew I had a lot of stuff to accomplish. I started off my day at TJ's house getting my hair done. His mom was great at working with my short hair, so I knew I would go to her. I really appreciated her. After my hair was finished, I tried to pay her for all the times she did my hair for free and she wouldn't accept it. Now matter how much I pleaded with her, she wouldn't allow it.
I left TJ's house and went to P.G. Plaza Mall. I really can't remember what I went up there for, but I'm sure it had something to do with the prom. Actually, before all that running around, I have to add that the first thing I did was pick up my rental car from the airport. This allowed me to do all the running around that I "needed" to do.
I had a couple other friends that needed to pick up stuff too, so after I got my hair done I picked up Lenny and Kenny to ride around with me. I felt so grown riding around by myself running errands. You couldn't tell me anything that day. I had a car that didn't have to leave at the end of the night. I had, what I thought, would be the fliest outfit at the prom. Plus, I had a fist full of money in my pockets (Thank you Aunt Dollbaby).
After I did all that running around it was time to get ready to go. I took my time. I'm a person that usually starts getting ready 5 mins. before I'm supposed to be there, but that day I started to get ready about 2 hrs. before I was set to leave. I didn't want to sweat (I'm a heavy sweater lol) before I actually go there, so I took my time doing everything.
When I was done dressing, it was time to take pictures by myself. Since I was driving, I had to pick up my date, and my family wanted to get pictures of me before I went and got her. So I modeled a little bit before I went off to pick up KK.
The Maturation of J Reed: Vol. 16
Going into the last months of high school was difficult knowing I hadn't signed with a major college. In early May, it was down to two schools for me. Blair Academy and Fort Scott Community College.
I sent my film to Blair and they were excited to get a player such as myself interested in their program. As soon as he saw the film he gave a critique and requested that I visit the campus immediately. I was happy to be shown such interest seeing as how much recruitment turned from a dream to a nightmare. I also knew that this could set me up to gain interest from other schools after I completed my time there.
In the end, I picked Fort Scott. With all the opportunities that I had come my way, I thought that this would be the best one. It's a shame that I was totally wrong...
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Ventilation!
I know by now that you guys are sick of me interrupting my "Maturation" series to talk about whatever, but I feel the need to vent. If you are around the Washington, D.C. area, and have been keeping up with the news, then you would've heard about the conspiracy that the Mayor (of DC) and Chancellor (of DCPS) are in the process of cooking up. Okay, before I start throwing out allegations, let me attempt to make my case as the resident conspiracy theorist.
If you've talked to me in the past few weeks, then you would known that I am in danger of losing my job. Now, I haven't been stressed as I would have been previously in my adult life, but I have been concerned mostly for my colleagues.
A few weeks ago my principal called a meeting for every faculty and staff member in the building. Being that I perform other duties around the school, I had to be debriefed after the meeting was over. Basically, the meeting was to inform everyone that because of a miscalculation in the budget for education, teachers have to be terminated all over the city. And that there will be cuts made at every school based on enrollment and need. At my school, we are slated to lose just one teacher (allegedly) but there will be 900 teachers out of a job district wide by October 1.
Every since this meeting I have been actively searching for information on the facts about this situation and have come up with some pretty strange findings.
Okay, so the Mayor and Chancellor came out in early September saying that there was a 40 million dollar deficit in the education budget. So their proposition is to cut more than 900 teaching positions across the district to make up the difference. This cut has to be made before the end of their fiscal year, which is October 1.
Now, let's make sure you guys are with me. The Chancellor, who is trying to keep the focus on students, found out there was a glitch in the budget and decided to fire teachers.
So, let's dive deep into my theory. The first fact I want to give you all is: The Chancellor has been trying to get a deal done with the teachers union every since the contract ended 2 years ago.
This is a very important fact to remember. If there is not contract, there is basically no representation.
Fact 2: The reason a deal hasn't gotten done, is because the Chancellor wants to have the power to fire any teacher that she deems ineffective.
This wouldn't be a problem if the measure for evaluating the teachers wasn't so subjective. It's like, at any moment, you can be looked upon as being ineffective, by any evaluator, due to means beyond your control.
Fact 3: The main teachers that voted against the deal, were older teachers that have over 15 years in the system.
The teachers with the seniority have been placed on a level field with teachers who just reached the system.
Fact 4: The Chancellor and Mayor were notified of the budget figures back in May.
I'll save my comment for the next fact...
Fact 5: The Chancellor gave the DC principals permission to hire 900 NEW teachers over the summer.
I assume that we are asking the same question right now, "If they knew it was going to be a problem with the budget, why would they hire new teachers?" Let me give my theory.
I believe that the Chancellor faces major opposition in implementing her plan from the older teachers in the system. These teachers are the ones who make the most money because they have so many years in. Right now there is no contract between the teachers union and the school system. This means there is basically no protection for teachers. So since negotiations for a new contract are back in effect, there is conveniently a 40 million dollar deficit that gives the Chancellor the ability to fire whatever teachers she wants.
Now, doesn't this smell a little fishy? I believe that she feels younger teachers are more apt to side with her plan. So if she gets rid of the older teachers, than she has enough steam to control the teacher's union. Which definitely doesn't have the teacher's interest at heart. But as she would say, "It's about the kids." Now, I do agree with that, but if you create an environment where the teacher's aren't secure in their position, than you take away the little bit of "glamor" that the teaching profession has. Which, in my belief, will create an even deeper teacher shortage.
My theory will not be able to be proven until October 1. If I'm correct, then you will hear that a large majority of the teachers that were fired had over 15 years in the system. And if my theory is true this is definite;y an administration that I don't wish to serve under. This is the worst way to make a statement in my opinion. You leave hundreds of teachers with no job in the beginning of the school year, in the middle of a recession and we're supposed to have faith in you as the leader? My theory may be a bit radical, along with my stance, but "It's Just My Thoughts, Just What I Was Feeling At The Time"
If you've talked to me in the past few weeks, then you would known that I am in danger of losing my job. Now, I haven't been stressed as I would have been previously in my adult life, but I have been concerned mostly for my colleagues.
A few weeks ago my principal called a meeting for every faculty and staff member in the building. Being that I perform other duties around the school, I had to be debriefed after the meeting was over. Basically, the meeting was to inform everyone that because of a miscalculation in the budget for education, teachers have to be terminated all over the city. And that there will be cuts made at every school based on enrollment and need. At my school, we are slated to lose just one teacher (allegedly) but there will be 900 teachers out of a job district wide by October 1.
Every since this meeting I have been actively searching for information on the facts about this situation and have come up with some pretty strange findings.
Okay, so the Mayor and Chancellor came out in early September saying that there was a 40 million dollar deficit in the education budget. So their proposition is to cut more than 900 teaching positions across the district to make up the difference. This cut has to be made before the end of their fiscal year, which is October 1.
Now, let's make sure you guys are with me. The Chancellor, who is trying to keep the focus on students, found out there was a glitch in the budget and decided to fire teachers.
So, let's dive deep into my theory. The first fact I want to give you all is: The Chancellor has been trying to get a deal done with the teachers union every since the contract ended 2 years ago.
This is a very important fact to remember. If there is not contract, there is basically no representation.
Fact 2: The reason a deal hasn't gotten done, is because the Chancellor wants to have the power to fire any teacher that she deems ineffective.
This wouldn't be a problem if the measure for evaluating the teachers wasn't so subjective. It's like, at any moment, you can be looked upon as being ineffective, by any evaluator, due to means beyond your control.
Fact 3: The main teachers that voted against the deal, were older teachers that have over 15 years in the system.
The teachers with the seniority have been placed on a level field with teachers who just reached the system.
Fact 4: The Chancellor and Mayor were notified of the budget figures back in May.
I'll save my comment for the next fact...
Fact 5: The Chancellor gave the DC principals permission to hire 900 NEW teachers over the summer.
I assume that we are asking the same question right now, "If they knew it was going to be a problem with the budget, why would they hire new teachers?" Let me give my theory.
I believe that the Chancellor faces major opposition in implementing her plan from the older teachers in the system. These teachers are the ones who make the most money because they have so many years in. Right now there is no contract between the teachers union and the school system. This means there is basically no protection for teachers. So since negotiations for a new contract are back in effect, there is conveniently a 40 million dollar deficit that gives the Chancellor the ability to fire whatever teachers she wants.
Now, doesn't this smell a little fishy? I believe that she feels younger teachers are more apt to side with her plan. So if she gets rid of the older teachers, than she has enough steam to control the teacher's union. Which definitely doesn't have the teacher's interest at heart. But as she would say, "It's about the kids." Now, I do agree with that, but if you create an environment where the teacher's aren't secure in their position, than you take away the little bit of "glamor" that the teaching profession has. Which, in my belief, will create an even deeper teacher shortage.
My theory will not be able to be proven until October 1. If I'm correct, then you will hear that a large majority of the teachers that were fired had over 15 years in the system. And if my theory is true this is definite;y an administration that I don't wish to serve under. This is the worst way to make a statement in my opinion. You leave hundreds of teachers with no job in the beginning of the school year, in the middle of a recession and we're supposed to have faith in you as the leader? My theory may be a bit radical, along with my stance, but "It's Just My Thoughts, Just What I Was Feeling At The Time"
The Maturation of J Reed: Vol. 15
After that trip to Morgan State I realized two things: 1) I was running out of time for big schools to give me a scholarship and 2) If I didn't get a scholarship by a big school, I was going to have to do something unorthodox for a person in my position.
I went to into my senior year with so much promise, but now it was all turning into a nightmare.
If you can remember back in the story, I talked about how KK had expressed interest in going with me to my prom. Well, somehow during the year we ended up losing touch. With all that I had going on, I hadn't really communicated with her like I should have. So needless to say she was slated to go to the prom with somebody else. This wasn't all bad, because even though I wanted her to go with me, I ended up finding somebody who wanted to go with me.
Denise and I were in Mrs. Pixley's room one day when she made a joke saying that she wanted us to go to the prom together. I took it as a joke intially, but through further conversation I found out that she was serious. So we exchanged numbers and decided to have a talk about how we were going to do this.
Denise and I had all our plans together by the beginning of April. With the prom less than two months away, I was happy with the decision I made to take her to the prom. This was short lived. The first thing I found out, through a casual conversation, was that Denise had a boyfriend. This wasn't that much of a big deal, because even though our interaction was flirty, I didn't see myself dating anyone at the time. But I did want to know how her boyfriend felt about her going to the prom with another man. So I decided to ask her about halfway through April and received the shock of my life. She told me that her boyfriend was a little leary of her going to the prom with some other dude and that she would not be able to accompany me. I laugh about this now as I write, but I was pissed off when she told me. I'm not really one to hold grudges, (or at least not consciously) but I didn't speak to her again until prom night. Honestly though, the way my life was going at the time, I just figured that this was the life of Jarrett Burgess. What was one more disappointment added to the resume of heartbreak that I had already experienced?
I decided that I was going to go to the prom by myself after that experience. I knew that I had messed up the chance to go with who I really wanted to go with, so I figured I'd just show up by myself rather than face another disappointment.
One day I was over TJ's house getting my hair done when KK walks in. I was explaining to TJ's mom the situation of why I was going to the prom by myself when KK chimes in in frustration. I believe she said something like, "She waited til the last minute to tell you she wasn't going?!?" After I went back over the story with KK, she tells me that we were supposed to go together. I knew that, but since we hadn't really talked about it since the previous summer, I figured she either had forgotten or didn't want to go with me anymore. This is where our lack of communication comes into play because she thought the exact same thing. This would've been great news, but as I said early, she was already going with someone else.
The next thing that KK did was what I consider now, a small piece of redemption to an otherwise disasterous senior year. KK called her prom date and informed him that while she did accept his invitation to the prom, she had made a prior commitment to go with me almost a year ago. I was speechless. I couldn't believe that she would do a thing like that. Now, I wouldn't usually celebrate someones misfortune, but I had went through so much that year that I didn't care. I needed something to be happy about and this was it. So KK and I began making our plans for the prom.
I went to into my senior year with so much promise, but now it was all turning into a nightmare.
If you can remember back in the story, I talked about how KK had expressed interest in going with me to my prom. Well, somehow during the year we ended up losing touch. With all that I had going on, I hadn't really communicated with her like I should have. So needless to say she was slated to go to the prom with somebody else. This wasn't all bad, because even though I wanted her to go with me, I ended up finding somebody who wanted to go with me.
Denise and I were in Mrs. Pixley's room one day when she made a joke saying that she wanted us to go to the prom together. I took it as a joke intially, but through further conversation I found out that she was serious. So we exchanged numbers and decided to have a talk about how we were going to do this.
Denise and I had all our plans together by the beginning of April. With the prom less than two months away, I was happy with the decision I made to take her to the prom. This was short lived. The first thing I found out, through a casual conversation, was that Denise had a boyfriend. This wasn't that much of a big deal, because even though our interaction was flirty, I didn't see myself dating anyone at the time. But I did want to know how her boyfriend felt about her going to the prom with another man. So I decided to ask her about halfway through April and received the shock of my life. She told me that her boyfriend was a little leary of her going to the prom with some other dude and that she would not be able to accompany me. I laugh about this now as I write, but I was pissed off when she told me. I'm not really one to hold grudges, (or at least not consciously) but I didn't speak to her again until prom night. Honestly though, the way my life was going at the time, I just figured that this was the life of Jarrett Burgess. What was one more disappointment added to the resume of heartbreak that I had already experienced?
I decided that I was going to go to the prom by myself after that experience. I knew that I had messed up the chance to go with who I really wanted to go with, so I figured I'd just show up by myself rather than face another disappointment.
One day I was over TJ's house getting my hair done when KK walks in. I was explaining to TJ's mom the situation of why I was going to the prom by myself when KK chimes in in frustration. I believe she said something like, "She waited til the last minute to tell you she wasn't going?!?" After I went back over the story with KK, she tells me that we were supposed to go together. I knew that, but since we hadn't really talked about it since the previous summer, I figured she either had forgotten or didn't want to go with me anymore. This is where our lack of communication comes into play because she thought the exact same thing. This would've been great news, but as I said early, she was already going with someone else.
The next thing that KK did was what I consider now, a small piece of redemption to an otherwise disasterous senior year. KK called her prom date and informed him that while she did accept his invitation to the prom, she had made a prior commitment to go with me almost a year ago. I was speechless. I couldn't believe that she would do a thing like that. Now, I wouldn't usually celebrate someones misfortune, but I had went through so much that year that I didn't care. I needed something to be happy about and this was it. So KK and I began making our plans for the prom.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
The Maturation of J Reed: Vol. 14
Once I got home my sadness turned into full depression. I had other scholarship offers, but Pitt is where I wanted to go. I spent all of Sunday evening in the bed. I didn't accept any calls and I didn't want any company. I thought I needed at least a day to get myself together so that I can go look people in the eye and pretend that I wasn't hurt by Pitt's decision. I was wrong. I stayed in my room for the next three days. People were at school anxiously awaiting my "good" news and I was at home wallowing in self pity. Not only was I hurting about not being able to go to Pitt, I felt like I had let everybody down. I was all set to have a press conference, because I would've been the first player since Jerry Porter to play at a big time college program, but I would have to face everyone and tell them that my honesty may have screwed up my chances of that.
I arrived at school on Wednesday to a bunch of people waiting to hear how my trip went. I knew that I couldn't break down in front of everyone, so I just told everyone it was cool and that I had to take my other visits before I made a decision. I don't think anybody could read me back then, but if they were able to, they would have been able to see that I was hiding something.
The fact that I had other scholarship offers didn't cheer me up any. I already knew that if Pitt could pull out of a deal with me, then so could the other schools. I was right. I started to get call after call telling me pretty much the same thing that the coaches at Pitt said. I would say that I couldn't believe that this was happening to me, but I did believe it. I figured that Pitt would alert the other schools of my injury in an attempt to make sense of their decision to pull my offer. They would look stupid if I went to a school that played them and shined. This is just my opinion and I have no factual evidence to prove this. But here I stood, one of the best players in my city, without a scholarship offer from a division 1 program. It all seemed like a sick joke.
I was so desperate to play at a the division 1 level, that in the spring, I took an unofficial visit to Morgan State University. I knew by this time that no 1-A school would take a chance on me, so I kept my search to all black colleges.
Morgan seemed like the logical choice at the time because I had two former high school teammates that were already on the squad. Plus they had offered me a scholarship my 11th grade year but it some how wasn't honored due to a change in the coaching staff. So I went there as a last ditch effort to save my dream of playing professionally (back then I thought only division 1 players played in the pros).
They showed me no love that weekend. I wasn't allowed to talk to the coaches directly and I wasn't treated like the caliber of athlete that I thought I was. I felt disrespected. I was thinking to myself at the time, "How the hell can sorry *ss Morgan treat me like this?!? They have been the worst team in their conference for years! They need me!" Obviously my thoughts didn't matter. They told me, via one of my former teammates, that I was too slow to play in their defense, so if I wanted to play for them, I would have to pay my own tuition and walk on. I went home pissed off that I even wasted my time.
I arrived at school on Wednesday to a bunch of people waiting to hear how my trip went. I knew that I couldn't break down in front of everyone, so I just told everyone it was cool and that I had to take my other visits before I made a decision. I don't think anybody could read me back then, but if they were able to, they would have been able to see that I was hiding something.
The fact that I had other scholarship offers didn't cheer me up any. I already knew that if Pitt could pull out of a deal with me, then so could the other schools. I was right. I started to get call after call telling me pretty much the same thing that the coaches at Pitt said. I would say that I couldn't believe that this was happening to me, but I did believe it. I figured that Pitt would alert the other schools of my injury in an attempt to make sense of their decision to pull my offer. They would look stupid if I went to a school that played them and shined. This is just my opinion and I have no factual evidence to prove this. But here I stood, one of the best players in my city, without a scholarship offer from a division 1 program. It all seemed like a sick joke.
I was so desperate to play at a the division 1 level, that in the spring, I took an unofficial visit to Morgan State University. I knew by this time that no 1-A school would take a chance on me, so I kept my search to all black colleges.
Morgan seemed like the logical choice at the time because I had two former high school teammates that were already on the squad. Plus they had offered me a scholarship my 11th grade year but it some how wasn't honored due to a change in the coaching staff. So I went there as a last ditch effort to save my dream of playing professionally (back then I thought only division 1 players played in the pros).
They showed me no love that weekend. I wasn't allowed to talk to the coaches directly and I wasn't treated like the caliber of athlete that I thought I was. I felt disrespected. I was thinking to myself at the time, "How the hell can sorry *ss Morgan treat me like this?!? They have been the worst team in their conference for years! They need me!" Obviously my thoughts didn't matter. They told me, via one of my former teammates, that I was too slow to play in their defense, so if I wanted to play for them, I would have to pay my own tuition and walk on. I went home pissed off that I even wasted my time.
Monday, September 21, 2009
Bridezilla vs. Groom Kong
I want to apologize once more to those of you who have been reading my maturation series. I wanted to hold this topic until I finished the series but I don't see an end in sight, and since my cousin Candy advised me to stop writing it on my blog so I will have something for the book, I felt the need to slide this post right in the middle here. So thank you for your patience as I skim through "My Thoughts".
A few weeks ago I was having a conversation with one of my friends about marriage. Now, I'm nowhere near close to leaping over the broom, but I getting older and I must have these types of conversations to sort out my feelings about the matter. Actually, the conversation was pretty one sided, which is why I felt the need to write this post.
I know that there aren't many guys who read this blog (shot out to the ones that do) but this one is aimed at you. Ladies, I will attempt to capture the essence of the argument that SOME of you have and pass it to males, in a male perspective.
So, the conversation basically started when my friend Irnise and I were talking about what type of wedding she wanted. She pointed out every detail. From the colors that will be worn, down to who will make the cake, she had everything laid out. I was a little amused by it initially. I was thinking to myself,"How she done made all these plans with no husband?" As I continued to listen I wondered how I would feel if I walked into a situation where my future wife had everything planned without discussing it with me first.
The more and more I thought about it, the more and more irritated I got. I do understand that for a lot of women, the wedding day is like a big exhibition that you have been dreaming about since you were a little girl. I just can't understand, that as an adult, why should this dream trump the opinions of whatever man you are going to marry. I mean, after all, a marriage is more than the superficial parade that is put on display the day that two become one.
Before I get on men, I will say that some women use this as a day to show off and invite people who they really don't care for as a "rub in the face" if you will. I think this is very childish and selfish and doesn't really have the institution of marriage at heart.
As I started to weigh in on this a little more, I realize why women plan these big elaborate weddings with all the trimmings: Because we allow them to! Now ladies, before you get up in arms by my use of the word "allow" please let me explain. We as men, for the most part, have no thoughts of marriage while we're young. We talk about the "M" word as if it is some type of obscenity. Then when we do finally find "the one", we become as inactive as possible thinking that this is somehow "her" day. Now, whether this is do to laziness, fear (lol), or just plain old nonchalance remains to be seen, but I am here to start the revolution!
We as men need to be more proactive in the process. When you decide that you have found the woman that you would like to spend the rest of your life with, make time to sit down to discuss as a team, what type of wedding you want to have. Don't just go along with every demand because you don't want to take an interest in what was always thought of to be a day for the woman. This day is about the union of the two of you! So the TWO of you should be equally involved.
A few weeks ago I was having a conversation with one of my friends about marriage. Now, I'm nowhere near close to leaping over the broom, but I getting older and I must have these types of conversations to sort out my feelings about the matter. Actually, the conversation was pretty one sided, which is why I felt the need to write this post.
I know that there aren't many guys who read this blog (shot out to the ones that do) but this one is aimed at you. Ladies, I will attempt to capture the essence of the argument that SOME of you have and pass it to males, in a male perspective.
So, the conversation basically started when my friend Irnise and I were talking about what type of wedding she wanted. She pointed out every detail. From the colors that will be worn, down to who will make the cake, she had everything laid out. I was a little amused by it initially. I was thinking to myself,"How she done made all these plans with no husband?" As I continued to listen I wondered how I would feel if I walked into a situation where my future wife had everything planned without discussing it with me first.
The more and more I thought about it, the more and more irritated I got. I do understand that for a lot of women, the wedding day is like a big exhibition that you have been dreaming about since you were a little girl. I just can't understand, that as an adult, why should this dream trump the opinions of whatever man you are going to marry. I mean, after all, a marriage is more than the superficial parade that is put on display the day that two become one.
Before I get on men, I will say that some women use this as a day to show off and invite people who they really don't care for as a "rub in the face" if you will. I think this is very childish and selfish and doesn't really have the institution of marriage at heart.
As I started to weigh in on this a little more, I realize why women plan these big elaborate weddings with all the trimmings: Because we allow them to! Now ladies, before you get up in arms by my use of the word "allow" please let me explain. We as men, for the most part, have no thoughts of marriage while we're young. We talk about the "M" word as if it is some type of obscenity. Then when we do finally find "the one", we become as inactive as possible thinking that this is somehow "her" day. Now, whether this is do to laziness, fear (lol), or just plain old nonchalance remains to be seen, but I am here to start the revolution!
We as men need to be more proactive in the process. When you decide that you have found the woman that you would like to spend the rest of your life with, make time to sit down to discuss as a team, what type of wedding you want to have. Don't just go along with every demand because you don't want to take an interest in what was always thought of to be a day for the woman. This day is about the union of the two of you! So the TWO of you should be equally involved.
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