Okay, Okay, Okay! So, I admit that I came across as a bit of a know-it-all in my last post. Sue me! LOL I just have strong views about love, that are strictly biblically based. I will say, I don't KNOW what love really is, but like everyone else that doesn't KNOW, I have views and opinions that have shaped my belief of the definition of love.
The last post sparked conversations between me and a number of people about what love is. But there was one conversation in particular that has me writing on my winter vacation. Shot out to Ms. Thomas for provoking this post. I appreciate your insight!
In 'At First Sight' when I spoke about love and it not being a feeling, I offered infatuation as an alternative to that feeling. One word that came up with almost everyone I talked to was lust. I intentionally left out lust because I didn't want people to think I was disrespecting whatever they felt for their significant other. If you consider that though, it brings up an interesting concept. Love and lust are confused often enough for it to be a viable argument that what you could be experiencing with someone you just met, isn't love. I would never want to piss on anyone's parade, but there is someone out there that thinks they are in love, when in actuality they are in lust. Now, I've been known to lose my mind over a big butt and a smile, but I almost always realize that this is poison. Even when I engage in conversations with a woman that are really stimulating mentally, I still know that this doesn't bring about love.
In order for you to understand my argument, you would have to understand my definition of what love is. Like I said before, I don't KNOW what love is, but I know what the Bible says and that's the only book I feel comfortable taking information from on this issue. Now, I am by no means a bible beating, fire breathing preacher. Actually, my family would probably identify me as a heathen (My sister's a jerk). I do, however, take pride in the fact that I know (for the most part) my Bible. So, 1st Corinthians 13:4-7 states:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrong. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perserves.
The first word that is used to define love in this passage is patient. This is really the basis of my argument. Dictionary.com's defintion of patient says,"having or showing the capacity for endurance." Endurance doesn't happen quickly. It takes time. You have to go through some stuff to endure. That is why it is my belief that any intial "feeling" that you have, can not be considered love. Love is battle tested. Whatever you feel when you first meet someone is strictly a feeling. Whether it be infatuation or lust, it can't be put into the same category with love. So, the term "Love at first sight" is oxymoronic, in a sense. If love takes endurance, how can it be felt at the moment of sight?
To speak to my over analyzation of the statement, "Love at first sight" (Thanks Crystal! lol): I do understand that some people use the statement as a means of expressing, in retrospect, the view of their significant other upon the intial interaction, but what is the basis for that statement if they hadn't made it to the point that they're at today? Maybe I am taking the statement a bit too literal, but consider the people who consistently "fall in love" quickly. They think that love is found with every partner. Would you take their claims of love serious?
I feel like I'm being a little long winded, so I'll just end with this. I consulted my mother about this issue the other day (because she's more of a know-it-all than I am lol) and her words were, "If you base love on how you FEEL about a person, or what they can or can not do for you, you miss the point of what love really is..." I'm Just Sayin' (Well actually, she's just saying lol)
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Friday, December 17, 2010
At First Sight
If you are fortunate enough to have more than one friend, then I'm pretty sure that they are not all alike. We all need an array of friends to give us different perspectives of how life is or can be. Some of these friends have different views or opinions on certain issues that you just can't accept. This post is to speak to one of those issues...
Whenever I hear someone say, "It was love at first sight...", I get pissed off. I know that sounds a bit extreme, but what can I say I'm an extremist! It's not really the thought that you can see someone and instantly fall in love that pisses me off, it's more so the misidentification of the feeling. If you're reading "I'm Just Sayin'" for the first time, then you wouldn't know that I am a lover of words. I read the dictionary for fun. I do have my slip ups, but for the most part, every word that comes out of my mouth is deliberate and well calculated. So when I hear someone use a word loosely without understanding it's true meaning, it slightly irritates me(I'm about to get deep so please bear with me).
Okay, so basically my assessment of the phrase,"Love at first sight" is that it's nonesensical. This is probably due to the fact that my definition and the definition that most people use for the term "love" isn't synonymous. I even have a problem with the dictionary.com's definition of the word "love". I don't agree that love is a "strong feeling" (I'll explain in-depth later). To understand my point consider the analogy, love is to wisdom as genius is to infatuation (repeat that as many times as needed for it to sink in). Most people confuse these terms because of how closely related they are. When you think of someone that's a genius, you often consider them wise. Now, there maybe a few of you that will say, "No I don't! I know exactly what they mean!" To those people I say, good for you. But for the the majority of people who speak the "King's English", we confuse the meaning of words all the time. It's natural.
My thoughts are, like wisdom, love only comes with age and experience. Love isn't simply a feeling that happens when you meet someone. Love requires time and is based on choices that are made. If you look at love as a "strong feeling", then it is an admission that love isn't anything special. Feelings are fleeting, and if that's the case, what separates love from like. Love has to be more complex than the definition that we have placed upon it. I think infatuation is a more appropriate term for what people are experiencing now-a-days. This may be the reason why divorce rates are so high. We are experiencing this "love" that just magically casts a spell over us and leaves us ignorant to all else in the world. I digress.
When you compare the terms genius and infatuation, it seems to fit what I am talking about. A child could come out of the womb and be termed a genius. He or she doesn't have the maturity and experience to be wise, but he or she is a genius. I can be totally smitten when I first meet a woman, but we don't have to maturity together for that infatuation to materialize into love.
I really, really want some feedback on this issue. Can you please respond and let me know what you think? I would really appreciate it. If you don't wish to, then please make the smoothest plans to take your own life. "I'm Just Sayin'..."
Whenever I hear someone say, "It was love at first sight...", I get pissed off. I know that sounds a bit extreme, but what can I say I'm an extremist! It's not really the thought that you can see someone and instantly fall in love that pisses me off, it's more so the misidentification of the feeling. If you're reading "I'm Just Sayin'" for the first time, then you wouldn't know that I am a lover of words. I read the dictionary for fun. I do have my slip ups, but for the most part, every word that comes out of my mouth is deliberate and well calculated. So when I hear someone use a word loosely without understanding it's true meaning, it slightly irritates me(I'm about to get deep so please bear with me).
Okay, so basically my assessment of the phrase,"Love at first sight" is that it's nonesensical. This is probably due to the fact that my definition and the definition that most people use for the term "love" isn't synonymous. I even have a problem with the dictionary.com's definition of the word "love". I don't agree that love is a "strong feeling" (I'll explain in-depth later). To understand my point consider the analogy, love is to wisdom as genius is to infatuation (repeat that as many times as needed for it to sink in). Most people confuse these terms because of how closely related they are. When you think of someone that's a genius, you often consider them wise. Now, there maybe a few of you that will say, "No I don't! I know exactly what they mean!" To those people I say, good for you. But for the the majority of people who speak the "King's English", we confuse the meaning of words all the time. It's natural.
My thoughts are, like wisdom, love only comes with age and experience. Love isn't simply a feeling that happens when you meet someone. Love requires time and is based on choices that are made. If you look at love as a "strong feeling", then it is an admission that love isn't anything special. Feelings are fleeting, and if that's the case, what separates love from like. Love has to be more complex than the definition that we have placed upon it. I think infatuation is a more appropriate term for what people are experiencing now-a-days. This may be the reason why divorce rates are so high. We are experiencing this "love" that just magically casts a spell over us and leaves us ignorant to all else in the world. I digress.
When you compare the terms genius and infatuation, it seems to fit what I am talking about. A child could come out of the womb and be termed a genius. He or she doesn't have the maturity and experience to be wise, but he or she is a genius. I can be totally smitten when I first meet a woman, but we don't have to maturity together for that infatuation to materialize into love.
I really, really want some feedback on this issue. Can you please respond and let me know what you think? I would really appreciate it. If you don't wish to, then please make the smoothest plans to take your own life. "I'm Just Sayin'..."
Friday, October 22, 2010
Self Eval...
In my last couple of posts, I have given a shot out to the person/s who have been the muse of my thoughts. So, I would like to start off by thanking Elaine and Crystal Moorefield for providing the material to get me out of my writers' block. I appreciate you both.
This post right here, (this shit right here, cuz! lol I'm so random)will probably be one of the most reflective pieces about myself and other black men that you will ever see me write. So, I'm just going to say right now, judge me if you will, but the reality of my words may make understanding the thought process of SOME black men a little easier.
A couple of days ago, I received an e-mail message from Elaine and a facebook wall post from Crystal, linking me to some crazy little animation making a spectacle out of the dating woes in the black community. I had seen one before and just really overlooked it, because in my opinion, it was just stupid. Now, I'll be the first to say that there are plenty of MEN out there that fit the description of the character in this animation, but as a black man I just can't get with these generalizations. Call me sensitive, but whatever! I am a black man, and when you say,"this that and the third" about black men, I take offense. That's not me taking up for the men who do fit into this box, it's just me saying don't generalize me. Regardless of the categories that society places us in, we all want to have some level of individuality.
With that being said, I did hear a statement in the animation that forced me to self-evaluate. I've noticed that whenever there is a conversation about the relationship between black men and black women, it turns into a finger pointing session where nothing really gets resolved. Part of the reason for this is because we don't understand one another. Another reason is because neither side wants to take resposibility for his/her actions. So, this is my attempt to go against the grain.
Growing up, I didn't really have many girls checking for me. I mean, don't get me wrong, there were a few girls here and there that were in to me, but for the most part, not really. As a matter of fact, I can remember how some girls would try to play me. For example, when I was in the 5th grade (I probably shouldn't have been thinking about girls then, but hell I was fresh and grown at a young age lol), I was totally smitten by a girl named Tanika Ware. Tanika was beautiful (well at least in my eyes). One day I garnered up enough confidence to approach her and was shocked when she said that she wanted to be my girlfriend. At that point in life I was sort of an outcast, so for her to receive me so well was a bit of an ego boost. I walked around school feeling really good about myself for a couple days. Then comes the let down. I found out a few days later that Tanika thought it would be funny to have me thinking that she was my girlfriend while everyone laughed at me. I was more hurt than embarassed. There are a few more situations that were similar to this that happened over the next couple years of my life.
I know you guys are probably scratching your head saying,"What the hell does that story have to do with anything?" My reply is simple...Everyone has a story. Reflecting on that story made me realize something; That situation has affected my whole life. Every time I get close to a woman, I'm always waiting for her to say,"sike!" Now, some of you may say, "that shouldn't affect you now", but it's unrealistic to think that things that happen to us in the past don't affect our present and future. This has actually caused me to put little or no trust in any woman for fear that I will be left with egg on my face. It's one of those things where you know that it probably isn't right to be this way, but what can I do to change it?
Situations like these that go unresolved are a real problem in our community. Since a lot of people in the black community don't see a need for therapy, these issues tend to reverberate into our present and future interactions. You couple that with the fact that we put our best foot forward in the beginning of dating relationships, and you have a recipe for dating disaster.
I realize that this post has taking a different turn than I initially expected, so I would like to have your feedback before I continue. I'm sure that some of you will disagree with what I've said already, but "I'm Just Sayin'..."
This post right here, (this shit right here, cuz! lol I'm so random)will probably be one of the most reflective pieces about myself and other black men that you will ever see me write. So, I'm just going to say right now, judge me if you will, but the reality of my words may make understanding the thought process of SOME black men a little easier.
A couple of days ago, I received an e-mail message from Elaine and a facebook wall post from Crystal, linking me to some crazy little animation making a spectacle out of the dating woes in the black community. I had seen one before and just really overlooked it, because in my opinion, it was just stupid. Now, I'll be the first to say that there are plenty of MEN out there that fit the description of the character in this animation, but as a black man I just can't get with these generalizations. Call me sensitive, but whatever! I am a black man, and when you say,"this that and the third" about black men, I take offense. That's not me taking up for the men who do fit into this box, it's just me saying don't generalize me. Regardless of the categories that society places us in, we all want to have some level of individuality.
With that being said, I did hear a statement in the animation that forced me to self-evaluate. I've noticed that whenever there is a conversation about the relationship between black men and black women, it turns into a finger pointing session where nothing really gets resolved. Part of the reason for this is because we don't understand one another. Another reason is because neither side wants to take resposibility for his/her actions. So, this is my attempt to go against the grain.
Growing up, I didn't really have many girls checking for me. I mean, don't get me wrong, there were a few girls here and there that were in to me, but for the most part, not really. As a matter of fact, I can remember how some girls would try to play me. For example, when I was in the 5th grade (I probably shouldn't have been thinking about girls then, but hell I was fresh and grown at a young age lol), I was totally smitten by a girl named Tanika Ware. Tanika was beautiful (well at least in my eyes). One day I garnered up enough confidence to approach her and was shocked when she said that she wanted to be my girlfriend. At that point in life I was sort of an outcast, so for her to receive me so well was a bit of an ego boost. I walked around school feeling really good about myself for a couple days. Then comes the let down. I found out a few days later that Tanika thought it would be funny to have me thinking that she was my girlfriend while everyone laughed at me. I was more hurt than embarassed. There are a few more situations that were similar to this that happened over the next couple years of my life.
I know you guys are probably scratching your head saying,"What the hell does that story have to do with anything?" My reply is simple...Everyone has a story. Reflecting on that story made me realize something; That situation has affected my whole life. Every time I get close to a woman, I'm always waiting for her to say,"sike!" Now, some of you may say, "that shouldn't affect you now", but it's unrealistic to think that things that happen to us in the past don't affect our present and future. This has actually caused me to put little or no trust in any woman for fear that I will be left with egg on my face. It's one of those things where you know that it probably isn't right to be this way, but what can I do to change it?
Situations like these that go unresolved are a real problem in our community. Since a lot of people in the black community don't see a need for therapy, these issues tend to reverberate into our present and future interactions. You couple that with the fact that we put our best foot forward in the beginning of dating relationships, and you have a recipe for dating disaster.
I realize that this post has taking a different turn than I initially expected, so I would like to have your feedback before I continue. I'm sure that some of you will disagree with what I've said already, but "I'm Just Sayin'..."
Friday, October 15, 2010
Day 15...My Favorite Blogs
Thanks to Ms. Rhonda Richardson, I have skipped from Day 11 to Day 15. It's okay though because I really like this day of the challenge. Todays' objective is to name your favorite blogs. I only have a couple, so I'll talk a little about them all.
Cerebral Gumbo
The name of this blog is appropriately titled because it has a little bit of everything in it. Rhonda Richardson, the writer of this blog, is one of the people that inspired me to start my own blog. She is very witty and a bit of a lunch box, which is why I identify with her style of writing so much. Click on the link above to check her out.
A Word or Three
Two things that I love in a woman are beauty and sophistication. Crystal Marie Grant has them both, and they come shining through in every post that she publishes. Crystal and I are both alumni of the best university ever established. In every post, Crystal forces me to be more conscious of what I say, do, and write. She is truly a well rounded black woman. I need you all to check her out on the link above.
Evolution of a Queen
Brandy Facey is truly a queen. Her poems are some of the illest (is that a word? lol) lyrics I've ever read. Whenever I need inspiration to write something, I check out her blog. She has forced me to elevate my game in so many ways that I am forever in her debt. Some of her best work she has decided to leave off of her blog, which once you read, you will realize just how talented she is. Check her out at the link above.
I have so many other blogs that I am subscribed to, but since a lot of them don't write regularly, I won't send you to them. Thanks to all of my inspirational bloggers. I definitely draw something from each of you.
Cerebral Gumbo
The name of this blog is appropriately titled because it has a little bit of everything in it. Rhonda Richardson, the writer of this blog, is one of the people that inspired me to start my own blog. She is very witty and a bit of a lunch box, which is why I identify with her style of writing so much. Click on the link above to check her out.
A Word or Three
Two things that I love in a woman are beauty and sophistication. Crystal Marie Grant has them both, and they come shining through in every post that she publishes. Crystal and I are both alumni of the best university ever established. In every post, Crystal forces me to be more conscious of what I say, do, and write. She is truly a well rounded black woman. I need you all to check her out on the link above.
Evolution of a Queen
Brandy Facey is truly a queen. Her poems are some of the illest (is that a word? lol) lyrics I've ever read. Whenever I need inspiration to write something, I check out her blog. She has forced me to elevate my game in so many ways that I am forever in her debt. Some of her best work she has decided to leave off of her blog, which once you read, you will realize just how talented she is. Check her out at the link above.
I have so many other blogs that I am subscribed to, but since a lot of them don't write regularly, I won't send you to them. Thanks to all of my inspirational bloggers. I definitely draw something from each of you.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Day 11
So, I was reading 'Cerebral Gumbo' a couple weeks ago, and Rhonda had an idea to put up a 30 day challenge. Y'all know I'm always up for a challenge, so each day I would go on here page, read the instructions, and comment under her post. Around day 10, I received a Facebook message from Rhonda telling me how slow I am for placing my comment in her response section and not on my own blog. So, I decided to share with you where I am right now and you can join in if you would like.
Now, the instructions for Day 11 are a bit easy:
1. Put your iTunes on Shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. You must write down the name of the song no matter how silly it sounds!
4. Put any comments in brackets after the song name.
(It is crazy how a lot of songs will answer the questions!)
If someone says, “Is this okay?” You say:
Holla If You Need Me- Trey Sonz (Yup! *Trey Songz voice*"
How would you describe yourself?
400 Degreez- Juvenile (I am hot lol)
What do you like in a guy/girl?
Crumblin' Erb- Outkast (this couldn't be farther from the truth! lol)
How do you feel today?
Listen- Beyonce' (I don't know how the hell this got on my IPOD!!! lmao)
What is your life’s purpose?
Addiction- Kanye West("Why everything that's sposed to be bad make me feel so good???" lol)
What is your motto?
Won't Trade- Q-Tip ("I won't trade it for nothing!")
What do your friends think of you?
Crank That (Soulja Boy)- Soulja Boy Tell Em (No comment...lol)
What do you think of your parents?
The Black N Gold- Wale (Mom is looking a lil pale these days...And dad you black as shit! lmao Aight yall don't tell on me. I still get beatings lol)
What do you think about often?
Real As It Gets- Jay-Z feat. Young Jeezy (This is real though. Life is getting more and more real. I need undergrad back in my life lol)
What is 2 + 2?
The Kramer ("He's a nigga!")- Wale
What do you think of your best friend?
Gone- Kanye West (That nigga Bobby left me and went to the A! Twan's still here though! lol)
What do you think of the person you like?
American Terrorist- Lupe Fiasco (I like myself and some days I look in the mirror and wonder if I had on a turbin would I get stopped at the airport lol)
What do you want to be when you grow up?
Crack Music- Kanye West (I do want to make good music...)
What do you think of when you see the person you like?
Dance on Glass- Q-Tip (Damn this is the truth!!! lol)
What will you dance to at your wedding?
Panty Droppa- Trey Songz (I'm down with that! Well i guess it'll be more appropriate for the stripper brides maids lmao)
What will they play at your funeral?
Are We Cuttin'- Pastor Troy feat. Ms. Jade (Does Pastor Troy get to do the eulogy? lol)
What is your hobby/interest?
Reservoir Dogs- Jay-Z Feat. The Lox (???)
What is your biggest fear?
Go Somewhere- Devin The Dude ( I don't want to leave)
What is your biggest secret?
My Downfall- Notorious B.I.G.
What do you think of your friends?
Time- Musiq Soulchild
Thar's pretty much it. I won't stifle you all like Rhonda did to me. You can write yours in my response box if you want. I'm out!
Now, the instructions for Day 11 are a bit easy:
1. Put your iTunes on Shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. You must write down the name of the song no matter how silly it sounds!
4. Put any comments in brackets after the song name.
(It is crazy how a lot of songs will answer the questions!)
If someone says, “Is this okay?” You say:
Holla If You Need Me- Trey Sonz (Yup! *Trey Songz voice*"
How would you describe yourself?
400 Degreez- Juvenile (I am hot lol)
What do you like in a guy/girl?
Crumblin' Erb- Outkast (this couldn't be farther from the truth! lol)
How do you feel today?
Listen- Beyonce' (I don't know how the hell this got on my IPOD!!! lmao)
What is your life’s purpose?
Addiction- Kanye West("Why everything that's sposed to be bad make me feel so good???" lol)
What is your motto?
Won't Trade- Q-Tip ("I won't trade it for nothing!")
What do your friends think of you?
Crank That (Soulja Boy)- Soulja Boy Tell Em (No comment...lol)
What do you think of your parents?
The Black N Gold- Wale (Mom is looking a lil pale these days...And dad you black as shit! lmao Aight yall don't tell on me. I still get beatings lol)
What do you think about often?
Real As It Gets- Jay-Z feat. Young Jeezy (This is real though. Life is getting more and more real. I need undergrad back in my life lol)
What is 2 + 2?
The Kramer ("He's a nigga!")- Wale
What do you think of your best friend?
Gone- Kanye West (That nigga Bobby left me and went to the A! Twan's still here though! lol)
What do you think of the person you like?
American Terrorist- Lupe Fiasco (I like myself and some days I look in the mirror and wonder if I had on a turbin would I get stopped at the airport lol)
What do you want to be when you grow up?
Crack Music- Kanye West (I do want to make good music...)
What do you think of when you see the person you like?
Dance on Glass- Q-Tip (Damn this is the truth!!! lol)
What will you dance to at your wedding?
Panty Droppa- Trey Songz (I'm down with that! Well i guess it'll be more appropriate for the stripper brides maids lmao)
What will they play at your funeral?
Are We Cuttin'- Pastor Troy feat. Ms. Jade (Does Pastor Troy get to do the eulogy? lol)
What is your hobby/interest?
Reservoir Dogs- Jay-Z Feat. The Lox (???)
What is your biggest fear?
Go Somewhere- Devin The Dude ( I don't want to leave)
What is your biggest secret?
My Downfall- Notorious B.I.G.
What do you think of your friends?
Time- Musiq Soulchild
Thar's pretty much it. I won't stifle you all like Rhonda did to me. You can write yours in my response box if you want. I'm out!
Friday, October 1, 2010
Tell 'Em Why You Mad, Son!
So, I was updating my status on Facebook yesterday when I saw that my homegirl Crystal Marie Grant posted a link to an article entitled "8 Reasons To Date A White Man" (I suggest reading this before you continue). At first, I just laughed at the title because I always here black women say, "I'm going to date a white man because niggas ain't shit!" Once I actually opened the linked and read the article, I saw that it really just spoke to the problem between black men and black women (a perpetuation of the cycle if you will). We as humans (not just black folks) are so quick to evaluate the short commings of others, that we rarely self-evaluate. Now, that may be redundant, but I will attempt to rectify once I get going with this post.
I read this article a few times before I got angry. Now, I don't have a problem with any of the points that she made in her article. I do, however, have a problem with the generalizations that she made with each point. I won't go through each of the points she made because I linked the article, but at no time did she say "some" or "a lot of" black men fit this criteria. Each statement started off with "Black Men." Correct me if I'm wrong, but I am a black man, right? You know what! I will go through each point! I feel like I have to exonerate myself from the box that she placed on THIS black man. Alright, here we go:
1. They Open Wide Instead of Down Low
I can open wide right now and tell you that I'm a healthy heterosexual male, and I love women. The best creation that the Lord has ever touched was a black woman (in my opinion) and nothing on this earth is comparable.
2. Not Looking For Someone To Take Car of Them
Every man in my family is a work-a-holic and provider. Me ask a woman to take care of me? Won't happen! I would honestly rather be on the street begging for change! Well that's a little extreme but you get my drift.
3. Attend and Graduate College
For real though? If you went to an HBCU, you've seen plenty of black men that have graduated from college. Well, if you haven't, I'll be done with my Masters next summer, and working on my Ph.D next fall. How's that for an education.
4. At Least Attempt To Marry Before Making Babies
Unless you count all of these god-kids as mine, I don't have any babies and I won't have any until I get married.
5. They Don't Glamorize Ignorance
I don't even go around my old neighborhood often because the attitudes aren't progressive. I know I'm not a "thug" and I've never tried to portray myself as such. And I know every lyric to every hip-hop song ever created (no really I do).
6. Financial Planning and Stability
Ask AXA about my financial planning. Ask DCTFCU about my stability. I moved back in with my parents so that I could have 20% of a down payment and not the lowly 3.5% that FHA requires (Oh yeah, check out the new regulations coming to FHA this October).
7. Have The Ability To Look beyond Your Past
This just sounds like something a promiscuous woman writes to be accepted after whoring around in a city, then decides that she wants to be taken serious. I won't even entertain this one.
8. Don't Take Everything As A Challenge To Their Masculinity
I don't think you can write #2 and then write this one. They conflict. I do take certain things as a challenge to my masculinity. If you're going to accept one gender role then accept them all! I feel like that's a pride thing though. Some women (not all) feel that they have to aggressively assert themselves to make a point that a mans presence isn't needed. That's fine, but most times that will assure you that you don't need a man.
I guess 7/8 isn't bad.
I read this article a few times before I got angry. Now, I don't have a problem with any of the points that she made in her article. I do, however, have a problem with the generalizations that she made with each point. I won't go through each of the points she made because I linked the article, but at no time did she say "some" or "a lot of" black men fit this criteria. Each statement started off with "Black Men." Correct me if I'm wrong, but I am a black man, right? You know what! I will go through each point! I feel like I have to exonerate myself from the box that she placed on THIS black man. Alright, here we go:
1. They Open Wide Instead of Down Low
I can open wide right now and tell you that I'm a healthy heterosexual male, and I love women. The best creation that the Lord has ever touched was a black woman (in my opinion) and nothing on this earth is comparable.
2. Not Looking For Someone To Take Car of Them
Every man in my family is a work-a-holic and provider. Me ask a woman to take care of me? Won't happen! I would honestly rather be on the street begging for change! Well that's a little extreme but you get my drift.
3. Attend and Graduate College
For real though? If you went to an HBCU, you've seen plenty of black men that have graduated from college. Well, if you haven't, I'll be done with my Masters next summer, and working on my Ph.D next fall. How's that for an education.
4. At Least Attempt To Marry Before Making Babies
Unless you count all of these god-kids as mine, I don't have any babies and I won't have any until I get married.
5. They Don't Glamorize Ignorance
I don't even go around my old neighborhood often because the attitudes aren't progressive. I know I'm not a "thug" and I've never tried to portray myself as such. And I know every lyric to every hip-hop song ever created (no really I do).
6. Financial Planning and Stability
Ask AXA about my financial planning. Ask DCTFCU about my stability. I moved back in with my parents so that I could have 20% of a down payment and not the lowly 3.5% that FHA requires (Oh yeah, check out the new regulations coming to FHA this October).
7. Have The Ability To Look beyond Your Past
This just sounds like something a promiscuous woman writes to be accepted after whoring around in a city, then decides that she wants to be taken serious. I won't even entertain this one.
8. Don't Take Everything As A Challenge To Their Masculinity
I don't think you can write #2 and then write this one. They conflict. I do take certain things as a challenge to my masculinity. If you're going to accept one gender role then accept them all! I feel like that's a pride thing though. Some women (not all) feel that they have to aggressively assert themselves to make a point that a mans presence isn't needed. That's fine, but most times that will assure you that you don't need a man.
I guess 7/8 isn't bad.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Why I No Longer Want A Career In Education
As some of you can tell by the title, I am blogging out of frustration and may not necessarily mean that I don't want to teach anymore. However, after watching Oprahs' episode glorifying D.C. schools Chancellor Michelle Rhee, I can no longer stomach the disrespect that teachers are subject to. I won't use this as a forum to rip the chancellor (I'll save that for another post), but I do want to address the gamut of issues that plague our school systems. Issues that have seemed to be scapegoated by the teachers who are asked to overcome these issues. So, since the Oprah show only focused on ineffective teachers, I'll focus on everything else.
Compensation: I think this is the most obvious factor when it comes to education. While other fields enjoy pay comparable to the amount of time that they put in, teachers are often asked to go above and beyond without being compensated properly. Now, I don't mind putting my business out there, so telling you all that I started out making 42K in Washington, D.C. doesn't bother me. What does bother me is that after taxes, I can't afford a decent place to live on this salary. If being undervalued doesn't take affect in any other form, it does in the pockets. Of course, people outside of the education arena will try to mind fuck us (yes I said fuck! lol) into thinking that it shouldn't be about money, but how else are we supposed to live?
Socioeconomic Status: I heard the chancellor say (this isn't an exact quote) that all students can learn regardless of the circumstances. In theory, this is a great attitude to have because you shouldn't walk into a classroom and think that all of your students will be failures because they are from a particular background. The thing about theory, is that when it is applied to real life situations, it may not work as well as we liked to think it will. Actually, to really believe that socioeconomic situations don't affect education and learning would suggest that you as a person deal in idealism. For a person to make that statement and actually believe it means that he/she is a little out of touch with reality. No Child Left Behind (NCLB) has made it very clear that poor students don't need as much money as students that are well off. While this is probably the dumbest thing I've ever heard, it speaks to the agenda of the people at the top pulling the strings.
Classroom Size: Have you ever tried to get order in a room full of 20+ children??? No? Well not only do teachers in the District have to gain order and control, but they also have to make sure every student is on or above grade level. Now, Chancellor Rhee bragged about closing schools that were under performing. These schools already had large class sizes, so what happened to the students at these schools? Yup! You guessed it. These students were placed into already over crowded schools and classrooms to put more pressure on teachers. Sad reality: Given the differences in learning styles, if you place 30+ students in a classroom, they won't all learn.
Standardized Tests: If you have heard of NCLB then you have an idea that test scores tie into how much money schools receive. The problem with this is that administrators put pressure on teachers to raise test scores "by any means necessary". This forces teachers to "teach to the test" instead of create a well rounded educational experience. This method of teaching doesn't not foster learning, but well else can you do if this is required of you as educators?
Parent Involvement (or lack thereof): The first teachers that children will ever have are their parents. The epidemic of "babies having babies" has severely inhibited childrens early years learning. With that being said, children are coming into classrooms knowing the hottest song on the radio, but not their ABC's. How effective can you be as a teacher if you aren't receiving reinforcement at home? Not to mention that curricula are filled with standards that parents should be teaching at home anyway. Why as a physical education teacher do I have to teach about hygiene? Students should come to school without knowing about hygiene!!! But today some parents would rather we raise their kids. I parent told me on the first day of school that they sure are glad that their child is back in school so that they can get a break. Is this what it has come to? Parents placing the onus of child rearing on teachers?
Just writing this post has made me more angry. To enter a career as thankless as teaching, and then to be told that you are the primary reason for the decline of student achievement is a bit of a smack in the face. I do understand that there are teachers out there who are horrible and need to be run out of the school system, but what about the teachers who are being pushed out without any type of support. If this continues, the teaching profession will become more unattractive than it already is, and getting people to enter the field will be more challenging than trying to educate students. I'll just tell people like Chancellor Rhee, goodluck with that. Now, that may sound harsh, but "I'm Just Sayin'"...
Compensation: I think this is the most obvious factor when it comes to education. While other fields enjoy pay comparable to the amount of time that they put in, teachers are often asked to go above and beyond without being compensated properly. Now, I don't mind putting my business out there, so telling you all that I started out making 42K in Washington, D.C. doesn't bother me. What does bother me is that after taxes, I can't afford a decent place to live on this salary. If being undervalued doesn't take affect in any other form, it does in the pockets. Of course, people outside of the education arena will try to mind fuck us (yes I said fuck! lol) into thinking that it shouldn't be about money, but how else are we supposed to live?
Socioeconomic Status: I heard the chancellor say (this isn't an exact quote) that all students can learn regardless of the circumstances. In theory, this is a great attitude to have because you shouldn't walk into a classroom and think that all of your students will be failures because they are from a particular background. The thing about theory, is that when it is applied to real life situations, it may not work as well as we liked to think it will. Actually, to really believe that socioeconomic situations don't affect education and learning would suggest that you as a person deal in idealism. For a person to make that statement and actually believe it means that he/she is a little out of touch with reality. No Child Left Behind (NCLB) has made it very clear that poor students don't need as much money as students that are well off. While this is probably the dumbest thing I've ever heard, it speaks to the agenda of the people at the top pulling the strings.
Classroom Size: Have you ever tried to get order in a room full of 20+ children??? No? Well not only do teachers in the District have to gain order and control, but they also have to make sure every student is on or above grade level. Now, Chancellor Rhee bragged about closing schools that were under performing. These schools already had large class sizes, so what happened to the students at these schools? Yup! You guessed it. These students were placed into already over crowded schools and classrooms to put more pressure on teachers. Sad reality: Given the differences in learning styles, if you place 30+ students in a classroom, they won't all learn.
Standardized Tests: If you have heard of NCLB then you have an idea that test scores tie into how much money schools receive. The problem with this is that administrators put pressure on teachers to raise test scores "by any means necessary". This forces teachers to "teach to the test" instead of create a well rounded educational experience. This method of teaching doesn't not foster learning, but well else can you do if this is required of you as educators?
Parent Involvement (or lack thereof): The first teachers that children will ever have are their parents. The epidemic of "babies having babies" has severely inhibited childrens early years learning. With that being said, children are coming into classrooms knowing the hottest song on the radio, but not their ABC's. How effective can you be as a teacher if you aren't receiving reinforcement at home? Not to mention that curricula are filled with standards that parents should be teaching at home anyway. Why as a physical education teacher do I have to teach about hygiene? Students should come to school without knowing about hygiene!!! But today some parents would rather we raise their kids. I parent told me on the first day of school that they sure are glad that their child is back in school so that they can get a break. Is this what it has come to? Parents placing the onus of child rearing on teachers?
Just writing this post has made me more angry. To enter a career as thankless as teaching, and then to be told that you are the primary reason for the decline of student achievement is a bit of a smack in the face. I do understand that there are teachers out there who are horrible and need to be run out of the school system, but what about the teachers who are being pushed out without any type of support. If this continues, the teaching profession will become more unattractive than it already is, and getting people to enter the field will be more challenging than trying to educate students. I'll just tell people like Chancellor Rhee, goodluck with that. Now, that may sound harsh, but "I'm Just Sayin'"...
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