The Maturation of J Reed: Vol. 7

My participation in the competition would have been a "feel good" story if we hadn't have come in 2nd place again. I think I was more upset with the loss then the jokes that came as a result of it. Of course the jokes came rolling in though. But by this time a was pretty numb to ridicule. It came from so many angles that joking back just seemed pointless. So I pretty much ignored it.

Another person that I had great admiration for in high school was Tyrone Adams. I really hate the use of the term swagger, because it sounds gay (no offense to anyone), especially when referring to another man, but T.J. reeked of arrogance. We were polar opposites. I was more reserved and quiet but T.J. was loud and flamboyant. I'm sure people wondered why we would hangout together. I honestly think it was because he represented what I wasn't. Deep down inside I wanted to have that confidence that he possessed. I would have to ask him why he hung out with me (lol). If I had to take a guess, I would say that it was probably my work ethic. I noticed that he would make sure he worked out with me. Whatever I was doing in the weightroom or on the field, no matter how counterproductive, he was right there with me.

In hanging out with T.J. I met a lot of his family. In fact, when I started growing my hair, it was his mother that would sit for hours braiding or re-twisting it. But one family member in particular I was glad that I was introduced to.

The summer going into my 11th grade year I was introduced to T.J.'s cousin, K.K. I remember being introduced to her in Coolidge's gymnasium and being speechless. She was beautiful. So beautiful that intially, I wouldn't even look her directly in the eye. The good thing about K.K. is that all though she was very pretty, she was also very humble. And if she wasn't, she made sure she appeared to be. I never heard her bragging on herself like some of the other girls around Coolidge. This made her even more attractive.

The start of 11th grade looked very promising for me. I switched positions on the football field from quarterback to fullback and linebacker, I had received numerous letters from colleges expressing interest in my athletic ability, and I was a captain on the football team. All of these things lead to a boost in my confidence. I was considered an upperclassman so I went from being ridiculed and scrutinized, to admired and looked up to. That felt great. People still had their jokes though, but by this time I wasn't really sweating it. I knew in my heart that at some point in the future I would have the last laugh.

The Maturation of J Reed: Vol. 6

One of the people I respected most in high school was Antonio Pixley. Tony P was probably the most well-known and respected person in the school. He was very athletic and like myself, he played every sport that you were allowed to play in our high school (except one lol).
One of the reasons why Tony was well respected, was because his mom worked at the school. Now that’s not a knock on him, but more of a testament to how much everybody loved Mrs. Pixley. Mrs. Pixley was like a mom away from home at Coolidge. She was one of the people that you knew genuinely cared about you. She could always see when something was wrong, and knew when to lay into you for things you did, that you had no business doing. Mrs. Pixley showed this kind of love to everybody around Coolidge. For this very reason, I had no problem helping her with whatever she asked of me. However, one thing she asked of me my 10th grade year would challenge my previous statement.Along with working in the book room, Mrs. P was also the coach of the cheerleading team. She had a solid resume of 2nd place finishes in competitions but wanted something that would put her over the top. One day, while a few of my football teammates and I were chilling in her room, she asked us a question that would take a lot of thought to answer. Mrs. P asked us if we would help her in the cheerleading competition. Basically, she wanted us to be the base to her stunts so that routines would be more exciting. I mean a few football players could throw a person higher in the air than a few cheerleaders. I want to say that I accepted without hesitation, but that would be a bold face lie. I had mixed feelings because I knew that Mrs. P would have done anything for me. However, I also knew that this would be just the ammunition people needed to start a whole new comedy routine at my expense. In the end, I felt that my loyalty to Mrs. P for the love she showed me far outweighed the ridicule that I would receive for my participation in the cheerleading competition. Don’t get me wrong, it was tough, but I knew my decision was the right one.

The Maturation of J Reed: Vol. 5

Playing quarterback in the passing league was as challenging as it was fun. For every good pass I threw, there were like 5 that were horrible. But as bad as I was at the position, my teammates still expressed confidence in me. Partly because there wasn't really anybody else to play the position(lol).
Right before the start of my 10th grade season, I was as confident as I had ever been up to that point in my life. My wardrobe was enhanced slightly, I was about to be the starting quarterback of my varsity high school football team, and I was ready to start school and see what everybody's view of me was.
I learned quickly that the pressure of the quarterback position was worth the acclaim and popularity. The position is so glamorized because of the huge amount of responsibility that is placed on the shoulders of the person that occupies it. I never felt pressure like that. At least not up that point of my life. I would hear people in the stands yelling for me to "hang up my cleats." I'm pretty sure that they knew that I was out of position, but they could've cared less. I was the quarterback of the team and the scapegoat.
On the contrary, the plan was somewhat of a success as far as school went. I was cool with people all over the school. Especially since that year there was an influx of students that came from Paul Jr. High to start the 10th grade at Coolidge. They weren't there for 9th grade, so they didn't see me as the "DKNY rockin' bamma" that some of the other students did. That was cool with me because I was a lil tired of being ridiculed. Girls that were new to the school that weren't familiar with my fashion woes judged me strictly on my attitude, personality, and athletic ability.
That year I showed flashes of greatness on the football field, but my year was loomed largely by mediocrity. I guess that's why the coaches decided midway through the year that a 2 quarterback system would probably be best for the team. This was a blow to my confidence but back then I was a "whatever for the team" type of player (actually I still am). So I took it with a grain of salt knowing that I would still be used in some capacity.
That football season ended with us losing about 6 games, which was still the best season we had had in awhile. But something at the end of the season didn't sit right with me. All of my teammates that were set to graduate, were very upset that we weren't as competitive as they felt we should have been. Even though they never admitted it, I think they secretly blamed me for the way the season turned out. This was a blow to me at the time because I felt like I sacrificed gaining experience at my natural position to help out the team. I was so down about the attitudes that they displayed, that I made it up in my mind that I would abandon the position the following season.
I wanted to keep my popularity up (lol at how much of a loser I was) so I decided that I would join the basketball team right after the season was over. I figured it was a great way to stay in shape also. I realized something while playing on the basketball team: People around the city, not just in my school, knew who I was. I was shocked by this. Who would've thought that my decision to play quarterback would give me notoriety around the city. Obviously this was a boost to my confidence. I remember one player from Eastern High School asked me was I playing in the All-Star game that year. When I told him I was only a 10th grader, his jaw hit the floor. He said, "Man you have 2 more years to play, you better go to the league (NFL)." I was proud of comments like those that I received. It had me feeling a different way about myself. But something I did at the end of my 10th grade year almost put me square in the spotlight of ridicule once more...

The Maturation of J Reed: Vol. 4

The end of my 9th grade year represented alot to me. I knew that there wouldn't be any stupid rule preventing me from doing what I loved to do, and I was excited about coming back to school with new clothes and a new attitude.
At the beginning of summer, I decided to do 3 things. 1) even though I didn't need it, I signed up for summer school to help myself in english, 2) I signed up to work with the Boys and Girls Club that was located in my school, and 3) I worked as hard as I knew how to get stronger in the weightroom. I was never at home. I would leave out at 8 in the morning and I wouldn't return until about 9 in the evening. I needed to do everything in my power to make sure that I was cool and popular. One thing that really helped me with this was the transfer of Rob Reed. I know you all are like, "what?" Well let me explain.
Towards the end of 9th grade Coolidge had hired new coaches. I think they were impressed with my versitility so they talked about putting me everywhere on the field. Well almost everywhere. Rob Reed was projected to be the quarterback of the team for the upcoming year. In my opinion he was a very good passer and would be the most logical choice to run whatever offense we would have. But midway through the summer, Rob decided to transfer high schools. I don't really remember why, but I just remember thinking, "Who the hell is going to be our quarterback?"
One summer day after working out in the weight room, me and a couple of my teammates went on the field to throw the ball around a lil bit. I would throw a couple of passes and act like I was going to be the new quarterback. At the end of our session, I went and stood at the opposite 30 yardline, and tried to see how far I could throw the ball. I would consistently throw it out the back of the endzone. So one of my teammates made the suggestion that I play quarterback. I laughed at the idea, but as I had more time to reflect on it, I knew that was just what I needed to make me popular. I mean, who doesn't know the starting quarterback of their high school? So I showed the coaches my arm strength and went into the passing league with the position of quarterback.

The Maturation of J Reed: Vol. 3

I must forewarn you all that this will probably go on up until volume 10. I have alot of stuff I need to run through and I know if I did it in one post you wouldn't read it all. So I appreciate you all being patient with my maturation process. When I departed at volume 2, I was talking about something that gave me a lil bit of confidence as I entered High School.

The end of my 8th grade year was a happy time for me. Not only was I about to leave Takoma, the place where I had been shunned by my peers, but I was looking forward to a fresh start where I didn't have to be such an outcast. Another thing that made the forseeable future so bright for me was the fact that I had went up to Coolidge, my future high school, and tried out for the team. (yes as and 8th grader) I was so eager to be one of the cool kids that it never dawned on me that I wasn't experienced enough to play with these guys. I went into the practices with no fear. I caught every pass. I remembered every play. And I just soaked up as much knowledge as I could about playing football in high school. I did so well that before I was even enrolled a Coolidge, people already knew my name. Well not really. I was actually referred to as "Jethro" for reasons I choose not to dicuss now. But what the giver of this name didn't realize, is that even though he probably gave me this name as a joke, I took it as a term of endearment. I felt like I belonged. I would pretend that I hated the fact that they would give me such a nickname, but secretly, I was proud that they called me anything. The fact that they would even notice me enough to give me a nickname was a testiment to how well I must've done on the field. So I took it with a grin.
When 9th grade started, I was beaming. I was one of the only kids that would walk through the halls and know all the upperclassmen. They treated me like a lil brother and I was proud of that. Since I was the only 9th grader playing a varsity sport, I felt like I was special. Only problem, DC had a stupid rule (that they changed because of my coaches petition AFTER I got to the 10th grade) that prevented 9th graders from competing in varsity sports. So yes, after much hard work, I wasn't even allowed to play in games. This really had me down. And most importantly, it opened the door for me to be scrutinized again. People were like, "If you're supposed to be so good, why won't they let you play?" No matter how hard I tried to explain, people still couldn't get why I wasn't playing. Not to mention, I was still dressing pretty much the same as I did when I was in middle school. Which opened the door for more jokes and ridicule. Imagine a kid walking through a hallway of Jordan's, Nike's, and Reebok's, with a pair of DKNY shoes on. It wasn't like I could choose what I wore. I had to wear what my parents could afford. But of course when you're in high school kids don't think like that. All they saw was this big dude with shoes that probably shouldn't be worn by any man. So basically I was back to getting joked on. It wasn't too bad though because I had learned to cope. Or at least I thought I did. My way of trying not to allow the jokes to get to me was to either ignore them, or laugh with them. I think this made me appear weak to a few people. I mean I could fight, but what was I going to do? Beat up half the kids in my grade level. I guess I could've made an example out of somebody but I learned a long time ago that, that isn't the way to handle things (I'll explain this in a latter post). So I would be fuming on the inside but still trying to keep a smile on my face. I was glad that 9th grade flew by so fast. Not only was I going to be able to get a job so I could buy my own clothes, but I received the greatest look to my confidence...

The Maturation of J Reed: Vol. 2

I first want to say thank you to all of you who took time out to read my first post of this series. I didn't expect very many people to read it, but I'm glad you all enjoyed it. I was just scratching the surface with that post so be prepared for me to get deeper because I think it's very necessary for me to expose myself totally (well almost totally lol).

I'm sure most of you read yesterday's post and were like "I thought him and Fatz (my sister) were close?" Yes we are close now. It took a lot for me to realize that my anger shouldn't have been towards her. She wasn't the blame for my lack of attention. So I was able to let that go years ago. But the residue from my lack of attention still lingered.

When I was in middle school I was the ultimate outcast. Imagine a kid that's almost the size of his teachers...Add that with the fact that he had to wear hand me down clothes that were either a lil loose or a lil snug, he was on a different side of town, and you have a social moth on your hands. I still think about those times and laugh. I felt like everybody was against me when I got to Takoma. It took a few months for me to even find somebody to be friends with. And don't let me mention the girls. I think this excerpt from "Song Cry" from Jay-Z sums it up, "Use to tell their friends I was ugly and wouldn't touch me..." I would try to be nice to whatever girl I liked but they would run the other way like I had the plague or something lol. So once again sports became my way to cope. By this time I had become pretty good in football, so playing that was equally for enjoyment as it was for notariety. But when basketball season rolled around, I knew I had to sign up when I was told how big it was at Takoma. Almost instantly I could see some peoples view of me change. Don't get me wrong, I was still made fun of, but I was starting to be treated a lil different. Instead of girls running when they saw me, they would just tell me I was ugly to my face lol. I remember having a crush on this girl named Tikea Via. And I can vividly remember the look she had on her face when somebody told her that I liked her. It was a look of disgust mixed with pity. I'll never forget that look. That crush slowly faded, and more crushes soon followed, but the sting of that particular account is probably one of the memories that has driven my teenage and adult years. It was pretty much more of the same through out Middle School but something happened at the end of 8th grade that gave me a bit of confidence...

I'm pretty sure that you want me to continue right now, but in the interest of the next post, I must stop (got to have insurance that you're gonna read the next jount lol)

The Maturation of J Reed: Vol. 1

It seems that after almost 26 years on this earth, I‘ve realized something vital to my maturation process: I do not know who I am! Now, I know when you think of that you say, "How do you not know yourself?” That's a question that I may have asked someone if I heard him or her say the same thing a few years ago. (Hell maybe even a few months ago) However, if you look at the statement without focusing on the superficial meaning of it, you may understand before I type another word.

If I go back as far as I can remember, I can pull out some things that can directly attribute to the man that I've become. If you ask a person some of the characteristics that I display, they may give you a few answers. Some would say I’m a very nice guy. I think I’ve heard someone refer to me as a gentle giant. (I think that sounds pretty gay if you ask me but whatever) You may have even heard me referred to as humble. I think I agree with that assessment of me (well maybe all but that gentle giant crap) but there are many things about myself that I haven’t allowed anyone to know.

Growing up I didn’t receive very much attention. From my family, to my teachers, to my peers, and especially the young ladies, I was looked upon as somewhat of an outcast. This forced me to do everything imaginable in order to gain attention.
I started playing football at a young age. I saw it on TV and really loved the nature of it. Plus my family all gathered around the TV screen whenever the Redskins were on, so I figured the only way to gain the attention of my family was to play ball. This plan didn’t really work well because only a few family members made it to a game (Well, until my team made it to the championship) and my sister was still the family attention grabber. This was very frustrating for me. To do all you can to fight for attention only to be ignored. Then, to add insult to injury, the person you’re competing with receives attention so effortlessly.
Have you ever resented someone without them knowing it? Well that’s what my life was. I low key hated my sister. And it wasn’t even because of the hell she put me through. (I’m sure most of you have seen the knife wounds lol) My sister was able to walk in any room and be received well by anybody. My family loved her. People who didn’t know her loved her. And I ended up the weird and awkward tag-a-long lil brother. It’s even emotional to write about now because I remember just trying to be better than her in everything. No matter how I tried to out shine her, I was the outcast.
In order to keep “My Thoughts” rolling I must stop this post right here. There are a few reason I started off with this sequence of events and they will be relayed in the next post. So please keep reading. Thank You!