Guess who's biz-ack with a fresh post for the masses??? No! I'm not Crystal Marie Grant! Her blog is www.awordorthree.com. My name is Jarrett Burgess, remember me? Well, if you don't, I've brought you such thought provoking posts such as 'Always the Chase, Rarely the Capture' and 'Pimp Juice'; "But this ish right here n$gg@, this ish right here!" may just be the thing to get my former readers back on my team.
I always proclaim to tell the truth. This is a lie. Not intentionally, but moreso because there are times when I'm not truthful with myself, so how can I be expected to be honest with someone else? I'm sure most of you can share in this sentiment; and for those of you who can't, you're lying to yourself right now, so just stop reading this post. I'm about to be as transparent as I have ever been, and it will take an open mind to navigate what you read and understand the relations between men and women. If I can remember correctly, I usually throw out the disclaimer, "I do not claim to be the voice of every man." I do, however, speak for enough men that my thoughts are relevant and should be taken VERY serious.
Some time ago I wrote a post called 'Always the Chase, Rarely the Capture' (If you want to know what it's about then scroll back on this blog until you find it) where I released the tip of the iceberg...this time I'm going to drain the water.
I've always considered myself a good man, but after a few interactions with different women, I'm not so sure about that. I mean, I'm definitely a gentleman. I'm considerate. I'm chivalrous. I'm protective. A provider. All of the things that a woman would want in a man (Okay, I'm tooting my own horn for a purpose). The problem is, the innate thing that separates male and female didn't fully skip over me.
The "thrill" of the chase is something that excites every man. It doesn't matter how much we attempt to deny it. It's the reason why some men cheat physically. It's the reason why some men hold inapporpriate relationships with women that aren't their significant other. We have something inside of us that craves pursuit. I have absolutely no idea where it comes from, but ladies, any man willing to be totally honest, will tell you that it's inside of him. We can be totally enthralled with a woman, but once we "have" her, we no longer have the thrill of the chase. Now, I purposely put quotations around "have" in that last sentence to illustrate that "have" doesn't necessarily mean sex. The word "have" could simply mean "have your attention". Whatever the meaning, something changes in BOTH of us after the capture.
Ladies, I know you may not want to follow me on this, but check me out: During the chase phase, most women are interested without being too available; nice with the right touch of sassiness; and partial without being overly-affectionate. Once "the chase" turns into "the capture", that changes a bit (or a lot depending on the woman). Now, I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with this, because that means that we've won your total attention; but this change in you all is counteracted by the change in us. The chase is complete.
I went through all of that to give women the secret to keeping a man interested after he "has" you: Keep him chasing! Pretty obvious, huh? Yeah, well you already knew that men weren't that complicated. I'm sure that the average woman will say, "Jarrett, this sounds like games and I'm getting too old for that". While on some level I agree with this, I think the alternative reeks of laziness and complacency. Far too often I see women get a man and stop doing all the things that they did to attract him. If you're content with this, then continue doing what you've been doing; but if not, ask questions under the "comments" tab of this post and I promise I will write a follow up answering your questions.
7 comments:
Good post. Question though, how do you keep him chasing you without looking like you're playing games? If the point of the Chase is to get a woman, how do you distinguish between her and any other chic on the street you might be interested in? What would make her different?
No new discoveries here....but....what women should do before they start running is....1. Lace up your shoes so you don't fall....tripping is highly likely. 2. Understand why he is chasing you....what is this negro really on....and if he not on anything.....be still or u won't ever get rid of him bc he think u running but really u not interested at all...3. Save your stamina for the guy that is after what you are after and jog cross country....never run a 200...trust...he will appreciate the pace...and before you know it the chase will be over and u will run the race together (metaphorically of course)...
"he will appreciate the pace...and before you know it the chase will be over and u will run the race together (metaphorically of course)..."
I love this! Great metaphor. Eventually the chase has to stop and you gotta let someone catch up to you. :)
First, I'd like to thank all of you for commenting. It's nice to know that I'm not writing for my health (lol).
To Doni- I think in order to keep a man chasing, you must hold on to some of the things that you were doing when he was chasing you. A guy is going to show you that he realizes the difference between you and "any other chic off of the street". Once he does this, you both have to be creative so that neither of you get bored. If we as men continue to chase you, there isn't a need to fulfill that in anyone else. I'll certainly elaborate in the next post.
To Anonymous- "Why you gotta be anonymous!" lol I love the metaphor, but the end deals in idealism moreso than realism. Most men step into a relationship or dating situation with the best of intentions. The problem is, most of us don't understand why things change. So in theory, "run[-ing] the race together" is what we want, but what happens when we I see the runner in front of you and I get the urge to chase again? Again, i'll elaborate more on the next post.
To Crystal- You can let a man get close enough without fully catching up to you.
Ladies, I promise that I'm not being cynical, but I do want to offer the reality that we don't think about when we're "head over heels".
Appealing post. What then should a women do when a she is willing to let the guy catch her, but he is still focused on the chase that he doesn't realize that he can just have her? I don't know, but maybe he's just fulfilling his own thrill of a chase. Women aren't always going to run as long as a man wants to chase just because he like's the pursuit because then it could end up feeling like games after awhile.
What's up with all these anonymous comments??? lol Well, I guess I should be greatful that you're commenting at all. On a serious note, though, thank you!
Your comment is the reason why I HAVE to go deeper into this issue. In short, I'm merely saying that it's important for women not to become complacent in a relationship. We are sold this image of you during the dating phase, and while we know things must and will change, there are some women that do a complete 180 from the person that they represented themselves to be. Now, I know that this sounds like an entirely different issue, but it isn't really. I'm about to start this post right now, so I will definitely expound.
Well Mr. Burgess I whole heartedly agree with you that women must not become complacent. Keeping things exciting and spontaneous heightens passion. Keep him guessing with desire for your next move. But what about when roles are reversed. Just as much as men like to chase, women like to be chased. It is not uncommon for men to become complacent as well, despite the efforts of his woman. This cat and mouse game can be viewed from either point of view, but all in all, both if the connection is real, both sides will actively play their part so that the game never gets old..... "Until the next time...."
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