Self Eval...

In my last couple of posts, I have given a shot out to the person/s who have been the muse of my thoughts. So, I would like to start off by thanking Elaine and Crystal Moorefield for providing the material to get me out of my writers' block. I appreciate you both.

This post right here, (this shit right here, cuz! lol I'm so random)will probably be one of the most reflective pieces about myself and other black men that you will ever see me write. So, I'm just going to say right now, judge me if you will, but the reality of my words may make understanding the thought process of SOME black men a little easier.

A couple of days ago, I received an e-mail message from Elaine and a facebook wall post from Crystal, linking me to some crazy little animation making a spectacle out of the dating woes in the black community. I had seen one before and just really overlooked it, because in my opinion, it was just stupid. Now, I'll be the first to say that there are plenty of MEN out there that fit the description of the character in this animation, but as a black man I just can't get with these generalizations. Call me sensitive, but whatever! I am a black man, and when you say,"this that and the third" about black men, I take offense. That's not me taking up for the men who do fit into this box, it's just me saying don't generalize me. Regardless of the categories that society places us in, we all want to have some level of individuality.

With that being said, I did hear a statement in the animation that forced me to self-evaluate. I've noticed that whenever there is a conversation about the relationship between black men and black women, it turns into a finger pointing session where nothing really gets resolved. Part of the reason for this is because we don't understand one another. Another reason is because neither side wants to take resposibility for his/her actions. So, this is my attempt to go against the grain.

Growing up, I didn't really have many girls checking for me. I mean, don't get me wrong, there were a few girls here and there that were in to me, but for the most part, not really. As a matter of fact, I can remember how some girls would try to play me. For example, when I was in the 5th grade (I probably shouldn't have been thinking about girls then, but hell I was fresh and grown at a young age lol), I was totally smitten by a girl named Tanika Ware. Tanika was beautiful (well at least in my eyes). One day I garnered up enough confidence to approach her and was shocked when she said that she wanted to be my girlfriend. At that point in life I was sort of an outcast, so for her to receive me so well was a bit of an ego boost. I walked around school feeling really good about myself for a couple days. Then comes the let down. I found out a few days later that Tanika thought it would be funny to have me thinking that she was my girlfriend while everyone laughed at me. I was more hurt than embarassed. There are a few more situations that were similar to this that happened over the next couple years of my life.

I know you guys are probably scratching your head saying,"What the hell does that story have to do with anything?" My reply is simple...Everyone has a story. Reflecting on that story made me realize something; That situation has affected my whole life. Every time I get close to a woman, I'm always waiting for her to say,"sike!" Now, some of you may say, "that shouldn't affect you now", but it's unrealistic to think that things that happen to us in the past don't affect our present and future. This has actually caused me to put little or no trust in any woman for fear that I will be left with egg on my face. It's one of those things where you know that it probably isn't right to be this way, but what can I do to change it?

Situations like these that go unresolved are a real problem in our community. Since a lot of people in the black community don't see a need for therapy, these issues tend to reverberate into our present and future interactions. You couple that with the fact that we put our best foot forward in the beginning of dating relationships, and you have a recipe for dating disaster.

I realize that this post has taking a different turn than I initially expected, so I would like to have your feedback before I continue. I'm sure that some of you will disagree with what I've said already, but "I'm Just Sayin'..."

Day 15...My Favorite Blogs

Thanks to Ms. Rhonda Richardson, I have skipped from Day 11 to Day 15. It's okay though because I really like this day of the challenge. Todays' objective is to name your favorite blogs. I only have a couple, so I'll talk a little about them all.

Cerebral Gumbo
The name of this blog is appropriately titled because it has a little bit of everything in it. Rhonda Richardson, the writer of this blog, is one of the people that inspired me to start my own blog. She is very witty and a bit of a lunch box, which is why I identify with her style of writing so much. Click on the link above to check her out.

A Word or Three
Two things that I love in a woman are beauty and sophistication. Crystal Marie Grant has them both, and they come shining through in every post that she publishes. Crystal and I are both alumni of the best university ever established. In every post, Crystal forces me to be more conscious of what I say, do, and write. She is truly a well rounded black woman. I need you all to check her out on the link above.

Evolution of a Queen
Brandy Facey is truly a queen. Her poems are some of the illest (is that a word? lol) lyrics I've ever read. Whenever I need inspiration to write something, I check out her blog. She has forced me to elevate my game in so many ways that I am forever in her debt. Some of her best work she has decided to leave off of her blog, which once you read, you will realize just how talented she is. Check her out at the link above.

I have so many other blogs that I am subscribed to, but since a lot of them don't write regularly, I won't send you to them. Thanks to all of my inspirational bloggers. I definitely draw something from each of you.

Day 11

So, I was reading 'Cerebral Gumbo' a couple weeks ago, and Rhonda had an idea to put up a 30 day challenge. Y'all know I'm always up for a challenge, so each day I would go on here page, read the instructions, and comment under her post. Around day 10, I received a Facebook message from Rhonda telling me how slow I am for placing my comment in her response section and not on my own blog. So, I decided to share with you where I am right now and you can join in if you would like.

Now, the instructions for Day 11 are a bit easy:

1. Put your iTunes on Shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. You must write down the name of the song no matter how silly it sounds!
4. Put any comments in brackets after the song name.
(It is crazy how a lot of songs will answer the questions!)

If someone says, “Is this okay?” You say:
Holla If You Need Me- Trey Sonz (Yup! *Trey Songz voice*"

How would you describe yourself?
400 Degreez- Juvenile (I am hot lol)

What do you like in a guy/girl?
Crumblin' Erb- Outkast (this couldn't be farther from the truth! lol)

How do you feel today?
Listen- Beyonce' (I don't know how the hell this got on my IPOD!!! lmao)

What is your life’s purpose?
Addiction- Kanye West("Why everything that's sposed to be bad make me feel so good???" lol)

What is your motto?
Won't Trade- Q-Tip ("I won't trade it for nothing!")

What do your friends think of you?
Crank That (Soulja Boy)- Soulja Boy Tell Em (No comment...lol)

What do you think of your parents?
The Black N Gold- Wale (Mom is looking a lil pale these days...And dad you black as shit! lmao Aight yall don't tell on me. I still get beatings lol)

What do you think about often?
Real As It Gets- Jay-Z feat. Young Jeezy (This is real though. Life is getting more and more real. I need undergrad back in my life lol)

What is 2 + 2?
The Kramer ("He's a nigga!")- Wale

What do you think of your best friend?
Gone- Kanye West (That nigga Bobby left me and went to the A! Twan's still here though! lol)

What do you think of the person you like?
American Terrorist- Lupe Fiasco (I like myself and some days I look in the mirror and wonder if I had on a turbin would I get stopped at the airport lol)

What do you want to be when you grow up?
Crack Music- Kanye West (I do want to make good music...)

What do you think of when you see the person you like?
Dance on Glass- Q-Tip (Damn this is the truth!!! lol)

What will you dance to at your wedding?
Panty Droppa- Trey Songz (I'm down with that! Well i guess it'll be more appropriate for the stripper brides maids lmao)

What will they play at your funeral?
Are We Cuttin'- Pastor Troy feat. Ms. Jade (Does Pastor Troy get to do the eulogy? lol)

What is your hobby/interest?
Reservoir Dogs- Jay-Z Feat. The Lox (???)

What is your biggest fear?
Go Somewhere- Devin The Dude ( I don't want to leave)

What is your biggest secret?
My Downfall- Notorious B.I.G.

What do you think of your friends?
Time- Musiq Soulchild

Thar's pretty much it. I won't stifle you all like Rhonda did to me. You can write yours in my response box if you want. I'm out!

Tell 'Em Why You Mad, Son!

So, I was updating my status on Facebook yesterday when I saw that my homegirl Crystal Marie Grant posted a link to an article entitled "8 Reasons To Date A White Man" (I suggest reading this before you continue). At first, I just laughed at the title because I always here black women say, "I'm going to date a white man because niggas ain't shit!" Once I actually opened the linked and read the article, I saw that it really just spoke to the problem between black men and black women (a perpetuation of the cycle if you will). We as humans (not just black folks) are so quick to evaluate the short commings of others, that we rarely self-evaluate. Now, that may be redundant, but I will attempt to rectify once I get going with this post.


I read this article a few times before I got angry. Now, I don't have a problem with any of the points that she made in her article. I do, however, have a problem with the generalizations that she made with each point. I won't go through each of the points she made because I linked the article, but at no time did she say "some" or "a lot of" black men fit this criteria. Each statement started off with "Black Men." Correct me if I'm wrong, but I am a black man, right? You know what! I will go through each point! I feel like I have to exonerate myself from the box that she placed on THIS black man. Alright, here we go:


1. They Open Wide Instead of Down Low
I can open wide right now and tell you that I'm a healthy heterosexual male, and I love women. The best creation that the Lord has ever touched was a black woman (in my opinion) and nothing on this earth is comparable.

2. Not Looking For Someone To Take Car of Them
Every man in my family is a work-a-holic and provider. Me ask a woman to take care of me? Won't happen! I would honestly rather be on the street begging for change! Well that's a little extreme but you get my drift.

3. Attend and Graduate College
For real though? If you went to an HBCU, you've seen plenty of black men that have graduated from college. Well, if you haven't, I'll be done with my Masters next summer, and working on my Ph.D next fall. How's that for an education.

4. At Least Attempt To Marry Before Making Babies
Unless you count all of these god-kids as mine, I don't have any babies and I won't have any until I get married.

5. They Don't Glamorize Ignorance
I don't even go around my old neighborhood often because the attitudes aren't progressive. I know I'm not a "thug" and I've never tried to portray myself as such. And I know every lyric to every hip-hop song ever created (no really I do).

6. Financial Planning and Stability
Ask AXA about my financial planning. Ask DCTFCU about my stability. I moved back in with my parents so that I could have 20% of a down payment and not the lowly 3.5% that FHA requires (Oh yeah, check out the new regulations coming to FHA this October).

7. Have The Ability To Look beyond Your Past
This just sounds like something a promiscuous woman writes to be accepted after whoring around in a city, then decides that she wants to be taken serious. I won't even entertain this one.

8. Don't Take Everything As A Challenge To Their Masculinity
I don't think you can write #2 and then write this one. They conflict. I do take certain things as a challenge to my masculinity. If you're going to accept one gender role then accept them all! I feel like that's a pride thing though. Some women (not all) feel that they have to aggressively assert themselves to make a point that a mans presence isn't needed. That's fine, but most times that will assure you that you don't need a man.

I guess 7/8 isn't bad.