Love is a funny thing. I think we all experience it in life, but some of us may not know exactly what love is. I wouldn't even pretend to act like I know what love is, but I believe it goes deeper then just "feelings", because as we know, feelings are fleeting. Some people equate love to a "sickness" that you have when you have strong feelings for someone. With a lot of the definitions that I hear men and women use for love, I take them to be more of a definition of the word infatuation.
I don't know exactly why I started off this particular post about love, but I guess it fits in somewhere. We as humans use love for a lot of our stupid decisions as if it's enough of a justification for no one to call us out. Wrong! There are a few celebrities lately, that have made some decisions, that make me question if love is more harmful than good for us. Actually, one couple in particular made a few decisions that have been somewhat celebrated by the media, while being as unethical as you can get.
Whenever a marriage ends, there should be some sort of a grieving period for the two involved parties. If the couple was really in love, it shouldn't be easy to just transition to the next relationship or marriage, because it takes time to let go. So when I heard that shortly after music producer Swizz Beats divorced his ex-wife and married singer/actor/song writer Alicia Keys I raised an eyebrow. Now, I heard rumors that they were dating, which in my opinion was still out of line, but it hadn't been confirmed. So, when I heard that they finally started owning up to their relationship, I was totally disgusted. Not to mention Keys' was already pregnant before the divorce had become final.
Initially, my main purpose for writing this post was to express my displeasure with Beats and Keys for their lack of respect for the sanctity of marriage, but as I think back, I'm more disgusted that not many other people share my sentiment. Where is Oprah when you need her? I haven't heard anyone come out and speak about how bad this situation looks. Which leads me to believe that everyone is okay with it. Maybe I'm being too old fashioned, but should you be pursuing a relationship with a married man? As a man, should you be courting a woman while you're still married? This shit just doesn't make sense to me. We are celebrating the love of Swizz and Alicia, when we should be empathizing with the misfourtune of Mashonda (sp?). Now, I'm not saying that Swizz wasn't justified in his divorce. I don't know how his marriage ended so I can't speculate. I do know that for the last couple of years he's been married to his now ex-wife, while courting Alicia Keys. Am I the only person that sees something wrong with this? And where is the respect between black women? I know that as a society, we are mostly out for self now, but come on now. I have lost a lot of respect for the both of these artist. I have also lost respect for our overly critical leaders, who have come out to speak against Fantasia and her relationship with a married man (all reports have said that he never mentioned a wife) but celebrate the union of Swizz Beats and Keys.
I don't know when it became cool to date while you're married, or date a married man, then wait on a divorce to make your union official, but I ain't down with it. The fact that so many people are, doesn't bode well for my confidence in the morals of todays society. So you guys can continue to celebrate them and talk about how cute they are together, but 'I'm Just Sayin'...I ain't wit that shit!
6 comments:
I have heard a lot about this topic, and most of my issue with people's disgust with Alicia Keys is that it often doesn't extend to Swiss. Yes, Alicia shouldn't pursue a married man... but she wasn't the one breaking a commitment. Swiss was. Why is Alicia looked at as this evil woman set out to ruin a happy home, when in actuality, Swiss and Mashonda had already separated, and Swiss was the one who was dishonoring a commitment he made before God? (Not Alicia) They were both wrong. Honestly, we don't really know the details of their situation. How do we really even know what happened? We don't. They're celebs. What about OUR issues? How can we learn from theirs versus pointing the finger?
Thanks for the post, as always! You always make think!
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I agree, so many people have allowed marital distrust to be a norm and considered as acceptable as bi-sexual marriage. We as well can be considered part of the problem for supporting such things like you said many of us have been supporting Keys' and Beats. I was unaware of Beat's previous marriage until I read your blog. I am completly against dating Married men and do not support friends who date married people. I may be considered old fashioned as well, but in the practice of courtships you determine if the person is "enough or satisfactory" to make a everlasting commitment. While two are in the marriage I believe all other ties should be cut off and should no longer be considered as a new option. If not why get married? Has marriage lost it's meaning and value? Times are changing but this is a tradition shouldn't this override the on going changes in the society?
I am co-signing on all the above. Hence why I am single. Married men come after me all the time. Should I be flattered..nope. I don't get it. If you show her no respect by your actions, what makes you think I believe you will show me any? Furthermore, I do not believe in divorce. Yeah yeah if he cheats, beats you etc. yes divorce, get the hell out. But where I am from and how I was raised, there is only one D in marriage. Death. Either you die of natural cause or I (we) kill you for the dumb shit. Until death do us part does not mean much to many people of my generation and younger. But like I said...I am single for a reason ;)
I am definitely not giving a pass to Swizz for his actions. He is dead wrong which is apparent. My reason for writing was to make sure that Alicia Keys doesn't get a pass for her selfish behavior. I already felt some type of way about the situation, but after I read the note that Mashonda wrote to Alicia Keys last night, I have lost all respect for Swizz and Alicia. Neither of them get a pass. They both are wrong as hell and shouldn't be celebrated.
I agree with your sentiments and was pretty disgusted with how it all went down. In terms of those who are accepting of their actions, I assume you mean the entertainment industry? I've read and heard a lot of commentary on the subject...some who say that Alicia's recent album sales did take a hit (if true, not sure how they'd be able to make the distinction in attributing it to the scandal or just the quality). My biggest issue with Alicia in all this was the fact that she's supposedly about women's empowerment and then goes and does that. But hey, we're all human and flawed. Hopefully, she and Swizz will be happy together...they deserve each other lol
Like everyone else I have heard a lot about this topic, even read Mashonda's letter to Alicia on twitter. I have a problem with both parties(Swizz and Alicia), swizz shouldve never broken the sacredness of the marriage and Alicia shouldve waited until he was actually divorced. The part that pisses me off the most with her is that she had no respect for his marriage. As a woman she shouldve been able to step aside and let them end it the proper way, then become involved with him. if the end result was gonna be for them to have a child and marry anyway why couldn't she just wait for the papers to be signed. It was a dumb move to me on her part. If you gonna get him in the end you gonna get him...no need to create all the unnecessary controversy by being scandalous. I just believe that Karma is a bitch..hope he doesn't turn and do the same thing to her when the next hit R&B artist comes out.
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