First, I would just like to thank the 7 people who were able to give their feedback to help me with the construction of this post. I know that you all have busy lives, and reading a post takes time out of your day that can be put towards something more important. And to respond takes even more of your precious time. For this I am appreciative. For those of you who were not able to respond, I understand that you might not have had the time. It's cool, I won't take it personal. But I would like you to do me a favor. Please go kill yourself! (If you need instructions on the quickest way possible, please refer to my "Pimp Juice" post). Naw I'm just joking. Don't be so sensitive lol. Okay, let me stop playing around and continue "My Thoughts".
I have read all of your definitions of what a "true" friend is, and it is exactly what I figured. Although you all were pretty much saying the same thing, your differences were what made the wording and interpretation different. There were a few reasons I decided to right about this topic. But one story in particular motivated me enough to have my fingers pounding the keyboard right now.
Now everyone who knows me knows that I have alot of friends. I've always been a friendly person and I guess it's just in my lineage. Now that's not to say i'm the perfect friend. Nor would I say that everyone considers me a true friend. But I was s little shocked to hear a story that was told to me by one of my co-workers a few weeks ago. So apparently my co-worker, who i'm calling Sheila to protect her anonymity, has a friend that she calls "best". This best friend was dating a guy who she decided to engage in consentual sexual intercourse with (before I continue, please repeat that last line). Then, of course, she gets pregnant. Now this best friend is over joyed and decides to share the news with all of her friends and of course her male suitor. Needless to say he isn't too thrilled. So he shows his enthusiam by telling her that he's getting back with his ex-girlfriend and that she needs to get an abortion. Obviously the distraught best friend lets everyone that she knows what happened. And even though she was given advice by Sheila and other friends to keep the baby as a lesson to the guy, she decides to get the abortion anyway (that is a whole 'nother subject that I will have to discuss later). So fast forward to 3 weeks ago. The best friend calls up Sheila explaining how the guy is talking to her about hanging out. Now even though the best friend was done wrong by the guy, she still feels some attraction to him so she is contemplating it. She ask Sheila what does she think and her response is, "I don't know". Now I know what most of you would have said, "What the hell are you thinking!" (especially you Candy, lol) But Sheila didn't give that reaction. So I asked Sheila why wouldn't you tell her how you felt? Her reply was, "Cause that's not what she wanted to hear". I was taken aback by this statement because I had never heard anyone say something like that about their best friend. So I asked her did she really consider her a "true" friend, and she said yes. So I asked her what her definition of a "true" friend is and she said some times you just have to tell your friends what they want to hear.
After our argument about the subject, I really began to think about what my definition of a true friend is. And to save all of us some time, I will say that it was along the lines of what you all wrote. The one thing thing that I will say that I came up with is: There is a big difference between what you want to hear and what you need to hear. Delivery makes all the difference in the world, but if you are a true friend, then you should know the person enough to know what type of delivery they respond to and what will make them not want to confide in you. For it is not in the moments where smiles occur that defines us as true friends, it is those moments where tears are shed that links us together (i promise that i just made that up...sounds like a philosopher huh? "yeah, yeah I'll philosphi on top of ya" lol im sorry I know that was random but listen to track 5 on Common's album in order to get it)
I want to take this time to apologize to those who I consider, or who consider me a true friend(namely Meka, Greg, and Doo Doo). I've definitely been slacking lately which is why I hope you all can forgive me. I wrote this post to tell a story about someone else, but it ended up revealing some stuff within myself that I must work on. Now you all have opinions on the matter, and I hope you will express them, but "It's Just My Thoughts, Just What I Was Feeling at the Time"
7 comments:
Before I pull out my Common cd and listen to track five :^) I wanted to comment on your blog..
First of all, thanks for posting part 2 quickly i was waiting to hear what you had to say.
The word FRIEND is something that changes over time - So I started sending people in my cellphone directory daily inspirational texts that I type myself in order for them to know I may not talk to you on a daily basis but you are in my thoughts.
You wrote in your blog that sometimes friends tells other friends what they want to hear - I agree with it but I also agree that Silence speaks volume - also I been saying lately to my "friends" - its your life whatever you decide Im here for you.
Anyway, sorry im rambling so long - but thanks again for this blog.
That is deep bro! But in reality she is right in her own respect. I have many true friends that no matter how real I am they decide for the decision I do not agree with. And after so many convos you just appease them to keep yourself from going insane. And when they come back to you with tears and heartbreaking stories...you lend that shoulder...hold out your I told you so until they stop crying and move on. No friendship is the same or a blueprint for the best one and how to handle it. I love my friends and I know they love me cause they have put up with some stuff as have I!
But yeah (in my B-more accent)...you have done better answering my calls!
In the case of ur friend sheila...sumtimes in a situation like that u have to jus let ur friend make the mistake on their own...tellin them wha u really think may hurt them in the long run. U tell her to go n she gets hurt again n she blames u, tell her not to may leave her thinknwut if he'd really changed. Sumtimes bein a true friend is allowing ur friend to have bad experiences,but u gotta b there in case things do go bad for her...u dnt learn til uve been thru it sumtimes
Wow!!!.....and I love Common, so I gotcha on that one!...back to the post, i feel sorry for the best friend but if Sheila was a true friend she should have been honest....if you always hear what you want hear, it hinders your growth as an individual and life is about growth and becoming a better person!
I totally agree with "Ash "Oh So Fabolous" P.". I'm so Thankful for my bestfriend, she's always honest with me. It gets on my nerves sometimes but it always makes me think! In the end I make the right decision most times lol. But, I also know what it's like to give advice over and over and over again, about the same things you eventually start taking on that persons problems when they aren't even thinking about it anymore! You become a dumping ground for thier stupidity!
At first thought, it may appear that Sheila has done a great disservice to her friend, however, we don't know the nature of their relationship. I say this because I have a friend who I have resolved to let make her own decisions. This is because it has been emotionally draining trying to advise her in the past. Additionally, as another commenter pointed out, this friend has the tendency to base the outcomes of her "decisions" on those from which she sought advice.
As a result, the approach that I have recently adopted with this friend is to ask her questions about whatever situation she talks to me about, in the hopes that her responses will lead to self-enlightenment. I think this kinda touches on the point you made regarding delivery. So far, I think this strategy has worked as she has begun to draw her own "sensible" conclusions.
i rather have a friend that is honest with me, as I am with my friends. But at times I do understand if you friend is constantly ask you for advice, and you are real with them and tell them how you feel, or what you think, they'll still go do the opposite which is stupid, so after awhile that gets annoying and I know for me, I would just end up not talking to the person b/c everything would end up turning into a debate, and a friendship should not be that way when it comes to life decisions. so I write that person off as a friend. it sounds harsh, but if I can't be real with you, I won't call you my true friend anymore, I would much rather you ask god and wait for his response, or do what the heart tells you do to, and not what I would tell you to do, that's just how I feel about it.
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