I truly appreciate all the women that read this blog. Regardless if you agree or disagree with my "cynical", over-the-top views, your support is the reason I continue to write. Thanks!
With that being said, I kind of wish that more men would read and comment, so that I can have a range of views that confirm or deny my personal point of view. It's cool. I guess the fact that I'm privy to information that most women aren't will suffice.
After reading the comments under, 'Long Live The Chase', it appears that the resounding theme is that women don't want to play games. I understand this viewpoint. Who really WANTS to play games? Nobody! Not consciously anyway. But let's dig into the concept of "playing games". What the hell does that actually mean? I'm sure we all have our own definition, but I take it to mean that you aren't being entirely honest in what you want out of the interaction AND your actions are contrary to your words. If you were to take that meaning, how many of you would be guilty of "playing games"? ((Looks for hands to raise then steps back and waits on lightening for the self-righteous folks who kept their hands at their side)) (Sidenote: If you aren't willing to be honest with yourself please stop reading. There's no reason to waste your time)
Didn't really follow that? Okay, scenario time!
Scenario #1- Boy meets girl. Boy expresses interest in girl, but tells girl that he isn't looking to be in a relationship. Girl says that she isn't looking to be in one either and dating commences. Days, weeks, months later girl feels like her and boy are in a relationship, but boy still isn't looking to be in a relationship. Girl gets mad and confronts boy and the dating is dissolved.
Now, who would you say is playing games? It's cool, I'll let that one simmer.
Now that we have "playing games" (I can certainly take your personal meaning in the comment section, which I'm sure will lead to a follow up post) out of the way, let's get back to the point.
This is what I mean when I say "keep him chasing". Scenario time yet again.
Scenario #2- Boy and girl start dating and after months of getting to know one another thoroughly, Boy and Girl mutually agree to be in a committed relationship. Girl is so excited to have a man, that she changes certain behavioral patterns that she had during the dating phase. Girl doesn't go out with her friends anymore. Girl is always readily accessible to Boy. Girl wants to be up under Boy ALL the time. Boy likes this for a while, then realizes that this isn't exciting him. (Honest time) Boy starts to go out and receive attention from Other Girls. Boy still loves girl, but isn't excited by Girl.
Seems to me like Boy is about to get himself into some trouble.
I'm sure the women reading this post are thinking to themselves, "Wow! Niggas ain't shit!" (Total assumption) That assessment could possibly be fair, but where's the merit? I just described a situation that occurs more often than a man would like to admit, but the thing is: Most men don't even understand this about themselves! I'm sure that their's only a small population of men who have thought deep enough on this issue; and an even smaller number are willing to be honest about it.
Back to the topic. Having a man continue to chase isn't a bad thing. Who really wants to be in a stale relationship? I know I don't and I'm almost certain that you don't. My point is for you as women to do things to keep us engaged and excited. Go out with your friends. Don't immediately respond to our text messages. Allow us to miss you. Let us be the aggressors. We need that as men to stay engaged. Call it "playing games" if you must, but I can't imagine a guy who loves you not wanting to stay in a relationship if you're keeping it exciting.
At the end of the day, I just want to improve the relations between men and women. It is my belief that we either aren't being honest with ourselves or we aren't being honest with each other. I have already decided to follow up on this post to answer some of the unanswered questions that are still looming. Well, unless you all feel like I'm beating a dead horse (Oh Seabiscuit! :'-( ) Again, I appreciate all of you for reading and I look forward to your comments.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Long Live The Chase
Guess who's biz-ack with a fresh post for the masses??? No! I'm not Crystal Marie Grant! Her blog is www.awordorthree.com. My name is Jarrett Burgess, remember me? Well, if you don't, I've brought you such thought provoking posts such as 'Always the Chase, Rarely the Capture' and 'Pimp Juice'; "But this ish right here n$gg@, this ish right here!" may just be the thing to get my former readers back on my team.
I always proclaim to tell the truth. This is a lie. Not intentionally, but moreso because there are times when I'm not truthful with myself, so how can I be expected to be honest with someone else? I'm sure most of you can share in this sentiment; and for those of you who can't, you're lying to yourself right now, so just stop reading this post. I'm about to be as transparent as I have ever been, and it will take an open mind to navigate what you read and understand the relations between men and women. If I can remember correctly, I usually throw out the disclaimer, "I do not claim to be the voice of every man." I do, however, speak for enough men that my thoughts are relevant and should be taken VERY serious.
Some time ago I wrote a post called 'Always the Chase, Rarely the Capture' (If you want to know what it's about then scroll back on this blog until you find it) where I released the tip of the iceberg...this time I'm going to drain the water.
I've always considered myself a good man, but after a few interactions with different women, I'm not so sure about that. I mean, I'm definitely a gentleman. I'm considerate. I'm chivalrous. I'm protective. A provider. All of the things that a woman would want in a man (Okay, I'm tooting my own horn for a purpose). The problem is, the innate thing that separates male and female didn't fully skip over me.
The "thrill" of the chase is something that excites every man. It doesn't matter how much we attempt to deny it. It's the reason why some men cheat physically. It's the reason why some men hold inapporpriate relationships with women that aren't their significant other. We have something inside of us that craves pursuit. I have absolutely no idea where it comes from, but ladies, any man willing to be totally honest, will tell you that it's inside of him. We can be totally enthralled with a woman, but once we "have" her, we no longer have the thrill of the chase. Now, I purposely put quotations around "have" in that last sentence to illustrate that "have" doesn't necessarily mean sex. The word "have" could simply mean "have your attention". Whatever the meaning, something changes in BOTH of us after the capture.
Ladies, I know you may not want to follow me on this, but check me out: During the chase phase, most women are interested without being too available; nice with the right touch of sassiness; and partial without being overly-affectionate. Once "the chase" turns into "the capture", that changes a bit (or a lot depending on the woman). Now, I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with this, because that means that we've won your total attention; but this change in you all is counteracted by the change in us. The chase is complete.
I went through all of that to give women the secret to keeping a man interested after he "has" you: Keep him chasing! Pretty obvious, huh? Yeah, well you already knew that men weren't that complicated. I'm sure that the average woman will say, "Jarrett, this sounds like games and I'm getting too old for that". While on some level I agree with this, I think the alternative reeks of laziness and complacency. Far too often I see women get a man and stop doing all the things that they did to attract him. If you're content with this, then continue doing what you've been doing; but if not, ask questions under the "comments" tab of this post and I promise I will write a follow up answering your questions.
I always proclaim to tell the truth. This is a lie. Not intentionally, but moreso because there are times when I'm not truthful with myself, so how can I be expected to be honest with someone else? I'm sure most of you can share in this sentiment; and for those of you who can't, you're lying to yourself right now, so just stop reading this post. I'm about to be as transparent as I have ever been, and it will take an open mind to navigate what you read and understand the relations between men and women. If I can remember correctly, I usually throw out the disclaimer, "I do not claim to be the voice of every man." I do, however, speak for enough men that my thoughts are relevant and should be taken VERY serious.
Some time ago I wrote a post called 'Always the Chase, Rarely the Capture' (If you want to know what it's about then scroll back on this blog until you find it) where I released the tip of the iceberg...this time I'm going to drain the water.
I've always considered myself a good man, but after a few interactions with different women, I'm not so sure about that. I mean, I'm definitely a gentleman. I'm considerate. I'm chivalrous. I'm protective. A provider. All of the things that a woman would want in a man (Okay, I'm tooting my own horn for a purpose). The problem is, the innate thing that separates male and female didn't fully skip over me.
The "thrill" of the chase is something that excites every man. It doesn't matter how much we attempt to deny it. It's the reason why some men cheat physically. It's the reason why some men hold inapporpriate relationships with women that aren't their significant other. We have something inside of us that craves pursuit. I have absolutely no idea where it comes from, but ladies, any man willing to be totally honest, will tell you that it's inside of him. We can be totally enthralled with a woman, but once we "have" her, we no longer have the thrill of the chase. Now, I purposely put quotations around "have" in that last sentence to illustrate that "have" doesn't necessarily mean sex. The word "have" could simply mean "have your attention". Whatever the meaning, something changes in BOTH of us after the capture.
Ladies, I know you may not want to follow me on this, but check me out: During the chase phase, most women are interested without being too available; nice with the right touch of sassiness; and partial without being overly-affectionate. Once "the chase" turns into "the capture", that changes a bit (or a lot depending on the woman). Now, I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with this, because that means that we've won your total attention; but this change in you all is counteracted by the change in us. The chase is complete.
I went through all of that to give women the secret to keeping a man interested after he "has" you: Keep him chasing! Pretty obvious, huh? Yeah, well you already knew that men weren't that complicated. I'm sure that the average woman will say, "Jarrett, this sounds like games and I'm getting too old for that". While on some level I agree with this, I think the alternative reeks of laziness and complacency. Far too often I see women get a man and stop doing all the things that they did to attract him. If you're content with this, then continue doing what you've been doing; but if not, ask questions under the "comments" tab of this post and I promise I will write a follow up answering your questions.
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